Chapter 42 Force My Hand
T he next morning, it was the heated hand that laid heavy across my hip that stirred me from my sleep.
Its presence was too warm to ignore and pulled my eyelids open. My brain woke up about as slowly as my vision cleared just enough to see the room around me, and more notably, the man sleeping next to me.
Well, more accurately, sleeping just beneath me.
For the most part, I was lying completely on top of Ethan.
My leg draped across both of his, my arm mirroring the same position across his chest and thanks to Ethan’s arm that was wrapped around my hips holding me against him, my entire front was pressed against him too.
All of me that could be touching Ethan was, and for just a second in my early morning solitude, I appreciated the simplicity of the moment.
Just two lovers, entangled in each other as they wake from a night of love-making.
Anything past that didn’t matter as I laid there on top of him, breathing my lungs full of his usual aroma, now touched with a faint scent of sweat from our night together.
All that mattered was all I could take in in this stolen moment.
How his chest rose and fell in such a melodic rhythm that it could have lulled me back to sleep if I let it.
How smooth his bare chest felt beneath my fingers as I ran them up and down his sternum as he slept.
What I wouldn’t give to be able to lay here all day with him and forget the world around us for just another few hours…
Unfortunately for us, our time was always cut short, and the world outside demanded our full attention—separately.
The dance competition was today for me, and I was sure Ethan had work to get to. Our blissful time in the moonlight was over with the rising of the sun and the bright light it cast on the sinful deeds we’d played out in the shadows the moonlight provided.
Slowly, I began to shift myself over and off of Ethan to go in search of my clothes. I barely made it an inch before the hand around my waist tightened and flattened my naked body back against his.
“You tryin’ to run out on me?”
Ethan’s thick with sleep voice pulled my gaze up to his face, finding his eyes closed but a spirited smile trying its best not to show itself on his lips.
“I have to get ready to go,” I replied, not bothering to mask the woe in my tone.
Ethan shook his head, a deep protest rumbling in his chest. Next thing, I was being rolled until my back was pressed to the mattress and Ethan’s still naked body settled on top of mine, trapping me between him and the bed. He dropped his head into the crook of my neck, his breath tickling my skin.
“I think you should stay in bed a couple hours longer.”
Oh God .
The sensual promise in his voice plus the feel of his powerful body pressing against mine awoke every erotic nerve inside of me. I let a moan go free without even thinking about it as Ethan caressed my neck in slow kisses, dragging his tongue along my skin in tantalizing circles.
Ethan knew what he was doing too. That became especially apparent as he rocked his hips into mine, allowing me to feel the smooth length of him growing against my hip bone.
“Ethan,” I tried to protest.
Yet, he only responded with an encouraging and teasing, “Yes?”
“Don’t you have work to get to?”
“I already planned on calling in,” he mumbled through a hot-blooded kiss along the hollow of my neck.
“But, but you— oh —” The rest of my sentence sucked down with a gasp that tore through my chest as Ethan unexpectedly dipped his head down to my breasts, grabbing one in his mouth.
I threw my head back into the pillow, arching my back to press myself even more into Ethan’s mouth, urging on his actions in a way that went totally against what my lips were saying.
“I really have to go.”
“Sure you do,” Ethan quipped, barely parting his mouth from my breast. I moaned out again as Ethan rolled my sensitive nipple around his tongue at the same time he rolled his hips against mine, his erection grinding against my pelvis.
“Ethan, I—” I stopped to breathe, gasping as Ethan ramped his unfair teasing up and pinched my nipple in his teeth.
The erotic sting shot down to my core, and I wriggled against him to ease the friction he was building inside of me.
Between my legs, I could feel myself growing wet and ready for him, even though I knew I couldn’t stay.
“I have to get home and shower before getting ready,” I tried once more.
Finally, cold air swept across my breast as Ethan looked up at me, arching an intrigued eyebrow. “Shower?”
His expression turned over with mischief and the heat in his gaze pulsed a desire down my entire body, and I knew before he’d even spoken that I’d once again lost to him.
“Mind if I join you?”
* * *
What began as a normal shower quickly turned as hot as the humid air surrounding us, just like I knew it would. It was never my intention to have sex with Ethan more than once, but I didn’t stand a chance against his skillful mouth and the sinful words he spoke using that same mouth.
I was Ethan’s to have in every way, and I wanted him to take me while we still had the time left. With the shower pouring down around us, Ethan and I made love one last time. Water slipped between our lips as we kissed, my back pressed against the wall of the shower with Ethan holding me up.
The rushing of the water muffled the sounds of our pleasure as Ethan pushed himself into me, building both of our releases with every thrust of his hips.
As I clung to him, overwhelmed by his touch, how he tasted, and how he felt inside of me, the breach of tears pressed on the backs of my eyes just as they did yesterday.
I quickly came to the conclusion that even if he and I had no limitations or expiration date past when we stepped out of this shower, I would never, ever get used to being with Ethan like this.
It was truly too other-worldly magnificent to not overpower my simple self.
Ethan’s breath raced hot across my face as he kept up his rhythm, pulling out of me slow enough to drag me right to the edge of pleading before burying himself back inside of me.
I whimpered and moaned, clinging to his wet muscles as the pressure in my core twisted tighter and tighter with every meeting of our hips.
My orgasm came almost as fast as it did last night, and Ethan swallowed my cries of pleasure with his sweet, deep kisses. He followed not too long after, whispering his love for me in my ear as he found his own release.
Instinctively, I knew nothing would ever sound so lovely again in comparison to that.
We got out of the shower just a few minutes later, Ethan wrapping a big, fluffy towel around my dripping and shivering body. He dragged me into him, drying me off with such an easy smile gracing his lips that I had to look away.
How he could be so happy in the moments that we both knew were our last was beyond me.
Ever since we exited the shower, this heavy, suffocating blanket of sadness laid across my chest, and I felt like I couldn’t move, let alone breathe.
I knew what I was doing when I came here last night.
I knew the kind of pain I would subject myself to when I asked for only one night with him.
I knew going into this that walking away from this one, perfect night and never looking back was going to be one of the greatest pains of my life…
… but the utopia we created together last night was more than worth it.
“Hey.” Ethan’s deep voice garnered my attention back on him, his thumb guiding my head up. “Why the frown?”
I shrugged, tilting my head back down. “Just thinking.”
Along my jaw, Ethan’s thumb traveled the edge until the breach of his fingers broke through my wet hair. His entire hand enveloped the back of my head as his thumb once again lifted my chin up, thoughtful eyes waiting for mine.
“About what?”
You. Us. How much I’m dreading walking out that front door.
“Mostly the competition,” I lied.
A flurry of butterflies burst to life in my stomach as a sheen of skepticism crossed his eyes. Though, if he knew I was lying, he didn’t push it.
“How about you stay just a bit longer and I’ll make you some breakfast? I’ve got it on good authority that you love a killer veggie and cheese omelette.”
A smile rose between my cheeks despite the break in my heart that occurred at the very same time. Ethan sent me a handsome wink, and I fought the urge to crumple into his arms and never, ever try to leave again.
“You know I can’t stay. Even as much as I might want that omelette.”
Disappointment cast a shadow across his expression. “So then come back tonight. I’ll make you breakfast in bed.”
“Ethan…” I sighed in his arms, hating every minute of what was about to happen next. “Please don’t make this any harder than it already is for us.”
What read as genuine confusion slid into his gaze.
“What do you mean?”
Breaking out of his embrace, I walked from the bathroom into his attached bedroom to find my clothes. “You know I can’t come back tonight, Ethan.”
I heard his upset voice follow me into the bedroom. “I really don’t, so please refresh my memory.”
Yanking on my shorts, I searched across the floor for my bra. Seeing the black lace lying in a heap next to the foot of his bed, I grabbed it and put it on.
“It was a one-time thing. You knew that last night.”
Standing back up, I caught the disbelief register on Ethan’s face right before the crushing devastation set in.
In a voice that collapsed my heart, he said, “I didn’t think you meant one night so literally.”
God, I hated this. I hated this so much that I wanted to scream at him to let me go. Throw me out. Yell at me. Make it easy for me to leave. Instead, true to Ethan fashion, he was fighting tooth and nail for something he knew was a losing battle.
“What did you think?” I asked.
In a snap, his eyes fixed to mine. Anger had stretched out into every corner of his stare, cleverly masking over the hurt just beneath.
“I wasn’t thinking. I was just happy, Alice. For once , I was out of my mind, deliriously happy, and I wasn’t thinking about when it was going to be over.”
My next breath buckled in my lungs because I knew he wasn’t lying to me. He truly believed I came here last night with the intention of never leaving his heart again. Unable to hold his gaze, I dropped my eyes to the towel around his bare waist instead.
“I’m sorry that you didn’t think I meant it but… You know this has to be it.”
“ Why? ”
I didn’t have the strength to look back up at him as he asked me why. He knew why. It’s just that neither of us were brave enough to say her name in the room where we’d desecrated it.
“Alice, we are good together. Better than good, and I know you know it.”
“But it’s still wrong and you know that, too.”
Still without sparing him eye contact, I scoured the room for my shirt as the need to get out of there escalated by the second. I could feel the souring of this conversation happening, and I refused to let it. I absolutely refused to let our last moments together be anything less than perfect.
Just as I had pulled the fabric of my shirt over my head, Ethan’s painfully handsome face appeared right in front of me, as desperate and determined as ever.
“I know you’re scared of how your sister will react, but we don’t have to tell anyone. No one has to know. I don’t care if we have to hide our relationship for the next year or five years. I just want you.”
He stroked the backs of his knuckles so lovingly down the side of my face it brought back the tears that had threatened to fall last night and in the shower. “You’re all I want, Slim. You’re my whole heart.”
“Ethan,” I nearly cried. “We can’t keep doing this. Please .”
“You’re right. We can’t. So let’s just stop fighting it.” His thumb brushed beneath my eye, like he knew my tears were closing in. “Alice, we lose the fight each time for a reason.”
He was right. We did lose the battle against our love for a reason each time, and that reason was that we were weak.
Our love had made us both weak in so many ways.
It weakened our principles, our sense, our character as a whole.
Our love was so incredible that it devastated everything around it until it was all that remained in our sight.
Our love blinded us to what was good and right and safe. If our love went past today, it would surely take down my entire world and everything in it.
“I can’t do that to Monica.” I shook myself from Ethan’s hold. “I can’t keep going behind her back and lying to her, so please don’t ask me to.”
The self-loathing I already had to deal with for what I’d done with a taken man was too much to overcome. If I added years of it to my cart of baggage, there would be nothing of me left after the weight of it crushed me to dust.
“So, what? That was it?” Oh no. His anger was back and it was back with vengeance. “You come over for a one-night stand and then that’s it?”
Offense whipped my head around to lock eyes on Ethan’s.
“That is not what last night was.”
“Well, that’s what it’s starting to feel like, Alice. You slept with me with no intention of ever seeing me again after today, right? I’m pretty sure that’s the exact fucking definition of a one-night stand.”
“I came over last night because I love you and for you to suggest it’s any other reason is extremely hurtful.”
Agony exploded inside Ethan’s gaze. “So if you love me, stay with me!”
“I can’t, Ethan! I can’t keep sneaking around with you behind Monica’s back forever.”
“So then tell her!”
Shoving my feet into the boots I’d come here in, the thought of Monica ever finding out what I’d done with her fiancé behind her back sent a truly excruciating shiver down my spine.
“If I tell her, I lose her.”
In the air, there hung a deafening silence.
“And if you don’t, you lose me.”
Standing to my full height, I held Ethan’s indignant stare and tried to breathe past the cut Ethan just laid across my heart.
“Don’t ever ask me to choose between you and my sister.” I yanked the door to his bedroom open, turning over my shoulder. “You won’t like the outcome.”
And then I left him there alone, running out of that house and letting the tears I’d been holding in since last night finally fall.