Chapter 13 #2
“So much cheek coming from such a little person,” I said.
“No one says cheek,” Remy told me for the five-millionth time.
“I do. You’re a cheeky rascal. And I told you we’d talk about you riding four-wheelers when you’re five.”
Remington’s chin lifted and his head tipped back as he fell in step next to Rhode.
“You’re tall.”
“Yep.”
I held my breath and waited for more but Remy went silent.
Guilt gnawed at my insides. I had to tell my son who Rhode was, sooner rather than later.
Needing to get back into the house to clean up the mess, I quickly grabbed Remy’s booster from my car and gave it to Rhode. For once Remy didn’t complain and throw a fit about being buckled in. I waited for Rhode to pull away before I rushed back into the house.
I didn’t clean up the mess. I called Letty.
It rang once and she picked up.
“Why are you calling me?”
“Nice,” I snapped.
“Don’t get your panties in a bunch, sister, it’s a legitimate question. Hot guy baby daddy is over for a get-to-know-you dinner, and I hope for your sake some good ol’ fashioned necking and groping.”
“Don’t call Rhode baby daddy.”
“Sigh.”
Yes, Letty muttered the word sigh and I rolled my eyes to the ceiling and took a breath.
“I need help.”
“Okay, so first you tear open the foil. Then you pull out the slimy rubber. After that, you pinch the tip as you roll it down his erect shaft.”
“Letty!”
“Oh, sorry, I forgot it’s been like twenty years since you’ve gotten the good stuff. I’ll back up to—”
“I know how to use a condom.”
“Hello…Remington. The walking, talking proof you don’t actually know how to use a condom.”
“It broke.”
“Actually, now that I’ve seen him I think his swimmers are so powerful they penetrated the latex and swam upstream.”
Usually, Letty being her normal funny self would make me laugh. But right then I wasn’t finding anything funny. I had a crisis and I needed my best friend’s input.
“I’m being serious.”
“Just tell him you’ve been in love with him and I bet you all the books in Smutties he takes care of the rest.”
She’d win that bet.
“I basically already told him that. And you’re right, he’s not shying away from telling me what he wants. If anything, I have a feeling he’s holding back to give me time to adjust.”
“You what?” Letty screeched. “We’re breaking up.
I cannot believe you didn’t tell me you told him you fell madly in love with him while your best friend was upstairs in the hotel room sleeping.
And for the record, I’m still pissed you let me sleep through you meeting your baby…
I mean, you let me sleep through finding your One. ”
“I told you to come to the bar. I practically begged you. I also asked you to bring me my phone so I could covertly take pictures of him. To which you told me that was stalkerish and for me to let you sleep. So you don’t get to break up with me—I’m breaking up with you for not bringing me my phone.
That way we would’ve had a picture of him and we could’ve internet-stalked him and Remington would’ve had a daddy all these years.
Which brings me to the point of this conversation: how do I tell Remy? ”
Letty sucked in a breath and groused, “Take that back and I’ll tell you.”
“I’m not taking it back and stop acting like a five-year-old.”
She mumbled something under her breath I couldn’t make out then she finally got serious.
“Just tell him.”
I closed my eyes and dropped my chin to my chest.
“It’s not that easy,” I told her.
“Sure it is.”
“Okay, and what about all the questions after?”
“Brook, you’re freaking out for no reason.
You and Rhode tell Remington, then the two of you answer his questions together.
The biggest one you’re gonna face is where Rhode’s been all these years.
You’re going to have to come up with a version of the truth that works for you and Rhode.
My guess is Rhode will take the blame, wanting to protect you.
You want to protect Rhode so he’s got a clear shot with Remy.
You two are gonna have to meet in the middle. ”
Meet in the middle.
That sounded smart. But I wasn’t sure how to do that when I never, ever wanted my son to know his existence came about because of a one-night stand.
“And you might have to lie,” Letty finished.
I never thought I’d agree with lying but right then lying sounded like the perfect thing to do. We could tell Remy we’d been madly in love when Rhode had been deployed to a faraway place. Then he was captured and held as a POW. He finally escaped and made his way home to us.
“Brook, I know you’re in your head making up some crazy plot about Rhode being a prisoner of war in Siberia.
But you need to reel it in. I’m talking about a small lie.
Something like you lost touch with Rhode and didn’t know how to find him to tell him you were pregnant.
And Rhode can say he didn’t know or he would’ve come to Idaho immediately, swept you off your feet, and married you. ”
“That’s basically the truth,” I reminded her. “Except the part about Rhode coming to Idaho to marry me.”
“I said lie, but maybe I should’ve said stretch the truth a little, not come up with an entire season of a soap opera to explain his absence. You don’t need to tell Remy you didn’t know Rhode at the time of his conception. You can make it seem like you two were in a relationship and lost touch.”
And…there was the problem with lying. It was never just one. Once the truth was stretched an inch, it might as well have been extended a mile.
At four, Remy wouldn’t know what questions to ask, but at fifteen he would.
I was so fucked.
“I’m screwed.”
“Obviously that’s not true because you’re on the phone with me. By the way, where is the sexy and handsome Dulles? And have I told you today how insanely hot he is?”
I told her about the pipe leaking and how it at the worst—or best, depending on how I looked at the situation—possible time, it finally burst. I also told her that Rhode had taken Remy to the store to get what he needed to fix the sink.
“You let him take Remy to the store alone?”
“He’s Remy’s father. I have to let the two of them spend time together without me. A trip to Lowes or wherever Rhode’s going is the perfect opportunity.”
“I agree.”
“Then why do you sound so surprised?”
“Because you don’t let Remy go with anyone you don’t know. And by know I mean you grill them about speeding tickets before you let your kid in the car with them.”
“Rhode would sooner die than do something to hurt Remington.”
“Yeah, he would,” Letty whispered. “And the fact that you know that says a lot, Brook. The two of you will do what’s best for Remy. I’m sure of it.” After she was done reassuring me she asked, “Would you hate me forever if I stole him from you?”
She wasn’t talking about Remington. Letty adored her nephew but was all too happy to return him after she spent the day with him. That wasn’t to say she wouldn’t fight and die for my boy and if I kicked the bucket, I knew she’d take Remy and raise him as her own.
“I’d stab you.”
“Violence coming from Brooklyn Saunders, now I know it’s true love.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to tell Letty about Rhode’s tattoo.
In all the years I’d known her I hadn’t kept even one secret from her.
She knew everything about me. But I wanted this for myself, just for a little while.
At least until I could process the magnitude of what those flowers meant.
And long enough for him to see the additions I’d made to my body.
“He loves you,” Letty said softly.
“Rhode?”
“No. Well, he might but I was talking about Remington. That boy loves you. No matter what you tell him he won’t stop loving you. And when he gets older and you can explain more he’ll love you then, too. He’s four, Brook; just tell him.”
“Rhode wants us to go to his cabin in Sandpoint and spend the night. He also wants to take Remy out on his boat.”
“That’s good, honey. Remy will love it.”
Yeah, Remington would absolutely love spending time out on the water.
“I’ll talk to Rhode and see what he thinks. But if he’s okay with it, we’ll tell Remy then.”
My plan was met with utter silence and when it stretched, nerves kicked in.
“Is that not a good idea?”
“So happy for you.”
“Let—”
“Shh, Brook. Give me this and don’t interject any of your rational thoughts.”
The only person who’d ever accused me of being rational was Letty. Everyone else thought I lived with my head in the clouds. And Letty only thought I was rational because she was worse than me when it came to romanticizing life. Everything was a fairy tale to her.
“I was going to say thank you and tell you I was happy,” I fibbed.
“No, you weren’t. You were going to tell me not to get my hopes up about Dulles and you. Which is stupid because you’re over-the-moon happy so you should let me be happy for you.”
She was right, I was happy.
“If we’re both happy then who’s gonna be the sane one?”
“Um…hello…when have either of us ever worried about that?”
The answer to that was never.
“My heart’s on the line,” I reminded her.
“Your heart is where it’s supposed to be.”
I sucked in a breath.
Letty was right.
My heart was exactly where it was supposed to be—or more to the point, it was with the man who owned it.
“I’m hanging up now so I can finish closing for the night.”
“You’re the best.”
“Remember that when you’re eulogizing me.”
God, Letty.
“You have a twisted sense of humor.”
“Yet you still love me.”
And with that, she hung up on me.
An hour later I had the water cleaned up and all the towels in the wash when Remy and Rhode got back.
My heart swelled as I watched father and son saunter through the door—something I never thought I’d see but prayed I would.
“Mommy! Guess what?” Remy shouted with more excitement than his normal level.
“What?”
“Rhode bought me a football. After dinner, we’re gonna throw it in the backyard.”
I glanced back and forth between Rhode and Remington. Identical smiles shone back and my heart melted.
“That’s awesome. Then I better hurry up and get dinner started.”
“What’s for dinner?”
“Mac and cheese and hot dogs,” I told Remy.
“That’s my favorite,” Remy whooped and turned to Rhode. “Do you like mac and cheese?”
“It’s my favorite, too, bud.”
Rhode lifted his gaze and for a moment he looked wounded and my heart sank.
In the days and weeks to come there would be a lot of reminders of what he lost with Remington.
It would take time for Rhode to learn Remy’s likes and dislikes and I wasn’t sure my heart could take the sadness in Rhode’s eyes during his path of discovery.
It was on the tip of my tongue to apologize again. But before I could, Rhode shocked the shit out of me.
“You remembered?”
His tone clearly conveyed disbelief.
Then it hit me—he remembered. I took a moment to let the memory wash over me—warm and sweet—lying next to Rhode with my head resting on his chest, his hand sweeping over my bare back.
At no time when I was with him had I felt self-conscious.
He made me feel beautiful in word and deed.
And there in his hotel bed, with only the dim light of the table lamp, he told me he loved homemade mac and cheese.
I told him I loved tuna casserole. He told me when he was a kid, to impress his friends he’d eaten a worm—seriously disgusting—and for a nanosecond, I’d contemplated not kissing him again.
Then I remembered how good he kissed and forgot all about the worm.
I told him about the time I fell off my bike and the front wheel twisted, causing the handlebar to hit me in the solar plexus, knocking the wind out of me, and how after that, I was afraid to ride a bicycle and hadn’t been on one since.
Our six hours was about more than sex, more than whispered secrets.
I’d connected with Rhode in a way I’d never connected with anyone. Not even Letty.
“I remember everything you told me,” I confirmed.
“What do you remember, Mommy?”
“That Rhode liked mac and cheese.”
“She makes it all the time. It’s her specialty,” Remy told Rhode proudly.
It was my specialty—I’d spent years perfecting the recipe.