Fourteen #2
“Oh, okay, I.…honestly, I don’t think that would be a good idea…” I don’t want to be rude, but I don’t want him to get the wrong idea again. And I really don’t want to mess up my relationship with Thomas over a stupid coffee. So I give him a smile and go to leave, but he gently grabs my arm.
“Vanessa, wait, please… I’m just asking for one meetup. Just one, in broad daylight, wherever you want… I just want to tell you how sorry I am for coming between you and Thomas the other night.”
“Don’t worry about that; there’s no need. I know you’re sorry, and so am I.” I pull my arm back. “Let’s just forget all about it.”
“The truth is, I can’t. I can’t forget…” I hear him whisper, his head bowed. Does he mean he can’t forget the events of that night or that he can’t forget… me ?
Something tells me that’s exactly what this is about, and I force myself to obliterate any hopes he might have.
“Logan, I know I handled our situation poorly, and I disrespected you by hanging out with Thomas while you and I were seeing each other. But…I’m with him now.
I’m in love with him, and that’s not going to change.
So if there’s even a small chance that you still have any interest in me, then I think the best thing for you to do is to stay away from me. ”
“I don’t want to stay away from you; I just want—” he starts to say, sounding dejected.
“No,” I interrupt him abruptly. Maybe I seem rude, but he has to understand the situation.
“I’m sorry about everything, truly. You’re a good guy, and I am sure that you are going to find the right person for you very soon.
But that person isn’t me.” I don’t give him time to answer, though I can see the disappointment in his face.
Instead, I head for the elevators so I can go find Alex and Thomas.
***
Thomas and I sit in his tree house, our legs swinging in the air, two cans of Coke and some fries between us as we watch the starry sky above.
We came here after class, and now I’m enjoying the light breeze that caresses my face, tousling my hair a bit.
To protect myself from the cold, I’m wearing one of Thomas’s heavy sweatshirts, which falls below my butt.
Lately, I’ve been finding myself stealing them more and more often.
I’m telling him about my latest adventures at the Marsy when his phone rings.
He answers it with his usual surly voice.
“Hey…yeah, everything’s fine, you? Don’t worry about it; I’ll make sure nobody touches anything.
” He smiles and then turns to look at me.
“She’s fine too. I’ll give you to her; she’s right here. ”
I frown and ask him who it is in a low voice. He mouths “Leila” before handing me the phone, adding: “She wants to make sure I’m behaving myself.” He shakes his head in resignation as I grin.
Thomas has been agitated since Monday, when his sister went back to Portland, and he’s been in touch with her constantly these days to make sure that being with their parents isn’t upsetting her too much.
Although he doesn’t show it, I can tell that he’s tormented by the idea of her being alone there with them.
“Hey!” I exclaim, putting the phone to my ear.
“Did my brother tell the truth? Is he behaving?”
“He’s doing his best.” I chuckle, glancing at Thomas, who glowers in return.
“Maybe I should leave more often, then,” Leila answers with humor.
“But how are you doing? Are you keeping up with your classes? Do you need me to get some notes from your classmates?”
“Right now, I can follow along online without a problem. But I do have a favor to ask you.”
“I’m all ears.”
“You remember that I’m on the editorial staff of the university newspaper, right?”
“Of course. I read your article about accidents caused by cell phones. You did a great job. I saw that it was republished in the Corvallis Gazette-Times and the Albany Democrat-Herald . What an achievement!” I glance at Thomas, excited about his sister’s success.
“Oh, thanks so much,” she answers shyly.
“But I do have a small problem. I’m supposed to deliver an article next week about the police’s abuse of power in this country.
But being here in Portland is slowing me down a lot; I can’t focus the way I need to.
And I was wondering if you could…well, if you could help me? ”
I feel my heart start pounding at the prospect, and in a rush of enthusiasm, I answer her before really thinking. “That would be an honor!”
“Oh my God, you’ll really do it?” she exclaims, relieved.
I nod, as though she can see me, while I keep Thomas’s curiosity at bay with a wave of my hand.
“Of course! I’ve never done it before, but I’ve always wanted to. Do you already have some material I could work with?”
“Yeah, I’ve collected several sources and put together some notes. A lot of notes. I’ll email you everything tonight. Thanks, thanks, thanks!”
“Don’t thank me,” I answer, grinning. “Instead, tell me, do you think they’ll let me join the staff to work on this article, even if I’m not regularly a part of the paper?”
“I’ll let them know, don’t worry. I’ll tell them you’re taking my place until I return.”
“Great!” I rub a hand on my pants, brushing off some grains of salt with my fingers. Hoping I don’t sound too intrusive, I ask, “So…how are thing going at home?” Next to me, Thomas stiffens almost imperceptibly.
Leila sighs. “That’s another reason I called… The hospital admitted our father this morning after a respiratory crisis.”
I feel a cold chill but, after what I’ve found out, I can’t say I’m actually sorry for the man.
“I’ve put off telling Thomas for a while but, I think it’s time.”
“I get that. I’ll pass you back to him, then?”
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to talk to you about something first. Can you move away from him?”
Thomas and I are currently stuck in a house on top of a tree, suspended twenty feet in the air. “Uh…not really,” I answer, trying to sound casual so I don’t arouse his suspicion.
“I’m making this hard for you, aren’t I? Sorry, that wasn’t what I wanted. I just feel like I need to talk to someone about it. Someone who won’t freak out the way my brother probably will.”
I’m starting to get nervous, imagining the worst. “I’m listening; talk to me,” I encourage her, pressing the phone more tightly against my ear.
“Our mother wants to see him. She wants to see Thomas, now that our father isn’t at home anymore.”
Oh, that’s all? My shoulders immediately relax. “That sounds like a good thing to me.”
“Not for Thomas, as you know. I would really appreciate it if you could convince him to accept her invitation.” Leila knows that her brother told me everything about their childhood.
But she probably doesn’t realize that, after that night, we never broached the subject again.
I don’t want to make him feel harassed, but I also know that he and his mother haven’t been in touch for a long time.
He told me that the first time he took me to this tree house.
“I don’t think…”
“Thomas listens to what you say, much more than you think. It feels like, after so long, I might finally have my mother and brother under the same roof again. I don’t want to watch this opportunity slip away just because he’s a hothead.”
My heart is aching. I can only imagine how much suffering Thomas’s obstinate refusal to come home is causing her. I bite my lip. “Okay, okay, I’ll do it. Or at least, I’ll give it a try.”
I can hear her sigh deeply. “Thank you so much. You are the best, I swear, the best! I won’t ask him right now so I don’t dump too much on him, but I will soon. Now you can hand me back to my idiot brother. I’ve already taken up too much of your time.”
Gathering my courage, I hand him the phone and wait for the truth to hit him, prepared to soften the blow as best I can.
***
“Hey, is everything okay?” I ask in a whisper as soon as Thomas hangs up.
He brings a cigarette to his mouth and takes a long, deep drag, the center of his forehead wrinkling slightly.
Then he stubs the cigarette out in a small ashtray, starting at some point in the middle distance.
I know his mind is wandering off somewhere else, far away from me, but I want him here. Right here with me.
I put a hand on his shoulder and rub it. “Thomas…”
He turns with a start, making me jump as well.
“Are you okay?” I ask again.
He nods. “I’m fine. You wanna go home?”
“No, I like this place. It relaxes me.” I shrug, breathing in the cool evening air of the woods. I crouch down next to him and wrap my arms around his neck.
“They admitted him to the hospital this morning…”
“Yes, Leila told me. Do you want to talk about it?”
He shakes his head. “Did she say anything else? She seemed a little weird on the phone.”
“Um, not really. She just asked me to fill in for her at the school newspaper while she’s away,” I answer vaguely. He gives me an uncertain look. I don’t know if he senses that I’m hiding something from him, but for whatever reason, he decides to drop the subject.
We stay cuddled there in silence for a little while. Until, trying not to appear too nosy, I decide to take a chance. “Thomas, I know we haven’t talked about it since the other night but…would you like to tell me what happened after the accident?”
He doesn’t release his hold on me, but I can feel his body stiffen.
I rub his back gently. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But if you feel the urge to talk…well, just know that I’m here.” I press a soft kiss to his jaw.
He reciprocates with his lips against my hair. “No secrets, right?”
It’s the promise we made each other two nights ago when, lying together under the covers, I opened up to him and told him all about my father: the pain his abandonment caused me and the sense of helplessness I felt when I watched my parents gird their loins and go to battle with each other.
“No secrets,” I repeat, grateful that he seems ready to take the same step forward.