Chapter 14
Julia didn’t sleep. Not really. She’d drifted for an hour at most, waking with her legs tangled in sheets, the smell of him still on her skin, even after a second shower.
Every time she closed her eyes, what happened at her door replayed.
His hands, his mouth, getting lost in the moment, in him, and forgetting everything that had passed between them.
Now, as she looked at her reflection in the morning light, she called it what it was—stupid. One heated look from him, and she lost every shred of common sense. Which was exactly why she had to stay away from him and Devil’s Pointe.
Leaning closer to the mirror, she dabbed eye repair cream lightly beneath her eyes, wincing at the tenderness. The mirror didn’t lie. Red. Puffy. Beyond fixing in the few hours she had before work.
She reached for the eye drops on the counter, blinking rapidly as the cool liquid hit. Then she bent close again and reassessed. Marginally better, still not good.
A knock sounded at the door.
Her head snapped up, and, for one irrational second, her heart leaped. He’d come to say he was wrong. That he wanted her. That he couldn’t walk away—
A short, humorless sound escaped her. Delusional. That was what she was. From a mix of not enough sleep and too much wishful thinking.
The knock came again. Louder and more insistent.
She took one last look in the mirror. Not great. Not terrible. But never going to fool anyone.
When she opened the door, Emily stood front and center, coffee carrier in one hand, pastry box in the other. Gaby and Cari flanked her. Their smiles faded the moment they saw her.
Cari moved first, pulling her into a hug. “You poor thing.”
The words weren’t pitying, but warm and comforting. The hug the kind she hadn’t realized she needed until it was there.
Julia soaked it in for a moment before stepping back. “I’m fine,” she said automatically.
“You look like hell,” Emily said, hugging her next.
“That good, huh?”
Gaby gave her a once-over. “You look like it seemed like a good idea at the time.”
That hit too close to home, and she sniffled.
“Ignore them,” Cari said, raising her voice over the noise in the hall. “And let us in. I can’t hear myself think with that racket. What are they doing? Renovating?”
“About time. The cobwebs are the same as when I lived here,” Emily muttered, pushing past them and into Julia’s kitchen. Gaby followed. Cari released her after another squeeze and joined them.
Julia peeked out before closing the door. Two maintenance men worked near the stairwell, tools spread out, voices low as they replaced light fixtures. She blinked before glancing at her friends. “I’ve lived here for six years. I didn’t know this building had a ladder, let alone maintenance men.”
Emily waved her inside. “Well, for heaven’s sake, don’t jinx it.”
After shutting the door, Julia joined her friends in the kitchen, gathered around her small table. Coffee was passed, bagels and pastries shared without a word needing to be spoken. For a few minutes, it was almost normal.
Elbows on the table, Gaby watched Julia over the rim of her cup. “So, what happened?”
“Leland wants me to come back to Devil’s Pointe,” Julia said. “Said it’s safer.”
Gaby’s brows lifted. “He’s not wrong.”
“No,” Julia conceded. “He’s not.”
“And?” Emily pressed.
“He offered to stay out of my way so I could find the dom I need.”
There was a collective wince.
Cari’s hand tightened briefly on Julia’s arm. “What was your reply to that?”
“I hope you let him have it,” Emily said.
Julia looked down at her hands. “We didn’t exactly stay on topic.”
Emily went very still. “Don’t tell me you had sex with him.”
Her lack of response was answer enough.
Julia didn’t look up. “Is this the part where you tell me I’m an idiot?”
“No,” Cari said gently. “This is the part where we tell you that you’re human.”
Emily pointed at her. “He’s the idiot.”
“Also true,” Gaby added.
A beat of silence passed.
“I’m definitely killing him.”
“Emily,” Cari said mildly. “No one’s killing anyone. Haven’t we suffered through enough of that?”
“I’ll make it look like an accident,” usually sweet Emily promised.
That pulled a reluctant laugh from Julia.
Gaby set down her cup. “Your situation with Leland isn’t that different from mine with Rhys.”
She knew some of their story, but not all of it. Interest piqued, Julia asked, “How so?”
“He couldn’t let go of his past,” Gaby continued. “And when he found out I was undercover, he lumped me in with it.”
Cari frowned. “Is that what’s going on with Leland? Nick says he doesn’t know.”
Julia shook his head. “He never said. Only that his job is dangerous, and he doesn’t do permanent.”
She snorted. “If that were true, I wouldn’t be with Nick.”
“Or me with Alec.”
“The same for me with Rhys, or him with me for that matter, since we have the same risky job.” Gaby frowned. “There has to be more to it.”
“What difference does it make? Bottom line, he’s stubbornly against commitment, and I will not beg.” She sniffed. “I doubt that would work, anyway.”
“Sometimes it does,” Gaby said, a little wistful smile tipping up her lips.
Cari’s brows lifted. “Sounds like you have experience.”
“Do tell,” Emily echoed immediately.
Gaby shot them both a look and told Julia, “Ignore them.”
“I’m not ignoring that,” Cari said.
Gaby turned and faced Julia. “My point is, Rhys was avoiding me and stubbornly refusing to listen, but then we were assigned to work together.” She glanced at Cari. “Devil’s doing, by the way.”
“Of course it was. Nick would deny it to his last breath, but he’s the best matchmaker we have.”
“I’d have to agree. Forced to be together, talk to each other, rely on and trust one another, Rhys and I were able to get past… well… his past.”
“Forced proximity,” Emily sighed. “My favorite kind of romance novel.”
Gaby looked at her. “You have time to read?”
She frowned. “Running my business and being a newlywed? No. I should have said it used to be.”
“Unfortunately, my life isn’t a romance novel,” Julia put in.
“I get it,” Cari said gently. “But you won’t get him back by staying away.”
“Who says I want him back?”
All three of them looked at her. Then, almost in unison, rolled their eyes.
Julia exhaled. “Okay. Fine. I do. But I’m only half the equation.”
“Are you dead set on not returning to the club?” Cari asked her.
“Yes. I’m sorry.”
“I understand, but please know, the door is always open.”
“Thank you.”
“What will you do instead?” Gaby asked.
Julia knew what she meant. Being submissive was who she was, not by choice. The others came to it later, but she’d known and been in the lifestyle for over a decade.
“I don’t know. Can you become a nun if you were raised Baptist?”
“Pretty sure that’s not how that works,” Emily said.
“I was raised Catholic,” Cari stated. “It’s not without a whole lot of work.”
Julia picked up her Danish. “Guess I’ll sublimate with sugar and cream cheese.”
That, they all understood.
“If that doesn’t work, and you get the itch again, stay away from The Underground. That club is bad news,” Gaby said. “Four women have gone missing. Those clubs seem to be the common thread.”
The mood in the room changed, and all humor disappeared.
“I know. Leland told me. It’s awful.”
Cari set her cup down and laid a hand on her arm. “You can’t keep going there, Julia. It isn’t safe.”
Gaby added gently. “And you fit the profile.”
Julia blinked. “I’m sorry—what?”
She held her gaze. “You’re exactly the kind of sub he’s targeting. We’re investigating, but it came to us cold. It might take a while to find him.”
For a second, Julia stared at her. Her stomach lurched, a bitter burn climbing into her throat. “I think I might be sick.”
“Good. Then you’re done with The Underground.” Emily reached over and squeezed her hand. “Promise me.”
“Promise us,” Gaby corrected.
“I promise,” Julia said, and meant it. “I never felt comfortable there.” She shook her head, glancing at Cari. “It’s not your place.”
“No place is.” She smiled faintly. “But that’s all Nick.” After a brief pause, she added, “Though I like to think I improved it.”
“You did,” Emily said.
“Absolutely,” Gaby added.
They talked about nothing and everything—club gossip, upcoming events, people Julia hadn’t realized she missed until their names came up.
It helped.
Eventually, the coffee was gone, the pastries reduced to crumbs, and the visit wound down.
Emily hugged her tightly. Gaby squeezed her hand. Cari lingered a second longer than the others, her smile softer.
When they were gone, the apartment fell quiet again.
She returned to the kitchen, collecting cups, wiping down the table and counter. The routine steadied her—distracting her mind while keeping her hands occupied.
Steady didn’t mean whole.
Her gaze drifted to the junk drawer. She hesitated before pulling it open. Receipts. Take-out menus. A pen that might or might not work. And tucked beneath it all, a crumpled napkin.
She pulled it free and stared at the number scrawled across it and the date. Next Saturday.
Another option. Another mistake waiting to happen.
“What are you, crazy?” she asked her empty kitchen.
Wadding the napkin into a ball, she threw it in the trash. A minute later, she dug it out and stuck it back in the drawer, muttering, “Crazy and stupid.”
Julia propped a hip against the counter, staring at nothing in particular. No matter how many times she told herself she was done with men and the lifestyle, her body—and her heart—were harder to convince.