46. Can’t All Find The One When We’re Teenagers
CAN’T ALL FIND THE ONE WHEN WE’RE TEENAGERS
TARA
The next morning, I arrive at Mum’s house earlier than planned to pick up Annelisa. She’s staying here for now, not wanting to chance running into anyone if she stays with me. Given the chances of people showing up unannounced is pretty high, it’s probably for the best.
I want to talk to her before we’re back at the hospital. While I was so happy to see her yesterday, we still have some tension to work out, and I’d rather not do that in front of others.
I walk inside to find Annelisa sitting in the kitchen, practically inhaling her breakfast.
“Not been able to get Vegemite in London?” I ask, admiring her skill at making a piece of toast disappear in 4 bites.
“I can but it’s ridiculously expensive so I don’t get it often. I’m taking a few jars back with me.” She moves on to her tea, taking a sip while watching me sit down.
“So,” I say, and she raises an eyebrow.
“So.”
I take a breath. “About the stuff I said on our last video call…” She puts her cup down and waits for me to continue. “I said some stuff that was probably a little too harsh.”
She shakes her head. “No, you didn’t. I needed to hear it, as much as it hurt like hell at the time.
I did a lot of self reflection after that conversation and you were right.
When I left, I was in such a shit headspace that I didn’t stop to think about how any of it would affect anyone else, except maybe Will.
” She winces a little when she says his name.
Like just the mention of the love of her life causes her physical pain.
“I’m sorry that things between the two of you soured because of my actions. And for what it did to everyone else.”
I watch her while she stares at the table, lost in thought. After a moment, I ask cautiously, “Lis? Why did you leave? What happened between you and Will?”
She slowly brings her gaze to mine. “Has he not told anyone?”
I shake my head. “No. He’s been as tightlipped as you. Although I think Chris knows something,” I reply, remembering Chris saying that Will had shared a little with him about what happened.
She sighs. “I can’t tell you everything, but it wasn’t because of anything Will did. Something happened, and I realised I wasn’t the right person for him. I wasn’t in a good place for awhile, and the way I handled it was terrible. But I wasn’t thinking straight, so I just left.”
“Why can’t either of you just tell us what happened?” I ask, growing frustrated with the secrecy.
“Because some things just need to stay between us,” she replies, her expression closing over.
I bite back my retort, wanting to point out that they are no longer an “us” because of how she broke them. Some things aren’t worth saying out loud, though.
Annelisa has always kept her feelings to herself, which has long frustrated me, but I guess she’s entitled to her secrets.
I nod, deciding not to push it any further. She’s already told me more in this short conversation than she’s opened up about in the last three years.
She continues eating her breakfast while we sit in silence for a few minutes, and I try to work out what more I can say on the subject.
It still doesn’t feel resolved, but I don’t know how to fix it while we have so much else going on.
Inspecting her closer, I realise now how much weight she’s lost since I last saw her in person, and I wonder what her life in London is really like.
I’ve always been curvier than her, but this is on a whole different level.
“When are you coming home, Lis?” I ask, eventually.
She leans her hip against the bench and sighs, the lines of fatigue on her face seeming to go deeper than just the jet lag. “I’m not.”
I cross my arms. “Everyone who loves you is here. I just worry about you being all alone over there. Do you even go out? Every time I speak to you, there’s another deadline you’re working towards. You used to be able to balance work with everything else, but it feels like work is all you do now.”
She shakes her head. “I can’t come back, Tara. I fucked everything up here. I don’t deserve to be happy anymore. It’s just better for everyone if I stay away.”
Her words are like a punch to the chest. That she is so convinced that we’re better off without her is devastating, and I get up to give her a hug. She resists at first, but eventually allows herself to relax and hug me back.
“No matter what happened, Lis, you deserve to be happy. Whatever it was, I’m sure it’s not as bad as you’ve built it up in your head.”
She shakes her head but doesn’t reply, and I can tell there’s no convincing her. I just hope that one day, she realises that the people who love her are hurting more without her in our lives than if she came back.
“We should get going,” she says, stepping back .
I nod, waiting for her to collect her handbag before leading the way out to my car.
“Where’s Aiden?” she asks, settling into the passenger seat.
“I sent him to work today. I don’t want to make him sit around the hospital and bring back memories of his mum constantly.”
Last night, I was too emotionally drained to talk about the events of the last few days, and Aiden had been amazing, just allowing me to lie with my head on his chest without pressuring me to talk. But I know we’re eventually going to have to talk it all out.
“He doesn’t seem to mind, Tara. I think it’s great you’ve found someone who seems so supportive,” Annelisa says, pulling me from the memory of Aiden running his fingers through my hair in the early hours of the morning.
“He is honestly amazing, Lis. I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I love him more than I ever thought possible. After all the years alone, I thought it would never be my turn.”
She reaches over and squeezes my leg. “You were always meant to be with someone like him. You were never going to be the one who dated around. You just needed to find your person. We can’t all find the one when we’re teenagers.” Her tone is wistful, and I know she’s thinking of Will.
It’s so obvious that they are both miserable without each other. I just have to hope that they both eventually find a way to move on. Or, even better, find their way back to each other.