Chapter 22 #2
I wrapped my lips around him and licked across the crown. His salty flavor was now familiar. His taste was imprinted on me, and there was a sadness that paired with that thought I couldn’t dwell on right now. I knew what this was, and I was okay with it.
I was.
“I wish you could see what I see.” His legs tensed under me, and he propped himself up on his elbows. “Mouth stretched wide and that ass in the air.”
My pussy clenched. I moaned against him.
“Fuck, Sheridan. Do it again.”
I hummed this time, and a groan slipped from him.
“Just like that.” His breathing grew louder. “I’ll be quiet, but, boss, you’re going to have to bury your face in a pillow when I have my turn with you.”
Nerves tickled the inside of my belly. I was in charge, yet I would still turn myself over to him in a heartbeat. But I wasn’t done.
I let him go with a pop. “I want to ride you.”
“I’m all yours.”
The way he pinned me with his stare gave me pause. There was a weight to his words that wasn’t usually there. He was all mine—for now.
I rose to my knees and snatched up the condom. I rolled it on him. “Don’t move.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I shoved my pajama bottoms down and kicked them off. Then I climbed back onto him, trapping his erection between our bodies. I was supposed to be taking my time, but there was an urgency inside me that I couldn’t shake. He’d all but asked me to move in. It was temporary.
He was saving me again. A strong, capable man. A man who was under me, letting me do whatever I wanted. A little sense of power for a time when I had no idea what the next month would bring. I pushed his shirt higher.
“Do you want it off?” His body was insane. Would a guy who lacked a lot of ambition in life have a body like his? Jasper didn’t quit. All day long.
He could be planning to build a competing resort. Didn’t mean he was for me.
“Leave the shirt.” I didn’t need to feel more inadequate than I did. Between the two of us, I had the better job, for now, and he had a better place to live.
Enough of this. I rocked against him. He was placed perfectly for not being inside me, rubbing against my clit.
His jeans dug into my thighs. The bite of pain made this thing between us more grounded.
With the way my head rose right to the clouds when I was with him, the constant reminder of my reality was good.
Like the idea that I could keep doing this and not get attached. A real fantasy. Or the assumption that I could stay at his place and not convince myself that it was one step closer to a real relationship. A real proposal.
Hope threatened to grow, so I shifted and placed him at my entrance. He gripped my thighs, his body rigid. He could take over so easily. Cover my concerns with pleasure and that would be all.
Could I do that for both of us? For myself at the very least?
I sank down on him. The fullness, the way he hit all the right spots, was exactly why I shouldn’t keep doing this. Yet the way I felt, like what had been missing a lot of my adult life was put into place, kept me doing it. Jasper fit me in so many ways, it scared me.
Nothing more than sex. I could be everything I needed.
He groaned. “You feel so fucking good.”
“Yes.” I rode him, my thighs gripping his sides, a delicious burn setting in. I could be self-sufficient, but these types of orgasms were something only Jasper could do.
“Take everything you need.”
I increased the pace. Pressure built inside me, filling all those empty spaces I’d carried for so long.
Could I stay right here? Full and complete and not yet spent?
I hadn’t exploded yet, but it was right there.
The certainty that I would finish with Jasper was also there.
I rose, floating. All I had to do was be in this moment where everything was right and going to plan.
“Jasper,” I gasped.
“I’ve got you.” He slipped his hand between us.
For the first time, he misread me. I could ride him for an hour, hovering at the precipice.
Not making a decision. For once, taking my time and thinking something through.
But as soon as the pad of his finger hit my clit, I flew away, arching my back and dropping my head.
I closed my eyes instead of looking at the old popcorn ceiling.
I gave myself to Jasper, and he flung me right into the stratosphere.
My mouth dropped open, but I caught most of the sound at the last minute. I couldn’t have guests complaining about yelling when it was me coming. I gasped and panted through my orgasm, barely registering the way he was coming with me.
When I hit the wall and everything was too sensitive, I collapsed onto him. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. He was still inside me. I clenched and twitched around him, but I didn’t want to move.
Why was I confused? And what was this fear hounding me? I knew where I stood with him. We’d done exactly what we agreed to do. I was in control.
Until he swooped in and took over. And I let him.
“You okay?” He feathered a hand over my hair.
I slid off him and rolled to the side, hating the emptiness that filled me without him. “After that? I’m great.”
He chuckled, and I smiled, but it was more to cover my recent realization.
I had to quit pretending that Jasper was anything like my exes.
I had to stop telling myself that he was aimless and coasted through life.
Jasper worked hard, and he needed a longer transition, but he was there for me and his whole family.
No, this was about me. I could so easily hand everything over to him and then I’d become my mom. I’d have proven nothing to myself or anyone else.
I pushed up, placing a hand on his chest. “That was great, and doing this would be easier at your place, but I’m going to stay in the office.”
What a time to have this conversation. I was almost naked and his half-hard dick was hanging out.
His brows drew together. “Okay. I just thought—”
I kissed him, draping my upper body over him. “I know. You’re sweet, and you’ve been taking care of me. But I’ve gotta do this. I’ve got to figure it out, and that includes sleeping in my office and finding a cheap rental.”
“I messed up.” The furrow across his forehead deepened. “When I missed my chance to marry you, I fucked it all up.”
No! He was not letting his guilt tear him up.
“You didn’t. You made that decision based on what’s best for me.
” And for himself. I’d never blame him for that.
“You can’t take responsibility for my mess.
” I wouldn’t stoop to getting married out of pity.
I wanted Jasper to love me, not feel obligated or responsible for me.
“No, Sheridan. I used it as an excuse and fucked myself out of the best thing that’s come into my life. The deadline for the cabin is approaching, and all that I can think about is how I could be living in that cabin with you for the next year.”
“Jasper,” I breathed. Emotions welled inside me, chasing away the afterglow I should be basking in. I wanted to cling to every word he said, but he was like this. He felt guilty. That was all. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do.”
“No.” I trailed my fingers down his cheek. His earnestness was a postcoital glow. Where he’d always been the calm voice of reason and wisdom, it was my turn now. “How long has it been since your grandma passed away?”
His jaw clenched before he said, “Almost six years.”
“Out of those six years, have you had anyone in your life who made you think, wow, I should propose?”
Granite lined his face.
Exactly. He hadn’t mentioned having a serious girlfriend since before he took the job with Eliot Knight.
I traced his lips. “You want to do right by people, and you feel bad about the situation I’m in.
But there’s no reason to sacrifice your own happiness for it.
Neither of us is in a place to make a commitment like marriage, and if I need to tie the knot to run this business, well, that’s not promising for my future at Bishop’s Landing. ”
Indecision played over his face, but he didn’t say anything.
Good. Yet melancholy set in. How did I get past it? By making a plan. “I could use your insight on where I can find a decent apartment.”