Chapter 7 #2
“It’s infected,” I protest, furrowing my brows in confusion. “If we don’t give her antibiotics, she will die.”
“Just let me have a look,” he growls, frustrated.
I press my lips together, and turn, following them back down to where Iris is laying under a tree with Tatiana. Kellen kneels down and lifts the bandage, studying the wound, then he asks Iris a heap of questions about how she is feeling, before standing and huddling back into a group with us.
“What’s the verdict?” Ace asks him.
“It’s bad, she’s right about that. Problem is, if we give her the antibiotics, it is likely too late and we will have wasted them. We have to think this through.”
My eyes widen. “Painkillers I understand, but this is a life we’re talking about. She is a person. We can’t just let her die.”
“I never fuckin’ said we let her die, but we can’t waste all our fuckin’ resources either because we don’t know how long we’ll be out here,” Kellen barks back.
“I understand that, but we have to take care of our own.”
“Enough,” Ace growls. “We need to have a logical conversation about this.”
“She’s goin’ to die,” Zeke says, his voice scarily empty. “That infection is insane and even with antibiotics, it’s likely too late. I’ve seen that shit in the field, and it never ends well.”
My heart skips a beat as I look at him with horror.
“It has only been three days. There is no way you can say it’s the end of the line for her,” I whisper.
“Do you have any fuckin’ idea how bad that infection is?” he growls back. “That kind of infection does damage internally that no antibiotic will help. If we were going to give them to her, it should have been from the start.”
“Then why didn’t we!” I cry, my voice louder than I’d like.
“Because we didn’t know it was that fuckin’ bad beneath the bandage.”
I look to Ace. “We should have checked when she got sick that first night. We should have checked.”
“Even if we did, what could we have done? What do we clean it with? We have barely any antiseptic rinse left, the salt water may help but it also may make it worse, and we are low on bandages. Covering it and protecting the wound was our best option.”
We fall silent.
Ace is the one to break it, his voice low and tired. “We gotta make a call. All of us. I won’t stand here and let it be just one person’s decision.” He looks at me, then the others. “We bring everyone in, yeah?”
A sick sort of hope kicks in my chest. At least they won’t just let her die without a fight.
I go back to Iris, who is shivering beneath the blanket, Tatiana stroking her hair. Rachel is back now, too, sitting beside her. “We need to talk,” I say, as gently as I can, even though my stomach is twisting and turning inside me.
Rachel looks at me, a question burning behind her red-rimmed eyes. “Is she going to be okay?” she asks. Her voice is a weapon. “You promised—”
“No, I didn’t,” I say, sharper than I intend. “But we are doing our best. Come.”
We help Iris into a more comfortable position, then we move away from her so we can talk. I’m dreading every second of this.
“This is what we have to work with,” Ace says, holding up the blister pack from the first aid kit. The label is faded, but the word ‘Amoxicillin’ is clear. Ten pills. That’s it.
“We need to make a decision,” Kellen goes on. “We use them, or we can keep them, in case things get worse for more of us. We have to consider that if we use them all now, and someone else gets sick or injured, we’re screwed.”
Rachel’s voice wavers as her shoulders straighten.
“She’s dying. What are you even talking about, saving them for later?
Iris might not even make it through the night.
” Her voice cracks, desperate and furious.
“Is that not what we would consider an emergency? Why is she any less valuable than any of you?”
“Never fuckin’ said she was,” Kellen growls.
“But the fact is, if we use them and she dies, we are left without. If she is too far gone, we’re wasting them.
We need to make a call and decide if she has a shot at living through this or not, but right now, it’s not lookin’ good and I would say her chances are pretty fuckin’ low. ”
“But they’re not zero,” Aggie snaps from beside me. “Doctors say even bad infections can turn around if you start antibiotics in time. She has a chance.”
Zeke shakes his head, jaw clenched. “If we had more, I’d say do it. But we don’t. We’re not doctors. We can’t play God out here. Even with all the pills, there is a high chance she won’t make it. That’s a fact, cold and horrible, but true.”
“Well we have to try!” Rachel yells, throwing her hands up. “If it was her,” she jerks a finger at me, “then we wouldn’t hesitate.”
“Fuck off, Rachel,” I snap, sick of her blaming me for everything. “Stop taking your shit out on me, I’m trying to protect her, too.”
“Oh bullshit, all you want is one less mouth to feed.”
I clench my fists.
Ace holds up a hand, cutting everyone off before we can take this further. “Enough. We vote. That’s how it goes, it’s the only way it’s fair out here. None of us get to play God, we are a team.”
“I don’t think we should gamble with a life,” I say, voice steadier than I feel. “If we’re stuck out here for months, then that is a risk we’re taking but we don’t know that we will be. She could live, and for that, I vote that we give them to her.”
Rachel is openly crying now. “Please,” she begs, looking at Ace. “Don’t let her die. Not like this. I vote we give them to her.”
Tatiana, who has been silent the whole time, pipes up. “We give her half now. If she gets better or improves, we finish the rest. If not, then at least we tried.”
Kellen grunts. “Splitting the dose does nothing. It won’t fucking work.”
“I know how antibiotics work!” Tati snaps, all teeth. “But we don’t have enough for a real course regardless, so maybe we do what we can instead of arguing about it.”
Zeke exhales, angrily. “I vote no. We save them and do whatever else we can. I think it’s too late.”
“It’s not!” Rachel cries.
Ace puts a hand up. “We all get the chance to vote, Rachel.”
“I say give them to her,” Aggie whispers. “She deserves a chance.”
Ace glances at Kellen.
“Do what Tatiana said, give her half, see what happens. If she improves, we make a choice, if not then at least we tried.”
Ace glances down at the pills, pausing for a long beat. He’s weighing the way we’re all looking at him. “Adrian is exploring, so we can’t ask him. I think we split ‘em, it’s the best choice.”
He looks to us girls, his eyes moving over each of us.
We all nod. Because it’s better than nothing.
A kind of silence settles, the kind that could either be relief or defeat.
Then, Rachel lunges for the blister pack, only to have Ace hold it up and shoot her a look so intense that she runs off crying.
I hold my hand out, and he gives me three tablets to begin with.
I turn, walking over and kneeling next to Iris, who is trembling so bad she can’t hold the pill, so I press it to her lips and tip her head back, dribbling some water into her mouth.
She swallows, barely.
When it’s done, Rachel comes back and folds Iris into her lap and rocks her, murmuring things in her ear.
Something in another language, maybe. I turn away as my own eyes start to sting.
I hope we’re making the right choice, because I’ll never forgive myself if Iris dies because of a choice we made.
I just can’t take that kind of pain.
Not after everything.