Chapter 45 The Results
“ T he results are out already? That was fast.”
Gabe nodded as we fast-walked through the backstage halls hoping to make it to the side of the stage in time to hear our age bracket being announced. Our fast-walking paid off as we made it to the wings of the stage as they were finishing up announcing the winners of the Teen category.
All around us were teenage dancers cheering or crying or both. Emotions overwhelmed them all and knotted the nerves in my stomach even tighter. In a couple minutes, that would be me, one way or another.
Today, Gabe and I could walk away with a few different titles or none at all.
There were the Gold, Gold Elite, and Platinum scoring medals—Platinum being a perfect or near perfect score.
Then, they gave out Best Overall performance per section: Soloist, Duos/Trios, and groups.
After that, they gave out the award I was here for.
Best in Show.
Each age bracket had their own Best in Shows. It was the award given out to whichever performance floored the judges the most in every way. We were scored on our technique, our choreography, our look, our music choice, and highest of all: the overall impact of the piece.
Every dancer who won that award in the past went on to be somebody in the dance world.
I came here today to prove to everyone back home that I could be somebody without them.
When I left New York, I was a hollowed out version of who I was when I started dancing.
Slowly, over five years, Jonah chipped away at every quality about me that made me unique until he was the only thing that shined in my world.
Today, I took my shine back.
“Okay, the Adult category is next.” Gabe drew my attention back to him. “Hold my hand.”
A laugh tumbled from my lips, but I did as he asked.
Hand in hand with Gabe, we waited for the applause from the crowd to die and the tense silence of our fates to set in.
My heart was thumping so hard and so loud that its sound consumed me.
Its power muffled the world around me to the point all I had to rely on was what I was seeing and feeling.
I was seeing the announcer smiling and clapping behind the podium, taking a pause to fluff the papers on the stand together in prep for the next batch of winners.
She looked so at ease and thrilled to be where she was, aligning deserving dancers’ dreams, and I prayed right then and there like I’d never prayed before that she’d hold that same excitement for me soon.
Around my hand, Gabe’s squeezed as the nerves got the better of him too.
I knew he could use the money that came from this win.
It was only $1000, but any bit would help him out and I wanted so badly to win this for him too.
There was so much pressure to win mounting atop both our shoulders that the sooner the crowd settled and we could move on with the next winners, the better for us both.
Thankfully, it wasn’t much longer before the announcer grabbed the microphone to speak.
“And with that, we go into our final awards of the night.” She brushed a strand of chestnut hair back behind her ear, reading off of the papers in front of her.
“The Adults division is always the hardest to judge, and this year was no different I’m told.
There’s so much talent in this room, it’s inspiring. ”
Okay, get on with it please.
“So, without dragging it out—” Thank you . “Here we go.”
The announcer took a deep breath, and I took one with her. From across the stage, she gave a once over of the names on the paper, and I wondered if one was mine. Then, she announced the first award of the night.
Which were six performances that all scored high enough to receive the Gold award.
Gabe and I were not called.
Next, she announced Gold Elite winners.
Four names were called. None of them ours.
Up next were the Platinum winners, and I literally cut off the oxygen to my lungs I was so afraid I’d miss her saying our names over the sound of my own breathing. Three names were called and with the last one, my heart sunk as low as it’s ever been to the pit of my stomach, deflating with defeat.
Our names were not called.
Ice cold disappointment trickled through my body into the cracks and space between my bones until I literally could not move.
How? How could we not make it even to Gold?
I wasn’t under the impression that we deserved to place in Platinum, but I at least thought the performance deserved a Gold scoring.
The roaring cheers from the crowd certainly tricked me into believing so.
Their cheers gave me a surge of confidence like I hadn’t felt in years and it felt good .
It felt so good to not hate myself for just that small measure of time.
Humiliation like I’d never felt seared a pathway up my spine and right to my eyes, blinding me with tears in seconds flat.
We didn’t even place.
Gabe’s grip around my hand turned sweaty, and I pulled my hand into myself, wiping it across the back of my tights.
“Can we go?” I mumbled, already stepping away from the stage that had betrayed me.
“Not yet.”
Gabe’s hand shot back and stopped me from going anywhere. In a snap, my humiliation turned over with anger that I knew was misplaced, but there was no stopping it as it raced hot up my throat.
“ Why? Why would you want to stay? It’s done. It’s over. We lost. We suck .”
“Uh-uh. No. We’re not doing that.”
Gabe shut my pity party down real fast, not even giving me a chance to fight back as he looped his arm through mine and forced me to stand next to him as they announced the next winners.
“Now, the next awards will be our Overall Best Performance in each category. These winners have also placed at Platinum level scoring, so when we call your name, you’ll come up here and receive both awards.”
Gabe’s hand around my arm squeezed. The tears in my eyes dried up.
“What did she just say?” I asked.
“I think… I think that means that the winners who just got Platinum awards just got Platinum awards.” My stare reached up to Gabe’s as he looked down at me with elation edging in around his eyes.
“Everyone who is about to get Overall awards also scored Platinum and qualify for that award too, so they’re giving them both awards at once when they go up. ”
My eyes shot out to the stage I’d cursed in my head moments ago and quickly apologized to every dance God there was out there and begged for their forgiveness.
“That’s the most fucked up way to announce awards ever !” I exclaimed, laughter bubbling over my words.
As the curse word left my lips, I briefly thought of Ethan and how proud he might be of me. He would smile sweetly at me and agree. This definitely felt like a ‘fuck’ kind of moment.
Gabe laughed with me, the weight of our disappointment evaporating into the air to know that we weren’t done. We weren’t over. We had one more shot.
There were five categories that needed announcing in Overall Best Performance, and during mine and Gabe’s squabble, we’d missed the first two. Now, they were onto best overall small group performance which meant that the Duo/Trio category was next.
“Overall Best Performance in a Small Group goes to…” The entire theatre held their breath, dancers and onlookers alike as the announcer read off of her paper. “O’Quinn and Company!”
Screams exploded right next to us, startling my body into Gabe’s as the winning small group tore past us and ran onto the stage, jumping and hugging the other four members of their group.
Their winning energy was infectious, and I found a smile cinching up my lips as I watched them celebrate their victory.
And then, the nerves I’d shaken off with my myriad of conflicting emotions settled back in my stomach.
Our moment was next. It was either this award or no award.
My fingers wound back through Gabe’s as we held each other through the composing silence that drifted into place over the crowd and awaiting dancers. This was it.
I closed my eyes and breathed deep as I could, pulling in fresh air and pushing out the energy contaminated with anxiety and the thought of losing. I couldn’t think about losing right now. I hadn’t allowed myself to think about what I would do if I didn’t win, because winning was my only option.
When I first arrived in Chicago five months ago, I kept telling myself I just needed a win. One win and I could start again, new and confident. This dance, this day, this moment… they were my last chance at a win.
“And the award for Overall Best Performance in a Trio or Duet goes to… drum roll please,” the woman joked, eliciting a nervous chuckle from the audience.
Please. Please. Please. Please, just give me this one thing.
My heart pounded. My breathing stopped. My fingers around Gabe’s tightened.
“Alice Monroe and Gabe Parisi!”
Shock blew my eyes wide open. Next to me, Gabe hollered and jumped up in the air, lifting my arm still intertwined with his. Tightness expanded across my chest, and I realized that I still hadn’t taken a breath.
“Oh my God, we won!” Hands locked around my shoulders, shaking me. “Alice, come on!”
My brain hadn’t caught up with reality yet as Gabe dragged me out onto the stage and in front of the applauding crowd.
Stage lights boiled my skin with an extra layer of heat as I looked out over the crowd, still struggling to catch up to what had just happened.
An unexpected arm locked around my waist and lifted me up, spinning the theater around me in circles until Gabe spun me so fast, he spun my state of paralyzed shock right off.
The thunderous roars from the audience smacked a smile right up my cheeks as I dropped my head back, laughter free-falling out of me.
Joy so immense I hadn’t the faintest idea how to handle it exploded inside of me, feeling like my entire body was made up of firecrackers that had finally found their fuse.