25. Chapter 25
twenty-five
“ O kay. I need a break,” Curtis announced as he fell back on the mattress. “I’m officially worn out.”
Lina laughed. “Already? I thought you were the guy who could go all night.”
He turned his head to her with narrowed eyes. “Excuse me. I had a rough night and have burned more calories than I consumed all day. Hell, more than I consumed all week.”
They’d made their way to the shower after their training and happy-dance session in the ring before ending up in bed for a slow, prolonged worship . Curtis had really made her feel like an ancient goddess who was destined to be revered one inch at a time.
“Okay, I’ll give you that,” Lina said.
“Come here.” Curtis pulled her to him and covered them with the blanket.
Lina hesitantly laid her head on his shoulder and let herself relax.
This is pleasant.
She couldn’t remember the last time she’d cuddled with a man. She wasn’t sure she had. Her life had been so intense since she’d left high school, she hadn’t quite let herself be vulnerable around men when she’d been naked with them. It usually had been a fast, necessary relief like their first time in Barcelona, not the gentleness Curtis had shown her in the past hour.
Even in that moment, Curtis’ fingers caressed her arm as if he was strumming a slow song on his guitar, which reminded her what had led them to the gym and eventually here.
Lina took his other hand and ran her thumb over his bruised knuckles. “Why did you do MMA fight training? Your hands are precious. Why risk hurting them?”
He flexed and unflexed his hand. “I never quite thought about my hands that way.”
“Have you seen yourself play the guitar?” she asked incredulously. “The way your fingers move over the strings, it’s fascinating to watch. You have a style that’s distinctively you. I’d rather you keep your hands safe and leave the punching to me.”
Curtis chuckled. “Have you hurt your hands?” He studied her hand in his.
“Plenty of times. And other parts of my body.”
“I was gonna ask.” He traced a puckered strip on her left side. “What happened here?”
Lina went silent as the memory of searing hot pain burned her skin again. “Sniper bullet,” she quietly answered. The wound hadn’t been life-threatening, but it had caused her so much loss.
Curtis’ embrace tightened around her. “Where? When?”
“I can’t say. Classified.” That answer was always the easiest to stop inquiry.
He didn’t push for more information, but said, “I’m glad it didn’t…”
“Kill me?” she finished for him.
“Yeah.” He kissed the top of her head.
Me too. Though, at one time, she’d wished the bullet had taken her instead.
Pushing away the nightmare, Lina reiterated her original question, “So, why MMA?”
“I wanted to learn to fight, defend myself, protect my loved ones from harm,” Curtis said. “You know what happened to my sister?”
“I read about it.”
“I was devastated when she’d told me about the abuse she’d endured. I wasn’t there to protect her. And when I was there, they’d taken her right from under our noses. I felt useless. Callie knew how to defend herself better than I could. She’s amazing,” he said.
“She and Brandon seem happy now,” Lina observed.
“They are. They were always meant to be together. If it weren’t…” he faltered.
“If it weren’t what?”
“If it weren’t for me, breaking them up before they even began. Because I was petty, selfish, and immature.”
Lina turned to her stomach and looked at Curtis. “What do you mean?”
“It was a long time ago, but I caused a rift between Brandon and Callie. They lost contact for years—we all somewhat did with Callie. I didn’t blame her for not wanting to have anything to do with me.”
“Your sister loves you, Curtis. I could see that.”
Curtis smiled. “Yeah. I love her, too. I’m glad she and Brandon reunited and somehow helped us patch up our imperfect family.
“When I returned to New York from Paris after that situation, I felt listless,” he added. “Everybody had something else they were focusing on. Brandon with the family and painting. Ram was DJ’ing on the side and doing a sci-fi podcast with Justin.”
“Ram and Justin have a podcast?” Lina questioned. The other two quarters of Canis Major were the ones who had never given Lina headaches when she’d toured with them. When they hadn’t been performing or doing any official band things, they’d been happy reading their books or playing video games.
“Yeah. Remember they always read those sci-fi books and keep talking about them?” Curtis asked. “So, one time I told them they should talk about them somewhere where the other nerds are. They took it to heart.” He chuckled. “It’s actually gotten pretty popular. They’ve had celebrity guests and all.”
“Good for them!”
“Yeah.” His smile dimmed. “So…the MMA stuff helped somewhat with letting off steam, but I felt untethered when we’re not in session working on new materials or on the road performing. That’s how I ended up hitting clubs and, as you called it, in the wrong place, at the wrong time.”
Lina didn’t like it when Curtis looked this solemn. He was the guy who had a joke for every situation, who was the life of the party, who cheered a strange girl who badly needed to fart.
“I know what you’re thinking.” His lips twisted in a self-deprecating smile. “Boohoo, woe is me. I have nothing to complain about when I have everything I wanted.”
“I don’t think that at all.”
The look on his face showed he didn’t believe her. “I won’t blame you if you think of me as a dumbass musician. You gave your life to the service of our country, while I played music for a crowd of people.”
“We all walk our own paths, Curtis. None is better or worse, just if it’s right for you. Your calling is music, and it serves the need of humanity. Truthfully, I wish for the day when we won’t need people like me.”
Curtis brushed his knuckles against her cheek. “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. The Stilettos probably would’ve already had my head on a platter by now.”
“Don’t say that.” Lina shuddered as she wrapped her arm around his chest and kissed his neck. “I won’t ever let them get to you.”
I will kill them if they ever touch him.
And she meant that wholeheartedly.
Curtis relished having Lina snuggle against him. To have her lie there with him just as a woman whose skin turned out to be as smooth as silk, whose flesh was as vulnerable as his, and whose needs matched his, was humbling.
Ever since he’d known her, she’d never shown much of the woman inside, only the solid, confident person they all depended on to keep them safe. None of his bandmates nor he himself had ever really thought their safety was ever in jeopardy, but that was because Lina and her team had made sure of it.
He’d often wondered why she’d left the armed services. Someone like Lina shouldn’t be wasting her time protecting the likes of him. But every time he’d asked, she’d redirected him to something else altogether. He wondered if it had something to do with the turmoil he’d seen in her eyes before—and more since they’d started on this crazy ride.
“Lina, did you quit the Army because something bad happened?” Curtis asked point blank. He felt her shoulders tense against his arm, but she slowly loosened her muscles as she thought of a reply.
He waited patiently. Was she going to give him a genuine answer this time, or another non-answer?
“Yes,” she finally said. “I can’t really talk about it.”
“You can’t or won’t?”
“Mostly I can’t.” She sighed. “Not the details, at least.”
“Did you lose someone?” Curtis asked, based on his nagging instinct.
Lina turned her gaze up to him. “Why do you say that?”
“Last night, when you told me to go with Raul, you said you couldn’t keep me safe anymore. You said you couldn’t lose me, too. Who did you lose?”
She looked as if she was deciding how much to share.
“A friend.” Her hand fisted on his chest. “A subordinate I was training. Someone I was supposed to keep safe.”
“I’m sorry,” Curtis said, seeing the loss still felt fresh to her, as though it’d just happened yesterday. “He must’ve meant a lot to you.”
“She did,” Lina corrected. “She had so much potential and would’ve been off doing a lot of good things if she were still here.”
“What happened?” he gently probed. He caressed her soft black hair, soothing her nerves as the questions opened a flood of unwanted memories. He almost regretted asking.
“She shouldn’t have been there.” Lina released a long breath. “Her strength wasn’t in field operations. She didn’t need to be there, but she wanted to prove to everyone she could pull her weight. We all did in our time in the service. We all needed to prove to ourselves we could do it as well, if not better than the rest of them.”
Curtis could guess who the rest of them were.
“I understood that and, against my judgment, I let her into the mission.” She continued her story now that the floodgate was open. “Everything went fine. It was an ordinary intelligence-gathering mission. We were supposed to go in, get our info from the informant, and get out.”
Something obviously had gone wrong. Curtis could feel Lina struggle with the rest of the story now.
“Our informant betrayed us. The enemy had a sniper trained on us the whole time. I felt something was off, but I detected the threat too late and she didn’t see it coming. Before I could warn her, a shot was fired, and she was on the ground, bleeding. I got this scar trying to pull her to safety. But she was already dead.”
Curtis’ breath caught in his chest, hearing the anguish in her voice. Wrapping his arms around her, he cradled her close to his heart. “God, Lina. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
“I failed her,” Lina said, choking on a sob, trying not to cry. “I should’ve known better. I shouldn’t have let her go.”
Recognizing her guilt, Curtis didn’t try telling her it wasn’t her fault. Even if she wasn’t at fault, she’d still think she was. She’d still carry it. So, he did the only thing he could. He soothed her.
“Let it out, sweetheart,” he whispered as he caressed her back. “Get it all out. Whatever you need to do. Cry, shout, anything. Don’t bottle it up.”
Curtis kissed her forehead as she teared up into his chest. “You don’t have to be strong all the time. Not with me.”