Chapter 47
Grim
The knocking starts up again.
I groan and roll over on the sofa, pulling the cushion over my head. Maybe if I ignore it long enough, whoever it is will just fuck off and leave me alone.
The knocking continues. It’s a persistent fucker. Annoying as hell.
“Go away,” I mutter into the cushion.
I turn back over.
The empty whiskey bottle on the coffee table blocks my view of the door, which suits me just fine since I’m not going to open it.
The knocking stops.
Thank fuck.
I close my eyes, willing sleep to come back. It doesn’t. Whoever it is ruined the moment. Afternoon naps are the best…or is it morning? Who cares? Mid-morning naps are good, too.
Someone walks around my cabin. Now they’re on my deck.
“Grim!” a male voice calls out. “I know you’re in there!”
It’s Drake.
He needs to go away.
I’m not home. Why isn’t he getting the hint?
“Open the damn door!” He bangs on what sounds like one of the side windows.
I don’t move. Don’t respond.
“I can see you through the window, asshole!” Drake shouts. “You’re lying on the sofa. Stop being a dick and open the door.”
Fuck my life.
I should have moved deeper into the jungle. Should have gone somewhere no one could find me. It’s why I chose this spot. To have space. To be left the hell alone.
There’s another knock on my front door, right before it opens.
I don’t even turn my head. “I didn’t invite you in. You can turn around and leave.”
“Yeah, well, I’m inviting myself.” Drake’s footsteps echo across the hardwood floor. “Jesus Christ, Grim. What the hell?”
“What?” I still don’t look at him.
“This place is a disaster.” His voice is closer now. He must be standing in the middle of my living room. “And you… Fuck. When was the last time you showered?”
“Yesterday,” I lie. “Maybe the day before. What’s it to you?”
“I have to smell you.”
“You really don’t, since I didn’t invite you in.”
Drake moves closer. “This isn’t healthy, man. You need to get your ass up and—”
“I don’t need to do anything.” I finally turn my head to glare at him. “I’m fine right here.”
Drake snorts. “You’re not fine. Look at you. Look at this place.”
I glance around, seeing my cabin through his eyes. Dirty dishes piled in the sink. Food wrappers everywhere. Clothes on the floor. Most of the curtains are drawn, blocking out the sunlight. The place probably smells like a dumpster.
When last did I take out the trash?
I look back at Drake. “So I’m a little messy. Sue me.”
“A little messy?” He kicks an empty bottle with his boot. It rolls across the floor with a hollow sound. “You’re living like a fucking animal, Grim.”
“Then leave.” I close my eyes again. “No one’s forcing you to stay.”
He doesn’t leave. Of course he doesn’t. Instead, I hear him moving around. Opening curtains. The sudden brightness makes me wince.
“Stop,” I growl.
“No.” He opens another set of curtains and then a window. “You’re going to sit here and listen to me, whether you like it or not.”
“Actually, I don’t have to do shit.” I sit up, my head spinning a little. When was the last time I ate? “You can get the fuck out of my house, Drake. I don’t want to see you or anyone else.”
He walks over and sits on the edge of the sofa opposite me.
“I didn’t invite you to sit,” I snap. “You can go. There’s the door.” I point for emphasis.
“I’m not going.” Drake shakes his head. “Not until we’ve talked.”
“We’ve talked.” I swing my legs off the sofa and plant my feet on the floor. “Go already!”
“We’re talking first. There’s something I need to know. Did you mind-bond Wren?” Drake leans forward, his elbows on his knees. “You did, didn’t you? You had sex with her, and then you mind-bonded the last time you shifted. Admit it already.”
My jaw clenches. “No. I’m not bonded to anyone. Fuck that.”
“Grim—”
“You can go now.” I point at the door again. “There it is. Feel free to use it.”
“I’m not going until you’re straight with me.
” His eyes bore into mine. “I should have seen it that day when I picked you up. I should have put two and two together, but after being shot…and the whole aftermath with the Mainland… Fuck! I missed the signs. I was so busy with Council meetings and the whole fallout of the truth coming out. Or some of it coming out.” He shakes his head.
“I didn’t see the signs. You bonded with Wren, and now you’re even more broken than before. ”
Something cracks inside me. Something I’ve been holding together with sheer stubbornness.
“Okay, fine! Fuck! I mind-bonded with her, but we only connected once,” I growl. “I will be fine soon enough. Once isn’t enough to get tight. I’m absolutely fine!”
Drake stands, uttering a curse under his breath.
“I knew it. Once I started thinking about it, I realized. Sally mentioned that you didn’t look great when you went to see her a week ago.
” He starts pacing. “Hopefully, it will ease off once the vaccination is fully out of your system, once you form a greater connection with your beast. We won’t even need riders anymore.
I mean, of course I’ll need Harlow…but we won’t be reliant on riders anymore.
Everything is changing. We won’t have to guard our borders against Mistveil dragons.
We won’t even need Tributes. The next period is going to be interesting. ”
“So now you know. You just agreed that I don’t need her.” I snort. “I’m due for my vaccination around about now. I’ll be fine. Fuck, I am fine.”
I don’t tell him that my dragon is gone. That he’s left me completely. That I can’t feel him at all.
I doubt I could shift right now even if I wanted to. But I will be fine soon. That, I know for sure. He’s just a big sulking pussy. He’ll get over her.
“You’re not fine.” Drake stops pacing and turns to face me. “Look at you. Look at this place.”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s not, and neither are you.” He sits back down, his expression troubled. “That’s not a great attitude to have. It worries me.”
I sit up taller. “Don’t be worried. For the last time, I’m fine. Speaking of fine, have you seen Wren recently? How is she? Has she taken the money? You need to tell her to take it. Hell, she can have my portion. I don’t need it.”
Drake’s eyebrows go up. “You do need it. Look at you. You look like a homeless person. Like someone stepped on your puppy. Like you—” He stops mid-sentence, his eyes widening. “Oh shit! Holy fucking shit. I just realized what you look like. I know what’s going on. You’re in love with her.”
I roll my eyes. “I am not. Just because I want to give her the money doesn’t mean I love her. I only just met her. We fucked…yes, sure, fine. It was good…the best sex I ever had. I would happily admit to being in lust with her, but not love. No fucking way.”
“You are!” Drake’s voice rises. “I can see it. I know it. Look at you crying like a lovesick puppy dog.”
“I am not crying like fucking anything…especially not a puppy dog.” Heat rises in my chest. “What the fuck!? If you’re going to insult me, you can fuck right off. In fact, I think you should go.” I point at the door yet again.
“You’re refusing to admit it because that would mean making yourself vulnerable.” Drake’s whole demeanor changes. “That’s why you didn’t tell her what the headaches meant, or any of it.”
“I didn’t tell her about the rest because you forbade me to, asshole.”
Drake starts laughing. He laughs so hard he slaps his leg.
“I’m going to fuck you up if you don’t stop laughing.” I stand, my fists clenched. “I swear to god. I will end you, Drake.”
“Okay, okay.” He holds up his hands, still chuckling.
“Your face is going all red. Calm down.” His expression turns serious.
“You didn’t tell her because I forbade you to.
I couldn’t forbid you from doing something even if I tried.
You didn’t tell her because that would mean trusting her.
Trusting her would mean opening yourself up again.
Jordyn fucked you up, and you weren’t even in love with her.
You were too afraid to make yourself vulnerable all over again.
Well, I hate to tell you, but it didn’t work.
You fell for her. You’re fucked up anyway.
You should come clean and tell her how you feel. ”
“I would if that’s how I felt.” I cross my arms over my chest. He’s so full of it. Thinks he knows everything.
“Holy fuck! You still can’t admit it to yourself.”
“There’s nothing to admit.”
“You keep telling yourself that,” he mutters, shaking his head.
“I will, because it’s true.”
Drake stands and moves toward me. “If you are in love with her – and only you will be able to answer that question – but if you are, you should do something about it, or you’ll lose her. She isn’t going to wait too much longer for you to sort out your shit…to come to your senses.”
“Wren isn’t waiting for me.” I shake my head. “She made it very clear that she wants nothing to do with me.”
“I highly doubt it. If you actually cleaned up and tried…put some effort in, you might be surprised.”
“She made it crystal clear.” My throat tightens. “I hurt her. It can’t be fixed. It’s done.” I shrug.
“That’s more bullshit so that you can let yourself off the hook and take the easy way out.” Drake walks toward the door, then pauses with his hand on the handle. “You stay here and wallow in self-pity.”
“I will!” I shout after him as he pulls the door open.
He leaves. Fucking finally!
He’s so full of it, thinks he knows every damned thing, but he doesn’t. Wren may have looked at me in a certain way. It felt like…like maybe there was more there…but that’s gone. I fucked it up.
And maybe that’s for the best.
I walk back to the sofa and lie down, grabbing the remote, turning the television back on.