Chapter 24 Moving Day #2
“I want…” I paused when he placed a hand on the countertop right next to my knee. His hand looked so big laying right there, right next to my leg that was fighting not to inch its way towards it. With a significant amount of difficulty, I pushed out the only truth that mattered.
“I want my sister to be happy.”
A breath so sharp it perforated the breathable air between us followed my answer, Ethan’s fingers turning to a tight-knuckled fist. Between us, the oxygen dried thick and uncomfortable, the way it stuck to my clothes and to my skin.
A bead of nervous sweat trickled down my breasts, and even though the room was barely lit, I could have sworn I saw the shadows of Ethan’s eyelashes fall across his cheeks as he watched the sweat drip down.
Even the notion that he was watching me in such an intimate manner heaved my chest with burdensome breaths, realizing I was quickly falling victim to the trap he laid out for me unknowingly.
I needed to leave before I let myself fall back into those forbidden patterns with Ethan I swore off just yesterday.
“I think I’m going to head to bed.”
Reaching for the top to the ice cream, I didn’t even get close to touching it before Ethan cut me off.
“You can’t move out,” Ethan spoke as suddenly as his hands appeared on either side of me.
Shock blew my eyes wide at his abrupt closeness. “Ethan—”
“Please,” he cut me off. His head dipped low right in front of me, as low as the voice he spoke begged in. “Not now.”
My next breath swayed in my lungs as Ethan rose his head back up, instinctively knowing whatever expression they held would be heartbreaking. And I was right. He was marble cracked with strain. Pleading. Crest-fallen. “This is me asking you please don’t move out.”
“I already signed the lease,” I tried to explain. “I’d lose my deposit.”
“I’ll reimburse you.”
“Ethan, that’s ridiculous.”
“I know,” he sighed, his breath minty and sweet, and the intoxicating smell went right to my head. “I know, but I just need time to think.”
“About what?”
Just two words, one question, and we both stopped. That question was unsafe, and we both recognized it as soon as it was in the open.
Anticipation bubbled up beneath the shadowed blue of his eyes, like he couldn’t wait to shed the weight of the thoughts he kept to himself off his chest.
“Do you really want to know?”
Yes and no. Yes, because I was selfish and weak. No, because I had enough of an idea of what he was going to say if I said ‘yes’ and I wasn’t prepared to destroy any of our lives tonight. There was an opportunity in every making of every poor decision ever to say no, and this was mine.
“No. They’re your private thoughts and I don’t have any right to them.”
“But what if I wanted to tell you?”
“Ethan, I — ” I cut myself off, overwhelmed by his persistence. Frustrated and unable to think of another viable excuse to move out that wasn’t ‘I need to leave before I fall head over heels in love with you.’ I shoved another bite of ice cream in my mouth as a distraction.
In the quick movement, my spoon clipped the side of my bottom lip and the cold prick of ice cream melted on my lips.
I flicked my tongue out to gather up the dessert I left behind on my bottom lip.
Just as I did, a hand appeared just beneath my chin.
My stare tore up to Ethan’s, looking for a clue as to what he was doing.
He wasn’t looking at me though. All of his attention was on his thumb as it brushed right across my bottom lip, caressing what was left of the ice cream from my mouth.
His touch grazed so close to where my lips parted, my tongue dared to try and reach out and touch him. Thankfully, I refrained long enough for him to pull his hand back to himself. What was my dumb mistake was chasing his hand with my eyes as it went away, all the way up to his awaiting stare.
The look in his eyes was like a needle stuck itself through my breast bones. Piercing and intimate, painful all the same.
Was he doing this on purpose? Did he know what he was doing to me? To us?
By the undeclared affection rising in his eyes, I was sure the answer was one that momentarily thrilled me, but ultimately gutted and destroyed me. He knew the effect he had on me. He knew and he didn’t stop.
With Ethan so close and his eyes promising unfulfillable promises, I found my strength and my voice.
“I think we both know why I need to leave this house.”
I didn’t wait to see his reaction or what he had to say. I pushed my way past him and off of the counter, placed my ice cream back in the freezer, and left off to bed.
That was the last time Ethan and I had spoken more than a civil ‘Hello’ or ‘Goodnight.’ in almost two weeks.
I did my best to be out of the house as much as possible, and between dancing and working, I’d done a solid job.
Ethan hadn’t tried to catch me at work or text me or corner me in the kitchen either.
Since that night, it appeared both of us finally got the right message.
Voices coming from the hallway drew mine and Monica’s attention, and they sounded like they were fighting.
“Dude, I can help,” came one voice.
“I don’t need your help. I could have done this by myself,” replied the other, severely annoyed.
Ethan was the first to come through the door, carrying my nightstand in both hands and a vexed expression on his face. Following right behind him was a face that both surprised and delighted me.
“Peter, hey!”
His kind eyes met mine from across the room as he set down the floor lamp he’d helped bring up. He smiled over at me, beaming with such effortless charm that it laid to waste the dark energy Ethan crowded the room with.
He’d barely been here five seconds and already, the room felt lighter and sunnier.
“I didn’t know you were coming today?” My head craned back as Peter walked over to me and stopped just before he would have run me over. With a shine to his eyes, he replied.
“Maybe I wanted to surprise you.”
I fought and quickly gave up the battle to let a dopey grin stretch across my face.
“Well then, consider me surprised.”
Peter jumped his eyebrows up at me teasingly before landing a swift kiss on my cheek. The feeling of his kiss lingered upon my skin and I waited, and I waited, and I kept waiting for it.
Several seconds passed before I gave up. No butterflies yet.
They would come though. I was sure of it. Peter was too sweet and made me feel too at ease for it not to happen eventually. The sparks would come after the closeness and security set in like a healthy relationship should.
“Do you want to go back down to the truck together and get the mattress?” Peter offered, extending the olive branch to Ethan.
Ethan, standing just outside of my bedroom, snipped that branch without even sparing his friend a glance.
“You’re welcome to go do that. I’ve got to put the drawers back in this nightstand before I do anything else.”
“Oh, I’m sure I can figure out the drawers if you want to go help him?” I tried.
Ethan didn’t award me the same privilege as he had Peter and his stare sliced right over to mine. I struggled not to flinch at the overpowering disdain that turned the light blue of his eyes to soot.
“I’d rather not have to come behind you and fix it, so lets just do it right the first time.”
Without waiting for a response, Ethan turned and disappeared into my new bedroom, leaving me gaping at his retreating figure.
“I’ll help with the mattress,” I heard Monica say to Peter behind me.
“Wait!” I spun to face them both, desperation spiking high through my blood. “Please don’t leave me?”
Monica seemed to know precisely what I was getting at as her eyes rolled and she let out a sigh. “I know, but maybe you can pull that stick out of his ass.”
My voice dissolved to a pleading whisper. “But why does it have to be me?”
“Because he hates both of us right now for whatever reason.”
“What’s to say he doesn’t hate me too?”
“He doesn’t,” Peter chimed in. “No one could hate you.”
“Yeah, you’re all lovable and sweet and shit.”
“Gee thanks, Mon.”
“Any time. Good luck!” Before I could protest any further, both of them were gone, shutting the front door behind them.
Cowards.
I hung out in the living room for as long as I could before making my way towards the bedroom and the angry clanks of furniture being put together coming from inside. I made it all the way to the open door before spotting Ethan knelt on the floor, tools, bolts, and screws scattered all around him.
He hadn’t noticed me yet, and I could breathe a momentary sigh of relief for that.
He was in his own world and in his own mind, hunched over the drawers he was assembling on my bedroom floor.
Even though I couldn’t see his face, I could picture the perfect concentration that was most likely sitting there.
His eyes squinted and focused, the patch of skin between his eyebrows wrinkled together, and his lips sweetly pursed.
“Are you going to say anything or just keep watching me?”
Blood shocked its way into my cheeks as my stomach sunk through to the floor.
“Oh, sorry. I just-just wasn’t sure if I should interrupt you.”
Without sparing me a look, he shot back. “If you want these drawers put together then probably not.”
“That’s… that’s probably a good point.” I tried to laugh it off, but Ethan’s souring mood vacuumed any attempt at humor from the air.
Hesitantly, I moved one step closer into the room. “I just wanted to thank you for helping out today. You’ve been a huge help.”
“Yeah, well it appears I wasn’t needed as much as I thought since you’ve got Peter at your beck and call.”
“ Oh— ” Wow, he’s being difficult. “I didn’t know he was coming today. He wanted to surprise me, I guess.”
A jolt jumped through my body as Ethan slammed one of my drawers shut in my nightstand.
“So I take it you two are seeing each other now?”
The dangerous bite to Ethan’s tone as he asked that question did not go unnoticed.
His question plucked a curious chord within me, and I stepped a couple more feet into the bedroom. “Is there a difference between seeing someone and dating them? I know that may be a stupid question but I’ve been out of the dating game for so long that I don’t really know.”
For the first time in this short conversation, Ethan looked to me. The very next breath in my lungs chilled as the temperature in the room plummeted.
“Yes. A big difference.”
His stare was like frost-bite and left the same bruising wound in its wake as he pulled his stare back down to the drawers. These bruises were invisible, of course, but everyone knew that the bruises you couldn’t see were the worst ones left behind.
I’d done this to him and to myself. I shut him out and cut off our friendship, and now we were both drifting, looking for a reason and something to blame it on.
It was my fault, but in time, he would appreciate the sacrifices we both made in exchange for the beautiful life he would have with my sister.
“Then we’re just seeing each other.”
“Does this mean you guys had that second date?”
All sorts of nasty, guilty feelings attacked my stomach as I remembered lying to Ethan about what I did on second dates, and what I planned to do with Peter on ours.
Gah, I had been so mad. So stupid. I’d been so stupidly mad.
“We did.” The string cord attached to the blinds over my window became my necessary distraction. “He took me to the Chicago Zoo, which was amazing . They even had penguins! Which is my favorite animal.”
“That sounds great.”
Although his biting tone and how his fingers curled until his knuckles shined white didn’t make it seem like he really thought it was so great.
“Yeah…” And then, I said the one thing I knew I shouldn’t.
“I didn’t sleep with him, you know. I can feel you wanting to ask even though I’m not really sure why it matters.”
Ethan slammed the second drawer into place so hard the entire nightstand shook.
The muscles in his arms flexed against his shoulder sleeves as he pushed himself up off of the floor.
Every muscle in my body followed suit, tensing up as Ethan turned right for me with a sneer on his mouth and distance in his eyes.
“It doesn’t.”
And then he walked right out the same door I’d walked in and closed it shut, shutting me out just the same as I’d done to him.