Chapter 31
Julia woke with Leland’s arm around her waist and his body warm against her back. For a moment, she simply lay there, listening to him breathe. Something made her glance over her shoulder.
He was awake. Watching her. Not restless or guarded, just present and thoughtful.
She wriggled around to face him, their legs tangling together under the sheet. His eyes looked tired, dark shadows smudges beneath them.
“You didn’t sleep.”
He didn’t deny it. “It gave me time to think.”
“That sounds ominous.” Enough to worry her.
The corner of his mouth twitched faintly, not quite a smile. “I need to tell you why I am the way I am.”
Julia didn’t push. She only moved closer, giving him space to speak.
He told her what Cari had, but in greater, more devastating detail.
About his parents, the fire, losing everything in one night, and the grief that shaped everything after.
Growing up with his grandparents, loved but never financially secure.
Joining the military, so he could go to college and never feel that kind of helplessness again.
When he spoke about his unit and the men he’d trusted with his life, his voice grew gruff because most of those good, brave men hadn’t come home.
He fell silent. She held him, letting him have that moment. When he finally cleared his throat, she knew he’d gone somewhere deep to pull the next words out.
“I told you about Erin.” His gaze drifted past her. “After all of that, I started believing people I cared about paid for it.”
Julia had pieced that together and ached for all he’d lost, but hearing it from him—stripped bare—hit differently. So much harder.
She laced her fingers more tightly through his. “You’ve had more loss than anyone should,” she said softly. “More than me. I lost my mother before I ever knew her, and my gran was taken when I was just seventeen.”
He looked at her. “What happened to your father?”
“I never knew him. He didn’t stick around.”
“Did you ever try looking for him?”
“Never. He didn’t want to know me, and the feeling was mutual.”
“Smart,” Leland grunted. “He sounds like an asshole.”
Julia hid a smile against his chest. Typical Leland.
“My point is,” she said gently, “death touches all of us. It’s part of loving people. We don’t get to keep anyone forever.”
Her thumb brushed over his knuckles.
“But imagine what you would’ve missed if you’d never had them. Your parents. The men in your unit. Erin.” Her voice softened. “Me.”
“I can’t think about losing you. Last night was too damn close.”
His expression changed. Not shutting her out, like in the past, but opening.
She curled closer to his side, resting her head on his shoulder. “I already knew some of it,” she admitted after a moment.
His brow furrowed. “What?”
“Cari did a little digging.” A faint smile touched her lips. “Dev isn’t the only crack investigator in the family, apparently.”
Leland said nothing. She braced instinctively for anger or withdrawal. Neither came.
Instead, he said quietly, “The shower. Cari told you that day.”
“Yeah,” she whispered. “My heart broke for that little boy. For the soldier. For the man. I wanted to hold you.”
Vulnerability moved across his face. “It changed me.”
“No one walks through that unchanged.”
His gaze searched hers. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“I asked about Erin. That was hard enough.” Her fingers tightened around his. “I hoped you’d trust me with the rest when you were ready. And you did.”
His hand came up, cradling her cheek before he dipped his head and kissed her gently. “I should know better than to underestimate you.”
“You really should.”
That surprised the smallest huff of laughter out of him. When it faded, something heavier settled in its place.
“When I lost my parents, I knew logically how it worked,” he said at last. “But I was a kid buried in grief, and there was no arguing with it. Then it happened again. And again.”
“Oh, Leland…”
“I kept my distance, thinking if I stayed alone, no one else would pay the price for caring about me. But last night proved how wrong I was,” he said roughly. “I pushed you away and nearly lost you anyway.”
Julia’s chest ached hearing the quiet conviction behind it.
“If losing people is inevitable,” he said, “shutting everyone out doesn’t change the ending.” His thumb brushed over her cheek. “It just steals everything that could have come before it.”
She blinked back tears, asking softly, “You know what I think?”
“What?”
“I think you’ve spent years punishing yourself for surviving.”
His eyes locked with hers. No denial. No deflection. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
“Do what?”
“Pretend you’d be better off without me.”
Her breath caught hard; she couldn’t hide it.
He noticed because Leland didn’t miss much. He gathered her closer, eyes bright with emotion. “I want a future with you, Julia.”
Her eyes burned instantly. “Good,” she whispered, echoing him. “Because I already started imagining one with you.”
“Fair warning,” he murmured. “After this, I’ll probably be overprotective as hell.”
“If it means not getting stalked and kidnapped again, I’m willing to make concessions.”
That earned a genuine smile from him. Small, tired, but capable of undoing her completely.
Leland shifted suddenly, rolling her beneath him. He kissed her—slow, thorough, making the rest of the world disappear. When he finally lifted his head, his forehead rested against hers.
“Start making them. Because I’m done letting you walk away from me.”