Chapter 4 #3
Rachel keeps up the anger, but it’s hollow now. “So either we get sold, or we die out here. Great choices, Grace. Really fucking great. Did you ever think to go to our security, maybe seeing if there was another way...”
“As far as we were concerned, everyone might have known. We never meant to end up out here. Do you have any idea what would have happened if we got off at the other side? We would be fucking sold into slavery. What part of that isn’t making sense to you?”
More silence.
“We’re not dead yet,” Ace snaps, finally, after too long.
I realize he’s been silent because he’s thinking, and when I watch him now, he looks different—but I can’t quite figure out how.
“If they got a rescue call out, we’ll get picked up.
If not—” He glances down at the water, sets his jaw. “We’ll survive.”
Zeke nods, but his eyes stay on Aggie. “You should have told us, we could have fucking done more.”
“Oh, because I’m sure you would have believed us.”
Nobody speaks again.
“We only have one choice,” Zeke mutters. “We survive.”
“We packed stuff, in this boat,” Tati tells him, her cheeks rosy the second his eyes lock on hers.
“Like what?”
“Everything,” I say. “Food, water, blankets.”
“So you’ve let us sit out here all fucking night,” Rachel shrieks again.
“Rachel,” Aggie growls. “Shut the fuck up, seriously. Shut up. We couldn’t see a fucking thing, and we didn’t know what morning would bring. At least we have things, be grateful for that.”
“Give them all to us,” Ace orders, pushing to his feet. “We need to ration everything until we know where the fuck we are.”
We get to work, passing him everything we packed. He gives us all sun protection, a small amount of water, and then we all find our spot and lay there, trying to fight off the exhaustion. It’s hot, we’re tired and everyone is tired of yelling.
The men watch the horizon, the girls go quiet, and Aggie leans into me, her head pressed to my shoulder, as if we’re in this alone. I can see in her eyes that she’s gone somewhere else, deep inside, building a shell around herself.
Tatiana is holding my hand, refusing to loosen her grip.
The ocean keeps us moving. The sun climbs higher.
I use the time to think, to count all the silent minutes.
I wonder if my father is even looking for us, or if maybe this was what he wanted all along?
I wonder if I’d be more frightened if I were still on the yacht, knowing what waited at the end of the trip.
On the next boat, Ace is talking to Kellen in low, insistent voices. I can’t hear them, but occasionally Ace’s gaze flicks up and finds me, then flicks away, like he can’t hold the contact for too long. I can see the anger on his expression, but I don’t bother acknowledging it.
Rachel is finally silent, just staring at the water with the blank, stunned look of someone who has run out of outrage. Iris has finally passed out, and is curled in a ball on the floor of the lifeboat. Thankfully, they are a decent size so we can all lay down if we need to.
I want to sleep, I am fighting it with every blink, but I make myself watch. It’s all I can do; keep my eyes up, searching for nothing, for everything, for any sign that the world hasn’t ended with the fire on the water.
I want to crawl out of my skin.
Instead, I go back to watching the water.
In the distance, a few birds fly over, but otherwise, there are no signs of life.
We drift in silence until it’s so quiet I think I might go deaf.
The heat gets worse as the day drags on.
There’s very little cover, no way to sleep.
I can feel my skin blistering even through the long clothes I’m wearing.
“Should we try and fish?”
It’s Tatiana who suggests it, pushing up and looking like she has come up with some kind of miracle idea.
“I’m not eating a raw fish,” Rachel blurts, “I’m not a fucking animal.”
Kellen glares at her. “Hope you like starvation, then.”
“If it wasn’t for her,” she stabs a finger in my direction, “we would still be on that boat.”
“Oh bullshit,” Aggie shouts. “Who are you fucking kidding? What was waiting for us was fucking far worse than this and you know it.”
“According to who? You three? We have no fucking proof.”
“Enough,” Ace roars, his voice so loud even Kellen flinches. “We are not going to fucking argue about a situation we can’t change.”
“Let’s just... take a breath, okay?” I say, forcing the words out. “We need to stay calm or we’ll end up dead out here.”
“Whatever,” Rachel murmurs, turning her back to us.
The afternoon passes in silence.
By evening, we’re all battered and desperate.
We have no choice but to sleep.
I find a spot on the ground, pulling my jacket over me and drifting off.
The night is long and miserable. All the heat from earlier is gone, replaced by shuddering cold. The lifeboats are damp and every part of me aches. I dream of the dance studio, and twirling around. I see my father’s face, smirking.
When I wake, I wonder if he is even looking for me at all.
A tiny part of me hopes he is, because a tiny part of me wants to believe I mean something.
Anything.