36. Not Having A Great Day
NOT HAVING A GREAT DAY
TARA
After seeing Aiden with his young siblings yesterday - and dealing with my ovaries screaming when I saw how good he was with them - I’m about to take him to meet with my own half-sisters.
We came straight to the hospital after work, and I’d barely been able to concentrate all day.
“I’m sorry I dragged you along,” I say to Aiden once he’s returned to his seat across the cafeteria table, after getting us both drinks.
“Don’t be silly. I wouldn’t have offered to come if it was a problem. I just want to be here to support you.”
I bite my lip. “At least meeting Mum last night was fairly pain free.”
I’d refused to let Dad be the first parent to meet Aiden, so had staged an impromptu Sunday roast dinner at home with Mum and Aiden last night. It had gone well, which shouldn’t have surprised me, because Aiden gets along with pretty much everyone .
“It’s going to be okay. I’m right here,” he says, stopping my fingers from tapping on the arm of the uncomfortable metal chair .
“I know… I’m just freaking out a little.” My leg starts to jiggle, my body determined to find a way to expel the nervous energy swirling inside me.
“Tara?” I look over my shoulder to see Jo standing a few steps away.
I get to my feet, nodding towards Aiden. “Hi Jo. This is my boyfriend, Aiden. Where’s Dad?”
She grimaces. “He’s not having a great day. He asked if you could come upstairs to the room. I’m sorry, I know you preferred to meet the girls down here.”
Emotions swirl within me. I can handle the change of location, but the knowledge that my father isn’t doing so well has set off something inside me that I’ve been refusing to acknowledge.
That I’m running out of time with him. That Annelisa is going to miss him if she doesn’t get her head out of her ass and get back here.
I swallow hard before nodding. Aiden gets to his feet beside me and takes my hand, leading me along to follow Jo back to the elevators.
The atmosphere in the elevator up to the ward is tense.
While I know I need to make peace with my father, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive the woman who tore him away from us and started a second family with him.
Logically, I know it took two people to do what they did, but logic plays no part in a broken heart.
“Do the girls know I’m coming?” I ask, breaking the silence between us as we walk down the hall to my father’s room.
“Yes. I’d say they are about as nervous as you are,” Jo replies, frowning a little.
I can tell she wants to say more, a mother bear protecting her young, but we reach his room before she has a chance. The door is open, and I can hear two young voices chatting away excitedly.
From what I can tell, they are telling Dad about their day at school .
“And then Amber told Peter that she hates him and they aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. So Peter told me he never liked Amber anyway and he always liked me more.”
I shoot a glance towards Aiden, who appears to be trying to fight back a smile when we overhear the last of Piper’s story.
“You shouldn’t accept someone else’s damaged goods,” Jordan tells her sister, with more wisdom than I expected from an eleven-year-old.
“Your sister’s right.” The change in Dad’s voice is so strong that it feels like I’ve been punched in the stomach.
He’s hooked up to an oxygen tank again, and his breathing seems laboured. Face pale, he appears to be struggling just to keep his eyes open, but he’s doing his best to seem like nothing is wrong.
But it’s all wrong.
They haven’t noticed us yet, so I step back slightly, nodding my head towards Jo for her to follow. I keep a tight grip on Aiden’s hand as I turn to face her again, hopefully out of earshot of the room.
“How much longer has he got?” I ask, doing my best to keep my voice from wavering.
She takes a deep breath, and for the first time, I realise just how hard this all is for her. “They’ve said it could be in the next few weeks. Did he tell you the details?”
I shake my head. “No… our visits have been a bit… fraught.”
I’ve been so caught up in my own emotions that I haven’t even asked for more information about how my father has become so sick in the first place.
Aiden squeezes my hand gently, bringing me back to the conversation while Jo gives me a sad look.
“By the time he showed any symptoms, he was already stage five. He was on the transplant list, but it’s gone too far for that. It’s now caused heart problems. He won’t be coming home from here.” She chokes on those final few words, and I take a deep, ragged breath.
Aiden pulls me in to his side, wrapping his arm around me and pressing his lips to my temple while I blink rapidly.
Jo stays quiet while I pull myself together, the fatigue on her face seeming to age her beyond her years. I can tell just how much of a toll this is all taking on her, and can only imagine how it must feel having your husband so sick while raising two young girls.
“Do the girls know how bad it is?” I ask finally.
“Somewhat. Jordan has more of an understanding of it all, but Piper has always been quite sensitive, and we’ve tried to only tell her what she needs to know. She’s a real daddy’s girl, so this is going to hit her hard.”
At the mention of Piper being a daddy’s girl, my stomach flips, and I have to fight to keep my expression neutral. I was a daddy’s girl once. Until I wasn’t.
Jo must see the conflicting emotions on my face, because she reaches forward to squeeze my arm gently. “I’ll give you a moment.”
She heads back into Dad’s room, and I turn to bury my face into Aiden’s neck while he rubs his hand up and down my back.
After a few more moments, I take another deep breath, steeling myself to go back in there. Aiden kisses my forehead when I look up at him, giving me some of his strength.
This must all be bringing back memories for him, and I feel guilty for dragging him into my family drama so soon after dealing with the loss of his own mother.
Pushing aside the thoughts that will need to wait until later, I lead the way back towards the door. Hesitating for only a moment, I step inside, closely followed by Aiden, and plaster a smile on my face.
Dad’s eyes meet mine, and he smiles, his head resting back against his pillow. “Hi Tara.” His voice cracks a little, and two little red heads swing around to look at me .
“Hi Dad.” I give a little wave, letting myself look at my younger sisters properly for the first time.
It’s alarming how much they remind me of Annelisa and myself at their ages. I’d always thought we looked more like Mum, but seeing these two little clones has me questioning everything I ever believed about myself.
“Girls. This is your sister, Tara,” Jo pipes up, squeezing Dad’s hand while he struggles to hold back his emotions.
Jordan is the first to speak, putting her arm around Piper. “Hi.”
I smile at them both, the first real smile I’ve used since I got to the hospital. “It’s nice to meet you both.”
“Who’s that?” Piper asks, pointing at Aiden.
“This is my boyfriend, Aiden.”
“I’ve got a boyfriend. His name is Peter,” Piper replies with a big smile.
Jordan makes a disgusted noise. “He’s not your boyfriend. You’re not allowed to be boyfriend and girlfriend with someone who was just going out with your best fiend. It’s against the girl code.”
“Am too. Amber was so mean to him all the time. I don’t even like her anymore.”
They start to squabble, and I glance at Dad. He seems unaffected by the arguing, but Jo steps in before it can escalate any further. Diverting the conversation from boyfriends and ex-best friends , she asks the girls to tell me what they like to do for fun.
Piper is a talented gymnast, and has to be stopped from showing me some of her tricks right there at the end of Dad’s bed.
Jordan is more reserved, watching me closely, and I can tell she is still deciding whether she can trust me or not. They really are so similar to Annelisa and me, and I can understand now why Dad wanted us to all meet.
“How come we’ve never met you before,” Jordan asks, interrupting Piper as she excitedly tells me about her next gymnastics competition in a few weeks.
I exchange a look with Dad, who nods slightly.
“Well… Dad and I haven’t really spoken very much for a few years. But we’re working on that now. I’m sorry I wasn’t around before now.”
Jordan narrows her eyes while she considers my answer. To my own ears, it was pretty weak, but I don’t think she needs to know the details of her conception and the fallout from it.
“So why isn’t our other sister here? Doesn’t she care that Dad is dy-” Jordan slams her mouth shut, looking at her mother quickly before speaking again. “Doesn’t she care that Dad is sick?”
Piper’s eyes swing from Jordan to me, and I wonder if she picked up on her sister’s slip-up.
“Annelisa lives in London now. It’s a long way for her to come. But she does care.”
Even if she won’t admit it to herself, she cares so damn much it hurts.
Jordan looks like she wants to argue, but Jo rests a hand on her shoulder, shaking her head when Jordan looks up at her.
“Let’s try to have a nice visit, hey?” Jo gives Jordan a pointed look, and she nods before looking back at me.
“So, Aiden. How did you and Tara meet?” Dad asks.
“Well, we met when Tara was hiding from the wedding she was part of.” He grins at me, before turning back to Dad. “But now we work together.”
I lean into his side a little more while he and my father talk. Piper has moved on to playing a game on her iPad, but Jordan is still studying me closely. I give her a little smile, which she eventually returns.
We spend another half an hour with them, but I notice Dad seems to be struggling even more. Exchanging a look with Jo, I pat Dad’s hand, and he turns his head slightly to look at me .
“We’re going to head off. But I’ll come back on the weekend, okay? I can bring you something from the bakery again.”
He smiles at me. “I’d really like that, Tara. Thank you for coming.”
Nodding, we say our goodbyes to everyone and I let Aiden lead me towards the door.
I pause before walking out, turning back to look at Dad and Jo.
While the girls are preoccupied with their technology, Jo is resting her forehead on Dad’s temple, and the sight of it makes my heart feel like it’s cracking down the middle.
Despite my feelings about their relationship, I can see how much this is hurting them both, and seeing them like this reminds me just how precious life is.
I have got to find a way to get Annelisa here before it’s too late.