Chapter 37
Chapter
Thirty-Seven
Sage
Igently pull away from Alexei, reveling in the feel of his hot body on mine. He looks deep into my eyes as he strokes the hair away from my face. Both of us breathing hard from the comedown.
That was incredible. I've never been made to feel so powerful and wanted. Especially now as his rough hand cups my cheek and I'm allowed to sit in this moment for a while. I have the urge to lean forward…
Oh. Fuck.
I jolt upright, his cock still inside me, and glance towards the door with wide eyes.
It's still firmly shut and undisturbed. I breathe a sigh of relief that we haven't been caught, but immediately resort back to panic when my eyes meet his again.
Jesus Christ, how loud were we? I have to get him off of me and out of here as quick as possible before someone realizes what's going on. Oh fuck what have I done?
I have no excuses to fall back on anymore. I know exactly who he is and what he is. I am intimately acquainted with all the wounds he's inflicted on me. I know the damage he's done. And I've let him inside me now more than once. I know better than this and still, I did it anyway.
Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.
I sit up and he slips out of me. I trip over myself to get away from him, falling off the edge of the lounge and onto the floor. I quickly right myself and focus on fixing my dress and not on the sticky substance running down my thigh.
"Princess," Alexei says, tone tense and jaw tight. He only moves enough to tuck himself back into his pants. Otherwise he remains still, like any sudden movement might send me off the edge and he's probably right.
I shake my head as I stand on shaky feet.
I rush about the room in a panic, a tiny frown on my face as I try to set everything back to how it was before we were in here.
Which is futile and ridiculous. Something that I recognize as a dramatic overreaction because all we've touched is the couch but I'm focused on straightening the ornaments on the bookshelf.
People will be looking for us. It's not a secret that he's here or that I went away to patch him up. How long have we been in here? How long have we been missing? Has anyone noticed?
The sweat on my forehead gets wetter as I get hotter and hotter, feeling like I'm about to combust.
I look over my shoulder where Alexei has stood up off the lounge and is buttoning his pants back up even as his shirt hangs open at the reminder of his half-tended wound.
Should I fix it? I make a step towards him to do so before I think better of it.
"Nobody saw, princess," Alexei says, even though his tone sounds bitter as he says it.
In the back of my mind I know that no one has seen us. The fallout would be much worse if they did. If Dad hates the fact that we're working with the Rushkoffs I can't imagine what he'd do if he found out what I'd let Alexei do to me.
And I let him do it again. Again and again. Over and over.
Over and over and over I let him close to me and I let him in and I let him touch me. There's no excuse for it anymore. Maybe before I was fooled. Maybe before I was under a canopy of anger that could be explained away. But not anymore.
Now, I know who Alexei Rushkoff is. I am sure of it.
He's everything evil and wild and horrible and wonderful. I know all the darkest parts of both him and of me and still I let him do it again.
I want to kill Alexei Rushkoff.
I would die without him.
"Are you done freaking out?" he asks, calmly watching me with mildly restrained annoyance.
I cringe and reach a finger to my mouth to chew on my nail, but think better of it.
His lips purse in annoyance. Of all the times I've let him close to me, I'm not sure why I'm choosing to freak out now. Except that I am sure. Totally sure.
His eyes follow me as I pace back and forth.
"Well? Are you finished?" he asks, nostrils flaring.
I look him up and down and know I'm fighting a losing battle. Even if I wanted to stop myself, I never could. With him, I never have been.
"No," I answer honestly. "I'm nowhere close to finished."
He only gets a second to frown before I am rushing at him, breaking all the boundaries, tearing past all the silent lines we put in place, and pressing my lips to his.
Time stops in that moment. All the panic melts from my body as if I have been waiting my whole life just to feel my lips press against his for the first time.
I'm forceful, not giving him an inch as I throw everything I have into this with him. I throw my arms around his neck as his lips move against mine. He grips my arms and pulls me away from him, like his only choice was to physically rip my lips from his because he couldn't bear to part from me.
His breaths are heavy as he looks me up and down, something confused and unsure in his eyes. He searches for something. I can't tell if he's looking for permission or fighting for something within himself. But if he is, he loses.
His hand wraps around the back of neck, pulling me back in against him and coming at me twice as hard as I'd come at him.
He smothers me with this kiss. Funny that of all the things we've done, a simple first kiss is the thing that feels the most intense and garners the biggest reaction from my body.
Months, or probably years, of stress melt away from me.
Something inside my body shifts. Rifting on its axis as he holds me. As if we were two people who were never meant to get this close. Alexei touches not only my body, but something deeper with this kiss. He reaches into me and he rips apart my soul.
Oh, God. He tastes good.
That thought is both terrifying and peaceful.
He holds me so close that there is no space left between our bodies or secrets between our hearts. He's touched me in every way imaginable, but this is maybe the most intimate thing we've done together. It is definitely the most dangerous thing we've ever done together.
A death promise was one thing, this is something else.
This breaks more promises and crosses more lines than either of us ever intended. Because a kiss isn't about lust. It's about something else. Something that I know has always been there but until now has gone unnamed.
Our lips slowly part, eyes remaining closed as our foreheads stay pressed together and we share our breaths. I open my eyes first, and get to witness the array of emotion that crosses his face when he opens his to see me.
He gulps as he takes a single step back, watching me curiously. But I can see it as he comes alive to the same panic that I felt. He frowns, his hand dropping from my neck as he steps back on unsteady steps. He looks just as untethered as I feel.
He wipes his mouth and buttons his shirt, still watching me with heavy eyes and even heavier breaths. I can't read all the emotions running through his mind but I can certainly see them on his face as they play out in real time.
He puts his hands up in surrender, tongue poking out to touch his canine, before he shakes his head and spares me only a single confused look as he rushes away. The door closes gently behind him but with a force that feels like a rattled bang as he leaves me standing alone.
I raise my fingertips to touch my swollen lips.
Today, I closed a door. And opened a rift.