Chapter 15
A fter nearly a week of silence from Danny and time away from the office, I’d started to feel stiff after so many hours on the couch—not to mention sluggish and unmotivated—so I’d moved to the desk in the corner of my living room and dusted it off, literally.
After over two hours of searching, I finally found the perfect gift for Julia that would actually ship overseas.
But then I realized she hadn’t told me yet whether she was staying in England for the holidays, so I decided to hold off on the order and call her tomorrow when it wasn’t crazy late in her time zone.
Yes, it was early for Christmas shopping, but buying for others helped distract me from the persistent ache in my chest reflecting the swirling emotions of sadness, worry, anger, and disappointment within me.
By habit, I switched to the window with game design chat, my eyes lazily wandering across the screen. Then my heart skipped a beat or three.
Calm down. This doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to talk to you.
But my eyes widened as I saw the three dots indicating he was typing.
Straightening my back, I forced my hands to stay off the keyboard. I would not send him another message. This past week, I’d already sent a few that I wished I could unsend.
CastGamer55: Hi .
Really, that’s the best he could do? He spent at least thirty seconds typing two letters? Oh, and don’t forget the period. Danny always used correct punctuation—even in chat messages.
Maybe I should ignore his message. He didn’t deserve a response, did he?
Or … was I being ridiculous? I shook my head.
I couldn’t deny I missed him. Stewing wouldn’t solve this problem.
SawyerRox4: Hi
CastGamer55: How was your day?
SawyerRox4: …
CastGamer55: What does that mean?
SawyerRox4: Are you really asking me about my day?
CastGamer55: Yes. Is that a problem?
SawyerRox4: My DAY? How about my week? You just disappear without a trace and then return with no explanation?
I knew how I sounded. I heard my tone sounding needy in a very embarrassing way. He probably wondered if I was drunk or, like, in love with him. The latter was, of course, ridiculous. And the former … well, I’d reaffirmed several days ago that alcohol wouldn’t solve any problems.
But what could I tell him? Not the truth—that my world had seemed flat and dull without him in it—and that was only when my mind wasn’t racing with fear about what could have happened to him.
CastGamer55: I apologize.
CastGamer55: I had a good day except that my elderly neighbor’s huge yellow lab jumped me today and ruined my navy suit.
SawyerRox4: Oh, you’re a suit, huh? Actually, I know someone with a dog like that too, just a block away, and those kinds of stains don’t come out.
CastGamer55: A minor issue, really. I would ask about your day again, but you seemed angry when I asked before.
So this was it. He really wasn’t going to offer even a vague explanation of where he’d been for a whole week. Was he hiding something? If not, why wasn’t he offering any explanation?
More likely, he just thought I was overreacting.
Because you are. You’re just a casual online buddy he’s never met.
Why would you expect anything from him ?
After pacing for a few minutes, I decided to let it go. Or at least try. If things got weird, I’d just redirect attention to the game design. Sinking back into my desk chair, I breathed in steadily and set my fingers on the keyboard.
SawyerRox4: My day was OK, apart from the dread I’m feeling because I have so many meetings this coming week
SawyerRox4: But hey, let’s talk about the game! I have been working on a map
CastGamer55: You have skill in drawing?
SawyerRox4: I wouldn’t call it skill. It’s more just for putting my own mental map on paper…
CastGamer55: I can appreciate that.
In the coming days, we talked about the intricacies of the game more than ever, and I finally felt like we were making progress … on the game. Not between us. He showed up every night and seemed engaged. But something about him was different.
He seemed a bit more guarded. Distant but not in a rude way. If anything, overly polite.
Were we not friends anymore?
Now we were just board game design partners?