Chapter 28
I sighed while spinning around in the cushy black leather chair I’d hand-selected for the individual offices. “I really am sorry. I didn’t think.”
Julia was silent for a moment on the other end of the phone line.
“I know you are, Roxy. Just don’t disappear again without a little warning.
Just a ‘hey, I need some time to just sulk and pine for my lost love while foregoing all life tasks, including communicating with my best friend’—that would be enough. I just want to know you’re OK.”
The hurt in her voice gutted me. “You’re right.
I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.
And if I’m ever in that awful state again, I promise I’ll do my best to reach out,” I promised her.
“Thank you for listening to my literal sob story. Wait, actually … there is one more thing. I’ve finally decided …
I made a belated New Year’s resolution to …
Oh, Julia, I don’t know why this is so hard to say.
” I paused and cleared my throat. “I–I’m going to get help.
I already called this morning and set up an appointment with a therapist, and I’m going to try that meetup group again. I’m tired of living like this.”
Again, she was silent. “Wow. I’m so proud of you, Roxy.”
“Thank you. It was honestly pretty scary making that call.”
“Of course it was. I hope it helps,” she said quietly. “I wish …”
“What do you wish?”
“I wish I could do the same. Therapy just doesn’t work for me. ”
“Or maybe you’ve just never been truly ready,” I suggested. “And that’s OK.”
After a long pause, she spoke in a more cheerful tone. “Thanks. Yeah, I’m too busy right now anyway. My eyes are so sore every night from studying constantly. Hey, speaking of exhaustion, I should probably let you go soon. It’s getting late here.”
“Sure, you go get some rest. And thanks for being the best friend a shy girl could ever have.” I smiled, even though she couldn’t see me. “I’m so lucky.”
“Right back at you. Love you, Rox.”
“You too.” I ended the call and looked around the room for at least the twentieth time today.
As soon as I accepted her job offer this morning in person, Hazel had been generous and offered me the second-best office, right next to hers.
This was the first day of the rest of my life, and I felt both nervous and excited.
I honestly wasn’t sure if I could cope with working in this field again, but Hazel reminded me I would never know if I didn’t try.
My eyes drifted toward the open window from this office into the rest of the suite and landed on a curious sight. A woman was standing at the front desk with something wriggling in her arms. Was that a puppy ?
I rose and walked over to the closed door. Opening it hesitantly, I immediately heard panting, and the woman laughed as she leaned on the reception desk.
“Hi, may I help you? I think our receptionist is at lunch. Do you have an appointment with Hazel?” I stared at her adorable little gray and white puppy, whose eyes were round as they stared up at me. “He is adorable.”
The woman smiled as she smoothed her dark, wavy hair behind her ear. Her eyes were a rich hazel, which caused a sharp pang in my chest that I was not prepared for. I inhaled and exhaled deeply and focused on smiling politely.
“I’m looking for Roxy, actually. Do you know where I can find her? ”
“Oh!” I exclaimed, my eyes widening. “You’ve found her. I mean, I’m her. I’m me. Ah …”
Her smile brightened as she rubbed the dog’s floppy ears. “It is so amazing to meet you, Roxy! I heard I could find you here.”
My brows scrunched together. “You did? That’s … interesting. I only joined the permanent staff today.”
Her eyes twinkled as she stuck out her hand to shake mine. “I’m Abby.” She paused and watched me closely, but I only smiled politely. “Chamberlain.”
My jaw dropped as I let go of her hand. “You’re …”
“Jeff’s my big brother.”
I stood speechless, eyeing her more intently. Those eyes. They were exactly like Jeff’s. And the hair, the facial features …
“I can’t believe I didn’t see the resemblance immediately,” I said softly. “Wow. You’re here visiting him, I guess? I mean, yes, of course you must be.”
She nodded. “Can we go sit down? Or can you go have coffee?”
“Um, I’m not sure the nearest coffee shop allows dogs.” I bit my lip. “Do you want to come chat in my office?”
Why was I inviting her into my office? I should be immediately inventing an excuse—somewhere I had to be, an appointment I was late to, a conference call.
I forced myself to stop that train of thought in its tracks.
Breathing in steadily and then exhaling slowly, I reminded myself that I didn’t need to invent excuses anymore. I could just … be me. As crazy as that sounded.
Abby nodded, still smiling. “Yeah, it’s totally not fair that adorable puppies aren’t allowed everywhere. We have that same problem in Duluth.”
“Oh, you’re from Duluth?” I asked while leading her into my office and pulling up a chair for her.
“We’re from Superior, but I live in Duluth now.”
“Oh, I’m jealous. I went there once on a business trip, and it was so beautiful. Then again, those massive hills must be treacherous in the winter.”
She laughed. “Seriously. You can’t even imagine. I wish I could fly south for the winter.”
“But it’s worth it to live there, right? I would just love living so close to the lake. Any lake.”
She frowned. “Isn’t there a nice big lake over by that resort where Jeff works?”
“There is. Obviously nothing comparable to Lake Superior, but still gorgeous in the summer and even in winter. Don’t even get me started on the fall.” I smiled.
Her beautiful eyes were round as she asked, “Why don’t you find a house or apartment on the lake?”
I tapped my chin with my finger as I pondered this. The thought had never crossed my mind, probably because I wasn’t a big fan of change. “I don’t know, actually. That’s a good question. I do know there are some cozy little houses to rent on one side.”
She smiled and nodded.
“But you’re not here to talk about lakeside homes, are you?” I asked wryly.
She grinned. “Obviously not.” After placing the eager puppy on the floor to explore the room, she leaned forward in her seat. “So, let’s get to it. Why don’t you want to live happily ever after with my amazing brother?”
My eyebrows rose, and I nearly laughed. “He didn’t tell me you were so, um, direct.”
“I think he believes that I reserve my bluntness just for him. But he’s wrong, as is often the case.” She laughed and sat back. “Are you going to forgive him or not?”
My lips parted to speak, but the words died in my throat. I couldn’t tell this woman I’d never forgive Jeff. Though it was probably true, I didn’t want to hurt her. She obviously adored him.
“You’re trying to find a nice way to say no, aren’t you?” she asked with one raised eyebrow.
I couldn’t help smiling. “I like your directness, actually. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to guess what other people were thinking, usually assuming they were judging me. But with you …”
“With me, you know I’m judging you?” She laughed. “Well, I am.”
“Abby …” I cleared my throat, reminding myself to be honest. Be me . “I don’t know if I could forgive him even if I want to. I’m sorry it’s not what you want to hear.”
Her expression was skeptical. “What’s not to love?
He’s the best.” Her face sobered. “Growing up, he was everything. I looked up to him, and he took care of me. And he’s still everything I could ever want in a big brother and so much more.
There’s no one better, you know.” Before I could interject, she added, “And it’s not just because he’s my brother.
He’s a wonderful person with a big heart, even though he tries so hard to hide it. And he would hate that I’m here.”
My jaw dropped again. “He doesn’t know? I thought …”
“No, he didn’t send me.” Seeing my frown, she added, “But only because he has too much pride. He’s over the moon for you, Roxy. You know that, right?”
My brow furrowed. “Well, I don’t know about that. We might have had something, but it was never—you know what, it doesn’t matter now.”
“I know he hurt you,” Abby said quietly.
“And I can imagine how you felt as a result. I’ve been hurt before too.
” She stopped to pick up the puppy again as he started to yelp at her feet.
“But the difference is that the guy who hurt me was never worth my time. He wasn’t a good guy, but he was good at fooling people, including me and my friend Annalise, who he was also seeing. With my brother, it’s the opposite.”
“You dated a guy who was also dating your friend? How—”
“No, no. Annalise and I met and became friends after we both realized what he was doing. She’s great. You’d love her.”
I laughed. “You don’t even know me, but you know I’d love her?” I bit my lip. “That sounded terrible. I didn’t mean to be rude—”
“No, it’s cool. I like blunt people. But I feel like I do know you because of how much he’s talked about you for months now.
Actually, probably a few years,” she said casually, looking around the room.
A giggle slipped out. “Oops, I probably wasn’t supposed to say that.
Or be here at all. But Jeff’s helped me so much in my life that I owe him so much.
The least I can do is fix his love life. ”
I swiveled around slowly in my chair. “I’m not sure if it can be fixed. But I appreciate that you’re a loving sister trying to take care of a big brother who’s always looked out for her. I love that you two are so close. He—he needs someone he can be close to.”
“I agree, he does.” Abby raised her eyebrows and tilted her head forward.
I sighed. “Well, at least we agree on that.”
“Do you love him?” she asked while slowly petting the sleepy puppy in her arms.
My breath caught, and I folded and unfolded my hands. I’d tried not to think about that as I attempted to come to terms with the lost chances we had. “I—I don’t know.”
She studied me intently and then finally nodded. “Fair enough. When you realize he’s worth giving another chance, you know where to find us.”
As she stood up, I struggled with words. “I don’t know if he wants … he and I just … the night we—” I groaned and shook my head. “I don’t know what to say.”
“It’s OK, Roxy. Take some time to think. A good relationship is worth waiting for.”
I tried to smile but probably failed miserably. “How long are you in town?”
“Just until Saturday. I wish I could stay through Sunday so Lila and I can have more adventures, but my roommate needs me back so we—never mind. It’s not important. Lila and I had a great day yesterday at that indoor water park just east of here. I couldn’t believe she’d never been there before.”
“Ah, well I’m glad she got the opportunity.” I cleared my throat and forced a smile. “All right, I’m sure you have … a lot to do. I hope you enjoy your vacation! ”
“I’d enjoy it a lot more if you forgave Jeff,” she said, nudging me in the elbow.
“I’m joking, mostly. You have to figure out what you want.
If that’s not my brother, fine. But if it is , don’t let him slip away.
We all make mistakes. Constantly. And people hurt each other sometimes.
But occasionally, people are worth all of it. ”
“Why?” I asked shakily. “Why are they worth it?”
“Because that person might be the one.”
“As in … the one?”
Abby smiled. “You understand now, don’t you?”
As soon as she left, I slumped in the chair as my mind turned over the words over and over again.
The one.