12. Not The First Person To Cry In This Office
NOT THE FIRST PERSON TO CRY IN THIS OFFICE
AIDEN
After moving into my new flat on the weekend, I’d severely miscalculated the time it would take me to get to work.
I’d gotten used to my five-minute walk from the hotel, so now I’m running late for work.
Which wouldn’t be such a big deal if Tara wasn’t always in super early and I’m paranoid about giving her even more reasons to resent my existence.
I still take a detour via the coffee shop downstairs, figuring I could at least appease her with hot chocolate.
But when I get upstairs, I find her desk empty.
Her computer and hand bag are here, so I figure she’s in the canteen.
Depositing her hot chocolate on the desk, I head for my office, surprised to find the blinds and door closed.
But that’s nothing compared to the surprise I feel when I open the door to find Tara sitting on the floor near the window, her forehead resting on her knees while she sobs.
“Tara? What’s wrong?” I ask, my hand still on the door handle.
She looks up quickly, wiping the tears away even as more keep coming. “Shit, sorry!” She leaps to her feet and smooths her clothing down .
When it looks like she’s going to try and run, I close the door behind me, afraid to spook her.
“It’s okay, really. You’re not the first person to cry in this office.” I try to lighten the mood, but she barely acknowledges my words.
“It’s not okay. I should go.”
“Hold on.” I take her hand in mine as she moves to brush past me and open the door. “What’s wrong?”
She glances down at our hands, and I let go, wary of overstepping.
“Just family stuff. I shouldn’t have let it get to me at work. I just need a minute, and then I’ll be fine.”
Bugger that. Tears like these aren’t easily overcome, and the last thing she should be doing is thinking about work when she’s clearly incredibly upset.
“You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong, but I think you should go home. If something is upsetting you this much, then the office is the last place you should be.”
She considers my words for a few moments, her eyes searching my face. “Why are you being so nice to me?” she finally asks.
I pause, not having expected this line of questioning. “Do you want me to be an arse? I mean, I could try to be one, I guess, but I’m not really built that way.”
She deflates a little, seeming smaller somehow. “No, you’re not, are you?” She’s quiet for a few moments, and just as I begin to think that she’s not going to speak again, she starts talking. “I just spoke to my father for the first time in twelve years.”
Of all the things she could have said, that wasn’t even on the table. “Shit, I’m sorry. That’s a lot to deal with on a Monday morning.”
She huffs a humourless laugh. “Right? I stupidly thought meeting him before work would give me an excuse not to hang around, but instead, I now feel like a completely garbage human being and am crying in my boss’s office.”
“You’re not a garbage human being. I’m sure you had your reasons for not speaking to him all those years.”
“Yeah.” She shrugs. “But now that he’s dying, I’m the bad guy.”
I hide my surprise at this bit of news. I consider her words, cocking my head to the side while I watch her wipe another tear away. “I don’t think dying erases the shit we do beforehand, Tara. Cut yourself a little slack.” I really want to give her a hug, but I doubt she would welcome that.
She lets out a breath, nodding. “Maybe I should go home. I don’t think I’m going to get much work done, anyway.”
“Good idea. Whoever told you that must be pretty smart,” I say with a smile, and am rewarded with a small laugh and a shake of her head.
“Thanks, Aiden. I’ll speak to you tomorrow.” She opens the door and, after squaring her shoulders and wiping away one last tear, heads back out to her desk.
I watch as she gathers her things, and she salutes me with her cup of hot chocolate before leaving.
Finally sitting down at my desk, I know it’s going to be a while before I can concentrate myself. Every encounter with this woman leaves me wanting to know more. I know all too well how it feels to have a terminally ill parent. I just hope it’s easier for her than it was for me.
A few hours later, Damien flags me down to see if I want to grab lunch out of the office together, which I’m more than happy to accept. It feels good to have finally made a friend, and the office has felt strange without Tara’s presence all morning.
“So, where’s your partner in crime?” Damien asks when we’re heading down in the lift.
I can only assume he’s talking about Tara. “She had a bit of a rough morning, so I sent her home. ”
Damien leans back against the wall and crosses his arms, considering me. “You’re nothing like your old man, you know that?”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“You should. Your Dad can be a bit of a -” he cuts himself off, so I finish for him.
“A bastard? Yeah, I know.”
He laughs, looking a little surprised at my open assessment of my father’s less than stellar qualities. “You’re good people, Aiden.”
“Thanks, I think…”
We head towards Post Office Square, and Damien shows me the food court hidden down below that I hadn’t seen before. Each grabbing some sushi, we head back to the sunny grassed area and take a seat on a bench to eat.
“It always feels so much better to get out of the office for a bit.” Damien takes a bite of his salmon and avocado roll.
“Yeah. I’m still discovering new places to sit and people watch. Certainly more interesting than that sad canteen.”
He nods in agreement while he chews. “So what was up with Tara? It’s not like her to take a day off.”
I shrug. “She just had some personal stuff come up. I’m sure she’ll be back in tomorrow like normal.” Having her open up to me felt like such a step forward for us, so the last thing I’m going to do is betray her confidence.
Even if it means being evasive with my new friend
“She’s an enigma, that one, that’s for sure. She’s so guarded with her personal life. It’s kind of refreshing compared to some of the others who bring all their drama to work. I have a lot of respect for her.”
I ponder his words for a few moments. When she’d opened up to me earlier, I had felt privileged that she’d finally felt comfortable enough to be honest with me. Now, knowing that she has kept colleagues she’s worked with for years at arm’s length… It feels a little heartwarming .
“Yeah… Me too,” I reply quietly.
It’s the last we mention the subject, but I carry the knowledge with me for the rest of the day and find myself looking forward to seeing her tomorrow.
After dinner, I bring my laptop to bed, ready for a video chat with Sarah.
“Hey, stranger. How’s things?” The screen opens up to show the top of her blonde head and the wall above.
“Good. Can’t see you properly, though. Still working on this technology thing?” I ask with a grin.
Although she’s a teacher and works with computers all day long, technology and her have never been friends.
“Shit, sorry, I wasn’t looking at my picture, was too busy admiring that handsome face.” Her smile finally comes into view while she adjusts the screen.
From her surroundings, I can tell she’s sitting on her sofa, and a stab of homesickness hits me in the chest. Many a night was spent on that sofa over the years.
“I miss you,” I blurt out, not feeling even a little self conscious about the admission.
Sarah has been the only person I’ve ever been able to be completely candid with.
She was the only friend to stick by me when everything happened with Mum and I had to step away from my studies.
Watching her get to go on and live the life I’d hoped to have for myself was bittersweet.
She helped get me through those dark days.
When we’d both struggled with the loneliness of the single life, we’d sought comfort from one another, although it was more physical than emotional.
Neither of us has ever developed romantic feelings throughout our friendship, but it was nice to at least have someone to turn to instead of always resorting to one-night stands with strangers.
“I miss you, too. Feels so strange not having you sitting on this sofa with me every night. Simon is a poor substitute.” She smiles at someone off camera, and I hear Simon yell “hey!” in the background.
“Hi Simon!” I call, and he appears beside her, wrestling the laptop off her.
“Hi, mate. Or should I say, G’day Mate?” he replies in his thick Scottish accent.
They’d met a few months before I’d left, and so far, he seems to be a good match for my crazy best friend.
“I am yet to hear a single person use that phrase, so we’ll just stick with ‘hi’.” I grin as Sarah’s hand appears, and she steals the laptop back.
“Bugger off, this is my Aiden time. You can have him after I finish.”
We settle in for a long chat, and I fill her in on the happenings over the last few weeks.
“So, what you’re telling me is that you’ve found yourself a bril assistant that gets you all hot and bothered? I want to meet this woman that gets the usually unflappable Aiden all flustered.” She grins evilly.
I roll my eyes. “She does not get me hot and bothered.”
“Lies. I know you too well, remember? You are definitely into this woman. And I approve. Seems like she’s got just the right amount of spark.”
“I’m changing the subject. How’s the break going?”
Sarah clucks her tongue, but allows me off the hook. “It’s been good. We went up to Glasgow so I could meet Simon’s parents and then into the highlands. You would have loved it.”
We chat a little longer about her adventures while on the summer break from her job as a drama teacher at a posh school in central London. When we end the call, I feel a little lighter at having been able to have a conversation that isn’t just surface level.
Now to just find myself friends like that in the same city I live in.