Chapter 26 #3
“Is that what you think…that I pushed you?” Adam asked, cut to the quick and knowing he deserved all his present misery.
“Yes, and I don’t doubt that you’d do it again, knowing how much you hate me—”
“I don’t hate you, Susanna,” he said, emotion swelling in his chest. “I love you.”
Stunned, Susanna felt the pitchfork slip in her hands, and she almost dropped it before quickly recovering herself, although she couldn’t stop hot, bitter tears from springing to her eyes.
“You lie!” she accused him hoarsely, amazed that he would carry his cruelties so far. It was beyond belief.
“I’m not lying, Susanna. I’ve known I was in love with you since the night of your welcome ball—”
“Not me!” she blurted, tears now tumbling unchecked down her cheeks as she pointed her pronged weapon at him. “Camille Cary!”
“No, it was you, the warm, enthralling woman beneath the charade. I fell in love with you, Susanna Jane Guthrie. You!”
Shaking her head, Susanna was trembling so badly she feared her knees might buckle beneath her. She wanted so desperately to believe him, to trust the raw emotion blazing in his eyes, but she couldn’t bear to suffer more miserable heartache.
“Why can’t you just let me go?” she demanded in a plaintive whisper. “I’ll never trouble you again, and you’ll have everything you ever wanted, even the chance to win your revenge against Dominick.”
“I don’t want anything but you, Susanna,” he insisted. “Aren’t you listening to me? I said I love you! That’s why I can’t allow you to leave. I need you!”
“But the balcony—”
“A terrible accident! When you kicked me, I lost my balance and fell into you. Oh, God, when I thought that you might be dead…” Adam couldn’t seem to finish. He stepped even closer to her and for the first time, she noticed how badly he was limping. “You said you loved me, Susanna—”
“I lied,” she said, his gaze holding her captive even while her mind was screaming to run back out into the night while she still had the chance.
“That was no lie…and neither was what you told me about Keefer Dunn. I’ve been the bloody fool all along, Susanna, not you!
I couldn’t give up my suspicions because you betrayed me once, and it made me accuse you of plotting against me.
I was going to tell you that I loved you earlier today, then I received that letter and ruthlessly accused you again…
” His piercing brown eyes full of torment, he finally added in an impassioned voice, “Can you find it within your heart to forgive me?”
Susanna lowered the pitchfork to the ground as if she had forgotten she held it. She had never felt so torn.
She wanted to fling herself into his arms and admit again the love that was threatening to overwhelm her.
Yet she also knew with certainty that she would never be everything to him as he claimed, not when he still sought revenge against Dominick.
With such hatred in his heart, he would never fully trust her.
There would always be the chance that his suspicions might once more raise their ugly heads, and she couldn’t bear to see him turn against her so furiously again.
“I—I can’t, Adam,” she began. But the words were no sooner spoken than he lunged toward her and, knocking the pitchfork from her hand, swept her into his arms.
“No! I don’t believe you!” he cried, his gaze burning into hers as he crushed her against him.
“What would you say if you knew that tomorrow I planned to admit everything to the magistrate in Williamsburg, just as you pleaded for me to do this afternoon? That tomorrow you and I would start fresh with nothing but our love between us. When you’re well enough to travel, we’ll begin anew by retaking our vows as husband and wife, not as Adam Thornton and Camille Cary but with the beauteous Susanna Jane Guthrie as my bride.
Would that change your mind about me, my dearest love? ”
Dumbstruck, Susanna could manage only a whisper. “You…you would do that for me?”
“I would do anything for you, Susanna, except allow you to leave me. For then, I would surely die.” He tenderly caressed away her fresh tears, cradling her face in his hands. “Tell me, love. Do you forgive me now?”
She nodded, her throat so constricted she could not speak. She had never known that such infinite happiness was possible on this earth, and she felt drunkenly giddy with it, her limbs suddenly so weak she was grateful for his powerful embrace.
“That’s not good enough,” he murmured, bending his head to poignantly kiss her damp cheeks, her eyelids, the tip of her nose.
Then he tilted up her chin and lowered his mouth until his parted lips were barely brushing her own, his breath warm upon her.
“I must hear you say it, Susanna,” he demanded huskily. “Tell me…please.”
Somehow she found her voice, answering him with all the passion her soul possessed. “Yes. I forgive you, Adam.”
“That,” he whispered hoarsely, tears shining in his eyes, “is good enough. Kiss me, love, then we’re going back to the house. Like Zachary said, you should be abed.”
Smiling through her own tears, she did.