Chapter 21 – Sydney
SYDNEY
“MEOW!”
“No,” I protest, shaking my head. “Absolutely not.”
Bea yowls again, flicking her tail.
“That is your dinner,” I remind her firmly. “That is the good cat food that Justin bought for you. The expensive cat food. And that is what you’re eating.”
She gives the dish on the kitchen floor a disdainful sniff. For a single moment, I think I’ve won, and she’ll at least try it. But then she lets out a low growl and starts pawing at the tile, as if to bury it.
“You’re impossible!” I tell her, throwing my hands up in exasperation. “Why do you want the other stuff, anyway? This one has real chicken in it. See?”
I hold up the can and point at the ingredients, like that will prove something. I know she can’t read, but it’s the principle of the matter.
It’s no use. She stares at me, unimpressed, and sits down beside her bowl, tail curling around her paws. I can tell that for her, it’s the principle of the matter, too. She doesn’t want any of the good, healthy food that Justin bought her. She wants the gross stuff.
“Fine!” I snatch her dish from the ground, dump the untouched food in the sink, and reach for a can of the cheap brand.
When Justin picked up supplies for her, he bought an absurd range of canned food, from the most expensive veterinarian-recommended premium stuff all the way down to the cheapest, off-brand sludge.
Apparently, Bea only wants the sludge.
“This stuff smells terrible, by the way,” I mutter, spooning some into a fresh dish. But Bea seems to like the smell. She winds around my legs, mewing and rubbing against my ankles, begging loudly until I set the food down in front of her.
It’s impressive just how adorable she is.
I watch as she eats her dinner in tiny, happy bites, purring loudly with every mouthful.
When she’s finished licking the dish clean, she arches her back in a leisurely stretch, yawns, and then prances over to my favorite armchair, where her two toy bees are already waiting.
She jumps up and takes her time circling the space, kneading the fabric and testing the stuffing before she curls up in a ball, hiding her face with her tail and instantly falling asleep.
Adorable.
I fiddle with the belt of my robe, knowing I should go to bed, too.
There’s only one problem, though. My nerves are overstimulated, my body humming with leftover heat from my encounter with Sebastian.
I feel hypersensitive, my skin too warm, and my lips still burn from that ghost of a kiss.
Just a brush of his mouth against mine, and somehow, it’s all I can feel, all I think about.
You could have him. His hot touches and his ice-cold anger. It could be yours. All four of them could be yours.
I squeeze my eyes shut. No. What I need is a little me time. A gratuitously smutty book, and some time alone in my bed, before I go to sleep. That’s what I need.
That, and some privacy. Which I’m not entirely convinced I have anymore.
My apartment feels different, somehow. I can’t shake the feeling I’m being watched. Like I’m not actually alone.
Hugging my arms around myself, I frown at my ceiling. Everything looks normal. Exactly the same.
Walking slowly around my apartment, I scan each room for changes, for anything that shouldn’t be there. There’s a smoke detector set into the living room ceiling, and a matching one in the kitchen. I stop beneath one, suddenly suspicious. Did they always look like that? Have they changed at all?
My fingers drum against my skin.
Only one way to be sure. I pull my cellphone out of my robe pocket and call his number before I can overthink it.
Sebastian picks up on the first ring. “I didn’t expect you to fold so soon,” he says, sounding smug.
I take a breath to steady myself, trying to ignore what his voice does to me. “I need you to be completely honest with me.”
“Always,” he answers. But I can hear a hesitation in his voice, and I wonder if he knows what I’m about to ask.
“Are there any cameras in my apartment?” I ask him, frowning up at the smoke detector. It just squats there in the ceiling, silently.
He answers immediately. “One. Outside your front door, pointed down the stairs so I can see if anyone tries to break in. That’s it.”
Still staring at the smoke detector like it might suddenly move, I walk to my door and open it, taking a few steps down the stairs and then craning my head up to look. Sure enough, there it is. A camera, with a flashing red light.
It looks nothing like a smoke detector. It is, identifiably, a camera.
“Go ahead and wave, if you’d like. I can see you right now, through the video feed.”
I don’t wave. Frowning at the camera one last time, I walk back inside, close my door, and lock it.
The smoke detector looks very much like a smoke detector.
“And that’s the only one?” I press, voice skeptical.
“I promised you no cameras in your home, Sydney,” he assures me. “I kept that promise.”
“Okay,” I say, releasing a breath and heading back into my bedroom. I sit down on the edge of my bed and let myself fall backwards, my back hitting the mattress. “I just wanted to be sure.”
“Are you disappointed?” he asks.
I blink, confused. “Disappointed?” I repeat. “Why would I be—”
“You’re about to touch yourself, aren’t you?” His tone is so casual, so nonchalant. Heat immediately rushes to my cheeks. “Are you disappointed I won’t be able to watch you?”
“I…” I shift up onto my elbows, my mouth opening and closing as I sputter in indignation. “I wasn’t going to—”
“It’s ten… Hang on, let me check. Ten twenty-eight in the evening, Sydney,” he informs me. “And something made you decide to call me, this late, to double-check that you had your privacy.”
My cheeks are on fire. I sit up, hand clenched tight around the phone.
“In what world does that mean I’m going to…to do that,” I snap.
“In every world where I’m not an idiot,” he says, like it’s obvious. “And, for the record, I am disappointed, even if you aren’t.” His voice drops to a purr. “You have no idea what I’d give to watch you touch yourself for me.”
This time it’s not just my face that flushes with blood. I swallow, mouth suddenly dry.
“Well, I wasn’t going to anyway,” I lie.
“Liar.” Sebastian clicks his tongue. “Who would have thought our sweet little Sydney could be so dishonest.”
If he were here right now, I’d slap him right in his face.
He might like that.
Maybe you would, too.
There’s a rustle over the phone, like he’s leaning back in a chair, getting comfortable.
“Tell me, Sydney, what exactly were you thinking about that got you so worked up, hm?”
I don’t answer. With how tightly my teeth are clenched, I don’t think I could even if I wanted to. I vaguely consider just hanging up.
“Don’t want to tell me?” he asks. “Fine. Maybe I should guess, then, how about that?”
Another sound, like he’s stretching. He sounds so relaxed, so at ease. Meanwhile, I’m nearly shaking with rage.
“Maybe you’re thinking about Sterling, hm?
I know you used to have your little video calls with him.
I know he got to watch you fall apart. And he got to hold you down while you came underneath him.
” A mixture of desire and pain shoots through my chest before he continues.
“Have you been playing with yourself, thinking about him? Spreading those beautiful legs wide and remembering how he made you come?”
“No,” I bite out, finally able to speak. “I haven’t.”
“Hm. Pity,” he says. “He’s too predictable, anyway. Maybe you were thinking about Ashton? I bet if you called him right now, he would be there in under ten minutes, begging to slip his tongue between your legs.”
He would. I slide my tongue over my lips, suddenly feeling too warm. A single phone call, that’s all it would take.
“Am I getting warmer, Sydney?” Sebastian teases in my ear.
“No,” I whisper. The robe around my shoulders feels too hot, the fabric too much sensation against my skin.
“So who does that leave? Maybe Viper, then?”
My quick intake of breath is loud, far too loud to go unnoticed.
“Oh.” Sebastian chuckles. “Sounds like we have a winner, don’t we?”
“N-no,” I stutter.
“Oh, Sydney, I don’t believe you. Huh. Isn’t that interesting. You get more interesting by the day, you know that, love? It’s not Sterling’s control you’re after, or even Ashton’s tongue. You want the monster, is that right?”
“I wasn’t…” My mouth is so dry as I swallow. “I wasn’t thinking about Viper, I was…”
I can’t say it. I bite my lip.
On the other side of the line, Sebastian goes quiet.
“Is that why you called me?” he asks. His voice is growing even darker, more seductive. “Why you wanted to know if I was watching you?”
I don’t answer.
“Say it, Sydney. I want to hear you say it.”
I can’t.
Sebastian lets out a sound like a growl, low and primal. “Say you were thinking about me. Say it was my cock, my touch you were imagining. Tell me you’ve been wet for me since I touched you earlier.”
“You…” I suck in a breath. “You could have had me, you know. When you were in the bookshop…”
There’s a long pause on the other end of the phone before Sebastian speaks again.
“Let me have you now,” he says. “Just like this.”
I swallow.
“What are you wearing, Sydney?”
I’m standing on a precipice. And I have two choices. I can hang up and draw this line in the sand. Or…
You want it, don’t you? The darkness, the anger. Want him to own every piece of you, even for a moment.
My bathrobe falls to the ground at my feet the moment I untie the belt, sliding off my shoulders with practically no resistance.
“Nothing,” I tell him. “I’m not wearing anything anymore.”
Sebastian’s quick intake of breath is loud in my ear. “Get on your bed for me. Spread your legs,” he orders.
I do it. Letting out a shaky breath, I ask into the phone, “Now what?”
Sebastian chuckles.
“You know what I love about you, Sydney?” he asks. I’m struck by just how vibrant his voice is, like this. No mask, no cold exterior. Right now, nothing but a voice in my ear, Sebastian is raw and expressive.
“No,” I answer honestly.
“I love that you can follow orders, like a good little slut.”
My pulse flutters, and I wait for the words to hit me, wait for them to hurt me. I wait for the shame and self-loathing to fill me.
It doesn’t.
The words go straight through me, right to my core, and, surprising myself, I let out a quiet moan, loving the way it sounds when he calls me it.
“You like following my orders, don’t you?” he asks.
“Yes,” I whimper.
“Good. I want you to touch yourself for me. Play with those beautiful tits of yours.”
I let my hand slide over my chest, cupping my breast.
“Pinch your nipple.”
Biting my lip, I do as I’m told. A small sound escapes me.
“Harder, Sydney,” he demands.
I do it hard enough it hurts, and I cry out, savoring the feeling.
“That’s it,” Sebastian hisses into the phone. “That’s what you like, isn’t it? A little pain with your pleasure?”
“N-No,” I gasp, twisting them again. My mind conjures the memory of Viper, of his hands clasped around my jaw, forcing my head up, and I cry out, loudly.
“Don’t lie to me, not when you’re doing so well. You love it. I bet you’re dripping wet right now, aren’t you?”
“No,” I say softly, shaking my head. But I am. I know I am.
“Prove it. Slide those fingers into your wet pussy and tell me you’re not loving this.”
I don’t have to do it. I could hang up right now. But I follow his orders. I let my hand move down my body, over my hips and down until I slip a single finger over myself.
Just that touch is enough to make me cry out, arching off the bed.
“Say it, Sydney. Tell me what I want to hear.”
“I… I’m wet,” I admit, moving the finger in and out of myself. It’s a vast understatement. To say I’m wet is like saying the ocean is wet. I’m soaking, every nerve on fire as my fingers roll over my body.
Sebastian groans on the other end of the phone. There’s a shuffle of fabric, followed by a zipper, and I whimper, imagining it…imagining him touching himself with me.
“Are you fingering yourself?” he asks in a breathless voice.
“Yes,” I say, gasping. My finger slides in and out of me, slippery with my cum.
“Dirty fucking whore,” he grunts into the phone. “What do you think about when you’re fucking yourself, Sydney? What dirty things do you imagine?”
I gasp, my hand moving faster.
“Are you thinking about what I said earlier? How I could have fucked you right then and there in the middle of your store?”
Oh God.
“Are you thinking about how all those people could have been just steps away while you felt my cock slam into you over and over and over again? One moan away from being caught like the dirty slut you are? How you wouldn’t have asked me to stop, even when you were on display?”
“Yes,” I gasp, fucking myself.
“Tell me what else you think about, tell me all those dirty thoughts.”
“You!” I gasp, finger moving faster. “I… I’m thinking about you, Sebastian… about your fingers, and…”
There’s a loud intake of breath on the other end of the line.
And then silence.
My fingers still. “Sebastian?” I ask, breathless and uncertain. I start to remove my fingers. “Are you—?”
“Say it again,” he breathes into the phone.
“Say what—?”
“Say my fucking name,” he growls. His breathing ratchets up, and I can hear him, hear him fucking his own hand.
My fingers start to move again.
“Sebastian,” I whisper into the phone.
“Again,” he demands. “Louder.”
“Sebastian!” I cry out.
“That’s it,” he grunts. “Say my name again, dirty girl. I want to hear you say my name with those fingers buried in your pussy. I want you to scream it when you come.”
“I’m close,” I whimper, hips bowing off the bed, fucking myself hard.
“Fuck,” he swears, grunting into the phone.
“Sebastian, I… I—”
I explode, screaming his name as I come.
On the other end of the line, I hear him swear, low and guttural, and then groan, and I know he’s following me, know he’s coming with me, sharing this moment with me.
There’s a long silence after as we catch our breath, both gasping into the phone. I listen to him, imagining him. Cold, emotionless Sebastian, covered in his own release, breathless and spent. I imagine him flushed, his hair messy, lips parted.
And I made that happen. I broke through that mask and reduced him to this. There’s power in this moment, right here. And it’s all mine.
Finally, he speaks. “Sydney?” he asks softly.
I lift the phone from my ear, staring at it. I wish we’d done this through video. I wish I could see him, see the mess I’ve made of him.
“Syd, I—”
Whatever he’s going to say, I don’t wait to hear it.
I end the call.
Right now, in this moment, I have all the power. And I want to keep it that way.