Chapter 30 – Sydney
SYDNEY
For so much of my life, my anger felt like an anchor, weighing me down, holding me back. It took so much work to bury it deep inside me, to push it down so deep there was no chance it could hurt anyone else.
Now, I feel it gnawing at my chest, wanting to be let out.
Let it out. Let it take care of Chase.
I should have known it wasn’t my imagination. Chase never could stand to lose, to not get exactly what he felt he was owed. I never expected him to go this far, but I’m not that surprised. I know the kind of man he is. I saw those flashes of petty rage in his eyes for years.
He demanded I come back to him, and I didn’t listen. Then he was humiliated, first by Seb and then by Ash. This is his escalation. The only thing I can’t understand is what he hopes to get out of this. What is he hoping to accomplish, other than torturing me?
“No.” A loud voice breaks through my thoughts. “You’re not setting one foot in this place.”
I freeze in the middle of trying to tempt Bea down from the top shelf of our classics section—where she’s managed to knock a whole row of books onto the ground—and turn toward the front of the store.
I gave Jade the day off, so Justin and I are on our own today.
That’s definitely his voice I just heard.
But I’ve never heard Justin yell before.
“Look, buddy, I’m just trying to do my job, okay?” a gruff voice answers. “You can either let me in to complete my delivery, or you can take it yourself.”
I manage to grab Bea as she’s pawing at another book, holding her against my chest as I creep my way up to the front.
When I get there, Justin is standing in the doorway of our shop, actively blocking a man from entering.
I don’t recognize the man, but I do recognize the box in his hands.
Cheap gray cardboard. Another “gift” from Chase.
“And I already told you, you’re not delivering here.
Not anymore,” Justin snaps. It’s a shock to see Justin angry, to hear his raised voice.
When the delivery guy shifts, like he’s going to try to push past him, Justin thrusts out his arm and blocks the way, using every inch of his height to his advantage. “Who is sending this stuff to her?”
“Listen, man, I don’t know what to tell you. I’m just the delivery guy! Just move aside and let me do my job so—”
“Delivering for whom?” Justin asks in a raised voice.
“How the fuck should I know! I never met the guy!” the man yells. “I just accepted the job through JobRabbit—take it up with them!”
“Where did you pick it up from? What’s the address?”
“Fuck this shit.” The delivery guy throws up his arm in disgust. “And fuck you. I don’t get paid enough for this, even with the tip.” Scowling, he turns to leave, chucking the box next to a trash can on his way down the street.
Justin doesn’t move from the doorway until the guy is out of sight. Only then, when the man is long gone, does he step back inside, letting the door finally close.
Unaware of my presence, Justin pulls out his phone, and I watch him navigate to the app store, searching through the possible downloads until he finds one with a pink rabbit holding a hammer.
“What was that about?” I ask, setting Bea down on the ground. She takes off the moment her paws hit the floor, racing out of the café to cause trouble elsewhere.
Justin glances up at me and then back to his phone. “Nothing you need to worry about.”
“Another box of horrors?” I joke. He doesn’t return my smile.
“I didn’t look inside,” he admits. “But the guy mentioned JobRabbit. I’ve heard of it. It’s an app for hiring people to do random tasks.” He types away as he talks. “Maybe I can figure out where this stuff is coming from. And put a stop to it.”
Justin keeps typing, face pinched in concentration.
Screw it.
“I think I know who it is, actually,” I tell him. He doesn’t look up, his brows furrowed as he types. “I’m pretty sure it’s Chase.”
I wasn’t going to tell anyone my suspicions until I could get some proof, but I’m tired of feeling like I have to handle this all on my own. I could use some backup.
Justin looks up from his phone in surprise. “What? Why would Chase do this to you?”
“Because he’s an asshole?” I offer. “I think when I refused to get back together with him, he took that as an opportunity to, I don’t know, punish me? It wouldn’t be the first time.”
Justin’s expression seems stuck halfway between pity and fury, but he schools himself before he responds.
“Jesus. You really think he’d do something like this?
The flowers, the uhhh—” I don’t make him finish his sentence, not wanting to remember the smell of rotting meat that accompanied his last delivery.
“I do,” I tell him honestly. “But I’d love some sort of confirmation or proof that it’s him. So if you still want to do your fancy computer stuff,” I wave my hand at his phone. “I’d really appreciate it.”
He smirks wide enough to show his dimples. “I’m happy to do my fancy computer stuff, but what’s the plan in the meantime? Should we call the police?”
“The justice system isn’t exactly known for taking stalkers seriously,” I grumble. “I already have a restraining order, but until we have proof, I doubt the police will do anything. Not without something definitive, anyway.”
I already know what my best route of protection is, and it doesn’t involve anyone in a uniform. It involves four men, who I know wouldn’t hesitate to step in, if asked.
They’d take care of him for you. Leave him in pieces for his family to find.
Justin sighs. “I know what you mean. About the police not helping. Even with proof, they’re next to worthless.
” Something dark crosses over his face. “We can’t just sit around and wait for him to really hurt you, though.
I’m not going to let that happen. I’m not going to stand back and let another asshole get away with this. Not again.”
“What do you mean, not again?” I ask, frowning.
He freezes, like he hadn’t realized he said it.
“Justin?” I prompt.
He blows a lock of hair out of his eyes, refusing to look at me. “You remember that secret I told you? How I got kicked out of my grad program?”
“Yeah,” I say, dread creeping into my chest. “For assaulting someone.” He nods, slowly. “A woman?” I venture.
Justin’s head whips up in shock. “What? No!”
“You said it!” I accuse him. “You said to me that there was a girl and—”
“And there was!” Justin shoves his phone back into his pocket. The look he gives me is heartbroken and wounded. “But I didn’t hurt her.”
“Okay.” I cross my arms over my chest. “Then tell me. What happened?”
“There was a girl, and she got hurt. But she wasn’t…
She’s not the one I assaulted.” Justin runs a hand through his hair.
“I was TAing a class, and there was a student who was…” he pauses, searching for the words.
“Great. She was great. Maybe not the best in the class, but better than a lot of the guys in my grad courses. High marks, creative solutions when she hit coding issues, really just…great.”
“And?”
Justin huffs. “And then she just stopped showing up. And when she was there, she wasn’t…you know, present. Her grades dropped, her work was subpar, and I just couldn’t understand what happened. So I started asking around, talking to the other TAs about it.”
I wait, while he takes a deep breath.
“She was raped,” he tells me.
My heart sinks. “Oh God,” I whisper.
“This asshole she was dating took her to a party and—” He runs a hand over his face, looking exhausted, suddenly.
I take a step closer to him, reaching out my hand to touch his shoulder.
“She did everything right, too,” Justin continues, voice dropping to nearly a whisper.
“Not that there’s a wrong way to react when something like this happens, you know?
But she did everything they say you’re supposed to do.
She went to the nurse, got a physical, and reported it all to the dean and the police. She trusted them to handle it.”
“But they didn’t?”
Justin laughs, but it’s a bitter, hateful sound. “No. They said it was a mistake. The guy was on a football scholarship, going to take them to the playoffs. They pretended to do an investigation, but it never went anywhere.”
“That’s horrible,” I say, queasy just thinking about it.
“Yeah,” Justin agrees. “I felt terrible for her, but what could I do, you know? And then one day, he shows up outside of the classroom with a bunch of his friends, calling her names. Said she was a liar, that she was asking for it. And I just lost it.”
I don’t see anger in his eyes when he looks at me, though. He looks embarrassed, ashamed.
“It’s my fault,” Justin admits. “I threw the first punch. After that, it’s a bit of a blur.” He laughs awkwardly. “I’d like to say I gave as good as I got, but, honestly, he kicked my ass. And the next day, they pulled my position.”
“Justin, I’m so sorry.”
He just shrugs.
“And I’m sorry I…” I can’t even bring myself to say it. “I shouldn’t have assumed you did anything to her. I just kept thinking about those books you like, and—”
Justin gives me a confused look. “What books?”
“Those detective books!” I counter, throwing up my hands. “About horrible men who stalk and torture women!”
“Jesus, Sydney.” Justin shakes his head with a laugh. “Do you know why I like those books?”
“I have no idea. I read two, and they both scared the absolute crap out of me,” I admit. Sure, they were fun to read, but I don’t think I’ve ever been so frightened by a piece of literature in my life.
“You don’t get it. You don’t read those books for the bad guys,” Justin tries to explain.
“I read them because the good guys always win. They always get the murderer, Syd. And they always rescue the victim.” He laughs.
“And frankly, those books—with their horrible men who stalk women and torture them? They’re not that different from the books you read. ”
Oh.
He’s not wrong.
“Wow,” I murmur, leaning against the wall and letting myself slide down a few inches. “I think I owe you a massive apology.”
Justin joins me, leaning back against the wall at my side. He chuckles. “Apology accepted.” Then he pulls his phone back out, showing it to me. “We’re going to get answers, Sydney. I promise you. We’ll get proof, and we’ll go to the cops, together.”
I let myself smile at that. Because I believe him. “Thanks. You know I love you, right?”
“To the moon and back?” Justin asks hopefully.
“Let’s not get carried away.”
He laughs. We stay like that for a few minutes, quietly enjoying each other’s company.
“You know what I miss?” I chew my lip, staring at the ceiling. “I miss when things were simple. Like when we were kids. Before…”
Before the accident. Before everything changed.
“I’m not sure things were ever simple,” Justin admits. “I think it just feels like that when you’re a kid.” He glances at me, out of the corner of his eye. “Speaking of complicated… How are things going with the, uh, boyfriends?”
“They’re not my boyfriends,” I mutter. I take a deep breath. “And nothing’s really changed. I’m still mad at them for lying to me, for keeping secrets. Even if they’re telling the truth, and Alec’s marriage isn’t real…”
“Isn’t there anyone who can verify that?” Justin asks. “I don’t know, someone you trust to tell you the truth about them?”
Is there?
“Maybe,” I admit softly. Seb would, wouldn’t he? He’s always been honest with me. “But it’s…”
“Complicated?” Justin guesses, with a lopsided grin.
I think about that kiss. How perfect it felt, how much I want to kiss him again.
“Yeah. It’s complicated,” I agree.