Chapter 18 The Lake
“ W hat is this place?”
The drivers side door slammed shut, and seconds later Ethan came around to the front of his car where I was. Together, we looked out at the flat line of water that stretched out across the lake you’d never know was here if you didn’t have any prior knowledge of it.
“I used to come here a lot with my dad when I was a kid. We’d fish and sometimes my mom and sister would come along and we would all camp out and have a picnic right down by the shoreline.”
I looked over to him, the sun spotlighting the memories in his eyes as well as the short beginnings of stubble dressing his jawline I’d not noticed until now. Was he growing out that beard he mentioned a while back? If so, Monica would definitely make him shave it when she got back from her trip.
In the meantime though, I’d enjoy the rugged look of it in secret.
“When was the last time you were out here?”
Ethan crossed his arms across his chest just as the wind picked up and tousled his hair. “Few years.”
“How long’s a few?”
A small twist of a smile showed on Ethan’s mouth as he turned his gaze over to me.
“Someone’s inquisitive today.”
Oh my God. He’s right. “Sorry.”
Amusement blossomed across his face. “Why?”
“ Um, because… I don’t want to cross any lines or anything by asking too much.”
Just like that—like there was an on and off switch behind his eyes—all amusement went dark and Ethan’s stare turned grim. A chill passed through me despite the sun beating down on my skin, and I felt the hairs on my arms rise as Ethan spoke.
“We’ve definitely got to be careful of those lines.”
His words hit like one of those familiar bricks in my stomach, and I felt almost nauseous. Did this mean he knew about my crush on him? Is that what he meant about being careful about crossing lines? Was this his polite way of turning me down?
I wanted to leave. I wanted to throw up, get in the car, and drive away until Ethan was a speck in the rearview window. He was either referring to my being too inquisitive about his past or my crush on him, and either option sucked and left me totally and unbearably humiliated.
“Um, do you want me to stay in the car while you take your photos? That’s probably best so I don’t get in the way, right?” Without giving him room to answer, I’d already begun a beeline back to my side of the car.
“Wait—” Warm fingers clamped around my arm, stopping and spinning my body back in the direction I was trying to run from. My heart jumped up my throat, choking my next breath back as I spun right into Ethan and his awaiting stare.
“You think I brought you out here so that you could sit in the car?” He let out a soft, breath of a laugh that fanned across my face. The smell of his sweet breath melted into my pores and immediately, I craved more of it. “So get out there and strike a pose, muse .”
Shock dropped my jaw open. “What?”
“Yup.” Ethan backed away with a lazy smile pulling his lips. “Every photographer needs a muse. Today, that’s you.”
“But I’m not a model,” I fought.
“You are today.”
“But I barely have any make-up on! Plus, jeggings and a tank-top aren’t exactly model clothing.”
“They’re perfect.” Sunlight touched his eyes, brightening the already stunning gleam glossing over them as he looked at me.
He drug his stare across my face and everywhere it touched felt like a sweet caress.
Bringing those eyes back to mine, the light in them expanded into something too beautiful for words.
“You look perfect.”
This was a bad idea.
While I had no control over my feelings for Ethan, I did have control over what I did to get rid of those feelings.
Coming here with him, spending more time with him, putting myself in situations for him to say such disarming things to me like just now was not helping.
All of those things were the opposite of helping, actually.
But we were already here, and I’d made my grave for the day as it were.
After today, I’d be better about it. I’d be smarter than I was today.
After today, I’d start putting that distance between him and I that my heart knew was necessary to move on.
With that in mind, I made the selfish decision that I’d make the most of what was left of today.
I’d soak up all of Ethan that I could for one more day before beginning the process to deplete him from my system.
“Okay.”
My agreement obviously surprised Ethan by his widening expression, but he looked happy that I wasn’t fighting him on this, and I liked making him look happy.
“So, what… do I do?” An awkward laugh tumbled from my lips.
“Take your hair down.”
I did as he said, pulling the hair-tie from around my tightly wound bun. The end of my hair brushed the small of my back as it fell down around my shoulders, and I thought how I needed a haircut soon.
“Now what?”
The camera hanging around Ethan’s neck, he took it in his hands and backed up. He got about ten feet back before bringing the camera up to his face, and just before his eyes were hidden behind the lense, they met mine and even now, I swear I saw them sparkle.
“Just dance.”
Nerves exploded through my chest, each individual nerve spreading to a new area of my body so every part of me was alive with the same frenetic energy. I tried my best to shake off the nerves, but it didn’t work.
I’d have to deal with the nerves the same as I would anything else in my life that overwhelmed me and dance them out of my system. Closing my eyes, I filled my lungs with fresh air, letting it wash through my body like a wave, clearing it to the bare bones of any unwanted feelings.
Zeroing my focus away from the surrounding distractions—the breeze rustling in the trees around us, the small plop of something in the lake, and the suffocating presence of the man in front of me, I breathed it all out. I pushed it all away until my mind was as blank as a barren stage.
Slowly, music notes emerged from the wings of the stage, and crept their way up to me, sliding along the grooves and pirouetting around and around. The silent music they created was a melody only heard in my head, playing solely for me.
One of the notes reached its hand out to me, asking ‘please’. Smiling softly, my arm glided out, and I laid my hand in theirs… and we danced. The note took me along the path of a sweet song, moving my body where it wanted and as we danced, small ‘clicks’ joined in the beat.
I paid no mind to the clicks, and kept following my friend in the song, spinning and stretching my body into new positions until a voice stopped me.
“Stop. Don’t move.”
The voice slipped my hand from the music note’s grasp and back into a scene where it was just me and Ethan and the nature around us.
My body stilled as Ethan demanded, stuck with one arm up and the other out at my side.
My head tilted back, with my heart hammering against my pushed out chest that was a natural result of my arched back.
Movement in front of my closed eyes caused an unintentional flinch, and my eyes flew open.
And there he was—right there in front of me—close enough to steal the breath right off my lips. His eyes fell to mine, and I almost caved right then and there and kissed him. I felt the urge to have his mouth on mine pulse through my veins, making my lips tingle with the very thought of his.
The beauty of his eyes bled through mine as we stared at each other for a moment in time that had stopped just for us. His stare reached down my face, the blue of his eyes turning sharp, and I so badly wished I could know what he was thinking.
“Close your eyes,” he murmured, his voice low and pulling the string loose on my inhibitions.
The picture in front of my eyes went dark as I followed his instructions, now left with only four of my senses to identify Ethan with.
I could smell him and his crisp cologne, so I knew he was still close.
I could hear his even breathing, pulling in and out of his nose, and my tongue was full of his exquisite scent.
As far as feeling went…
I didn’t feel him until a tender graze of fingers crossed my forehead, pushing a strand of hair from my cheek and back. I felt him again on my raised hand as fingers turned mine out and spread them using his own. For just a second, it was like we were holding hands.
With him so near and fixing my body to the position he wanted it in for the picture, I couldn’t help but wonder if he thought of kissing me, too.
Not because it’s something he wanted, but being this close to anyone might bring on thoughts of that sort.
Maybe if he wasn’t taken and I wasn’t off-limits, I might feel the press of his lips against mine right about now.
I didn’t—of course—and soon my front washed cold and I knew he was gone. The clicking of a camera picked back up and after a few more minutes, he said that we were done and that I could look at them.
“I still might have to edit a few, but…” The rest of Ethan’s sentence drifted into silence and for the first time today, he was the one who looked nervous.
I tried to hide my smile beneath my sheet of hair as I walked over to him, and he handed me the camera without taking his eyes off of his shoes.
His unusual worry turned him into this adorable version of himself that was almost more tempting than his common confident self, and I really wished he would snap out of it.
Saving myself from any further torture that came from looking at him, I steered my gaze to the camera that was now in my hands.
“Woah,” I breathed.
I couldn’t even hold my reaction in. It spilled right out of me as if the woman in the picture grabbed my lungs and squeezed. She was beautiful. She was ethereal in the bask of the sunlight.
She was me.
“These are—” I stopped, stumbling to find the right compliment. “You’re really good at this.”
“I guess I haven’t fully lost my touch.”