CHAPTER 32 #2
“Hey, look at me,” he softly said as I continued staring out the front window with goosebumps coating my skin. He took my chin in his hand and my eyes grew heavy as I looked at him. “He can’t hurt you again.”
I looked into his eyes as bile rose in my throat. “He already did,” I whispered before turning my head away from him. He already did…
* * *
We soon pulled up to a house and Antonio got out.
He opened the car door for me and we headed to the front door. My tone was flat—emotionless. “This is your house?”
“Yes,” he nodded as we walked inside. “I come here when I want to be alone,” he admitted, tossing the keys onto the table
“But you’re always alone,” I said, looking back at him and he only pinned me with a look. Walking further into the house, I looked around as I wrapped my arms around my stomach. “It’s nice,” I vaguely complimented as I stepped to the living room.
This place was cozy. Nothing like his other house, but it was cute nonetheless. I liked it more.
It had a fireplace in the living room that was surrounded by three sofas. There was a huge flat-screen TV against the right wall, and even the color scheme appealed to me.
“Hey,” Antonio said, turning me around to face him. “Talk to me.”
I simply shook my head, looking down at my hands. “ Please .” His voice was brittle and soft as though he was afraid, which sent a sting through my heart. He tried reaching for my face but I backed away.
“I can’t,” I shook my head. I opened my mouth to speak but shut it immediately.
“I just found out that the man who raped me, and had others do it,” I began, biting my quivering lip.
“Is your brother,” I choked out and he stepped towards me to comfort me but I backed away.
“No just—just don’t touch me right now,” I put my hand out.
“He hurt you before ?” Antonio asked with pain in his voice and I looked away, nodding my head. “It was him, wasn’t it?” he asked and I glanced at him in confusion. “That day in my office—you wanted to find him.” I nodded again, looking down. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because what could I have possibly done to a powerful man like him? No one would believe me anyway—”
“I would have,” he interrupted me. “I would have fucking believed you, Nirah. Me .”
He looked more hurt than angry but the anger was still there, though it was evident that it wasn’t directed toward me.
“I just…” I trailed off. “I thought that I’d never see him again, so telling you, would’ve been pointless.
And, if you knew that he was your brother, there was no way I’d be sure that you would hurt him, or even believe me. ”
He scoffed in disbelief, shaking his head. “After everything we’ve been through, you still didn’t know whether I’d hurt my brother for you?” he asked, stepping closer to me. “God, Nirah —all I ever did was protect you, no matter who it was from and you’re still doubting me,” he sighed in defeat.
“It’s not—” I cut myself off. I wanted to speak but couldn’t. I’m hurting him…
He’s going to leave me like everyone else. I’m difficult. Complicated. He’s going to see that I’m not worth any of this.
“What more do you want from me?” he asked and I could hear the pain in his voice. “All I want is for you to be happy and safe, but I can’t do either of those things if you don’t trust me enough to talk to me.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, looking at him sympathetically. “But the things you say an—and do they just remind me of him so much.”
“I am not him, Nirah,” he stepped toward me but I stepped back. I watched hurt wash across his face.
“But you’re just like him—”
“Don’t compare me to him,” he cut me off and I lowered my head. “I don’t rape or abuse women,” he said and I could hear the hurt in his voice.
My head snapped up to meet his eyes and instant regret washed over me. “No—I didn’t mean—”
“Then what do you mean?” he asked and I swallowed hard.
“You’re brothers, Antonio,” I shook my head. “How different can you really be?”
I heard the sky rumble and it was as though even the universe didn’t appreciate what I had just said.
“Are you like your brother?” he asked and I was taken aback.
“Let me rephrase that,” he stopped in front of me, and I met his dark gaze.
“Are you like your twin brother?” My stomach dropped.
“Nereus is in this mess because he’s a traitor, right?
He’s hunted by many because he’s a thief.
So, how different can you and your brother really be?
” he asked and I shook my head at him. “How do I know that you won’t betray and steal from me? ”
Tears brimmed in my eyes. “Because I wouldn’t—”
“So, I’m supposed to believe you when you don’t believe me?” he asked and I looked away from him. “Baby, you can’t hold me responsible for my brother’s actions like I can’t hold you responsible for yours.”
“I know,” I sharply said, not looking at him.
You’re hurting him again. “Look, I’m sorry, okay?
I’m sorry that your similarities with your brother scare me,” I choked out.
“I guess I’ll just fucking turn it off like a switch and we can go back to being a happy fucking couple—” my voice cracked.
“I’m sorry ,” I apologized, turning away from him as tears ran down my cheeks.
“So fucking sorry.” God, I’m a mess. He pulled me into his arms and I sobbed against his chest. “No—don’t—”
“Just breathe.” He held me tightly and my body felt numb as I stood, letting it all out. “Shh,” he caressed my head. He’s too good for me. All I do is hurt and insult him continuously.
My voice was a tremulous whisper as I clutched onto him. “Don’t leave me.”
His arms around me tightened, and he lowered his chin to the top of my head. “I’m not going anywhere,” he assured me with a kiss to the top of my head.
I lifted my head, blinking rapidly to see him clearly through all of my tears. “I love you , Nirah Joy. And I’m going to stay by your side for the rest of our lives,” he kissed my forehead.
He held me so tight that I forgot about all the people who’ve tried to hurt me. I felt so safe in his arms. “It’s me and you, baby,” he kissed the top of my head. “But you’re going to have to start trusting me.”
“I do,” I choked out. “I do trust you—I just don’t feel that I’m worth all of the trouble you go through,” I admitted. It’s the truth. I didn’t feel worth it. Worth any of it. Happiness. Satisfaction. Excitement. Him . None of it. Alexander made sure of that, over and over.
One can only hear the words ‘ worthless ’, ‘ pathetic ’, ‘ waste of space ’ and ‘ stupid ’ so many times before you start to believe it.
I’d like to think that I’m strong. After everything I’ve been through, here I still am, but in reality, I’m just a weak little girl who’s afraid.
She ignored her problems and slapped a smile on her face, pretending to have it all together. She didn’t.