Ten
Ten
“I’m so tired, Thomas. I don’t think I can do it.”
“Don’t be dramatic. You’ve done it a million times.”
“It’s different this time. It feels like they’re never-ending,” I whine.
“There aren’t that many.”
I stare at the tall staircase before us and then slide my gaze over to Thomas. “I can’t.”
He snorts. “Next time I take you out to eat, you’re getting a salad,” he teases. I don’t have time to answer before he lifts me up with disarming ease, one arm under my knees and the other behind my back.
I wrap my arms around his neck, and as we walk up the stairs, old memories start to flicker through my mind.
Memories of the night it all started, when, seeing me shaken and wounded after the breakup with Travis, Thomas invited me to a party at this very frat house.
I was looking for a distraction, some way to numb the pain, turn off my brain, and forget.
But it was more than that. There was always an awareness there, some part of me that wanted, more than anything else, to be with Thomas.
It was only with him that my heart seemed to start beating again, the pain went away, and I was finally able to feel good.
Eventually, I’d gotten so drunk that I couldn’t stay on my feet, and it was Thomas who put an end to the ridiculous show I was putting on. He took me in his arms and carried me up to his room. And against all the odds, I never wanted to leave again.
“Why are you laughing?” he asks me, bewildered.
I rest my head on his chest, snuggling in.
“Memories,” I whisper gently.
When we reach his door, Thomas puts me down and reminds me that I still have the keys to his room.
“Right.” I didn’t give them back to him after stopping by this afternoon for a shower.
Once inside, my gaze is drawn to the poorly made bed. I try to ignore the shiver that runs down my spine when I think back on the two of us between those sheets… Everything was so different just two months ago.
I find myself looking at the room through new eyes, in a way I’d never imagined I would.
It’s no longer just Thomas’s room, but mine now as well…
I let my gaze wander over the empty sofa, the desk to my left scattered haphazardly with books and sketch pad, across the black walls that surround us.
God, those walls are tragic. It’s going to take some getting used to.
“I must admit, I’m always surprised by how neat you are. Not a thing out of place,” I note, chuckling as I step into the middle of the room.
“What were you expecting?” Thomas grins, shutting the door behind him.
“Oh, I don’t know…” I turn around, my wrists crossed behind my back. “Bottles of booze, thongs hidden here and there, bong residue on the floor…” I joke.
“Nah, I’m the quiet type. A real homebody,” he says mockingly.
“Yes, of course. The shy, reserved sort, that’s you.” I give him a suggestive look before turning my eyes back to the bed. This time, however, the shivers down my spine are cold ones as I dwell on just how many girls took a turn in there.
“I’m going to need new sheets,” I inform him, pointing at the mattress.
Thomas frowns so hard his eyebrows almost meet over his nose. “Those are clean; I changed them today. What’s the problem?”
“You can’t seriously believe I’m going to sleep on the same sheets that have played host to every female creature in the county?”
Thomas cocks his head at me with a sly smile. “You’ve done it once already, and it didn’t seem to bother you then.”
I give his shoulder a playful slap. “Well, that’s because I was drunk, and I had other stuff on my mind. I’m clearheaded right now, and you can bet your fine behind that I’m not getting into that bed knowing what you did there with me and God knows how many others.”
Thomas takes off his shoes, and with his typical cocky self-assurance, he also whips off his shirt. My lips fall open when I see his sculpted chest. Suddenly my throat feels very dry and very, very hot.
His face, Vanessa, look at his face!
I shake myself, meeting his eyes again, and see him snickering at me. Caught red-handed.
“None of the women I brought here ever used my bed, didn’t even sleep with me,” he admits, and I can’t help laughing.
“Uh, I’m pretty sure that’s not the case. You said so yourself, remember? That this room is your personal harem?”
“And it was, but we just used the sofa. Once the festivities were over, they would leave, or I would leave if they ended up falling asleep here.”
I immediately turn to the scene of the crime with a disgusted grimace on my face. I look back at him silently for a few seconds, with an expression that screams, Just how stupid do you think I am?
“No lie, Ness,” he adds, as though reading my mind. “My sister ended up here most of the time, when she didn’t want to be alone in the other room. I can assure you, she would have beat my ass if I tried to make her sleep in the same bed where I got it on with the other girls.”
The other girls.
You’ve got to take your medicine, Vanessa: the past is the past, and you can’t change it.
“You let me sleep there, though,” I point out, moving closer to him.
“For you, I made an exception.”
“Why?” I whisper, just a breath away from his lips.
“Because you were the only one I wanted in my bed.”
My heart beats wildly in my chest as Thomas wraps his arms around my waist and kisses me.
“Mm-hmm, tell me the truth: You prepare these lines in advance, don’t you?”
“Fuck, you got me.”
We both laugh, and when we break apart, I take a moment to look more carefully at the room.
“To be honest…it feels strange being here with you,” I say in a low voice.
I glide my fingers along the smooth surface of the desk as I approach the window with slow steps.
I fixate on a streetlamp in the distance, dimly illuminating the dark night.
“So much has changed since the last time we were here together…”
I trace meandering lines on the wet glass with my index finger.
“When I woke up beside you that morning, I swore to myself that I’d never set foot in this room again.
And now…” I sigh, thinking back on all the fights with my mother and their disastrous consequences, which have led me here. “I’m going to live here.”
I turn to face Thomas. He’s leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed. I meet his eyes, and in those emerald depths I see nothing but melancholy and regret. I give him a tight smile, trying to lighten the mood, and sit down on the edge of the bed. “Life’s funny sometimes, huh?”
He joins me, sitting down next to me with his elbows on his knees. He stares at the floor, and I get the feeling he’d like to tell me something, but he remains locked in his silence.
I lie back on the mattress. “She came looking for me at the Marsy today,” I murmur.
Thomas turns, his brow furrowed. “Your mother?”
I nod silently, staring up at the ceiling.
Thomas falls back as well, sliding his arm under my neck and tugging me closer to him. I nestle into his shoulder. “Did you two talk?”
I throw my leg over his and rest my arm on his chest. I slide the pad of my finger over his pectoral muscles, tracing the contours of his tattoos. “No, she came by when I wasn’t there.”
He strokes my hair, giving me a sense of peace and tranquility that is beyond value. “Maybe she thought she’d find you there?”
I shake my head. “She knows my shifts. She’s playing games with me now, don’t you see?”
“Did you trying calling her to find out what she wants?”
I lift my head a bit to get a better look at his face.
“No. And I don’t intend to, Thomas. She has my number; she could call me at any time, but she doesn’t.
” I let out a nearly inaudible snort and shake my head again.
“Believe me, she’s not looking for an explanation; she just wants to make things worse.
She probably can’t figure out why I’m not on my knees at her front door, begging her to let me back in.
” I let my head fall back and continue to slide my finger along the ouroboros that covers his abdomen, following the circle all the way around. We remain silent for a bit.
“Ness,” Thomas says finally, sighing loudly.
“I’m the last person who should be giving you this kind of advice, but I think you should talk to her.
Whatever happened between you, this is no good for either of you.
You should both find a way to put aside your differences and stop this pointless war. ”
I stop tracing the lines of his tattoos, growing serious.
“I’m not going to war with her,” I say bitterly.
“If anything, she’s the one doing that to me.
She’s unbearable. She’s never open to conversation; she just steamrolls people.
You saw the way she talked to you when you came to our house.
She didn’t even know you. Do you think you were the first person she treated that way?
No, it’s how she is. You can hear it in the way she talks about people; she always has to be a cut above everyone else, looking down on them… ”
“You’re losing time with her that you can never get back,” he interrupts, looking me in the eye. “For what? Some petty disagreement? Is it really worth it?”
“I didn’t create this situation, okay? She’s the one who cannot accept that she’s no longer in control of my life. And am I understanding you correctly? Are you defending her?” I demand, propping myself up on my elbows.
Thomas gets into a sitting position, and I mirror him, never taking my eyes off of him.
“I’m not defending her. I’m trying to keep you from someday regretting the choices you’re making right now in the heat of the moment.”
I stare at him, increasingly confused, and I wonder if he isn’t talking more to himself than to me, if that wasn’t exactly what happened to him. After all, we all have our burdens to bear, and Thomas seems to have a lot of weight on his shoulders.