Chapter 31 – Sydney #2
As the last of it fades, I focus on my breathing, on the thunderous beating of my heart.
I don’t count to ten. I don’t try to calm my body or my mind, don’t try to wash away the dark with happy thoughts. For once, I let myself revel in it, feeling a strange mixture of power and shame. I let myself lie there, basking in it all.
His perfect little whore.
“Are you still there?” I ask when my breath returns to normal, and my body is my own again.
“I’m still here,” he answers quietly from the phone.
I lift it to my ear, switching the audio back to normal.
“You do this every time,” I say. “Wait for me to hang up. Don’t you?”
The pause is long.
“I do,” he admits.
I shift on the mattress, suddenly awkward. This is the first time we’ve actually spoken, afterwards. The first time I haven’t hung up on him after taking what I want.
“Why?” I ask.
“It just feels right to be here. In case you need me.”
“And if I never need you?” I ask, voice teasing.
“I’ll still wait,” he says. The sincerity in his voice makes my chest feel tight. “I’m a patient man, Sydney.”
“But you won’t wait forever.” The words tumble out of my mouth before I even realize I’m saying them. There’s a tremble of fear to my voice. “I keep pushing you away. All of you. And I just…”
I swallow hard. On the other end of the phone, Sebastian is silent, waiting.
“You won’t wait forever,” I finish.
“That worries you, doesn’t it?” I can hear the frown in his voice. “Do you think we’re going to disappear? That we’ll get sick of waiting for you?”
I don’t answer.
I can’t.
On the other end of the line, he sighs. “I told you. I’m a very patient man,” he says softly. His voice lowers, just an octave. “I can wait forever.”
My breath catches in my throat. He sounds completely sincere. And I believe him. In that moment, I believe he’d wait for me forever.
Fuck it.
Taking my phone, I stand, moving from my bedroom to the living room. The curtains here are open too, and I wonder if he’s watching. I move purposefully through my apartment until I’m standing at my door.
I stop.
“Sydney?” he asks, voice curious. “If you’re going for a walk, I’ll remind you that you’re nude. I can keep you safe, but I can’t guarantee there won’t be casualties.”
He sounds so nonchalant about it, like he’s joking. I doubt he is. If murdering someone were required to keep me safe, I know Sebastian wouldn’t hesitate. None of them would.
Reaching up I disengage the deadbolt.
It’s loud enough I know he hears it.
“The door is open, Doc,” I say softly into the phone.
Silence on the other end of the line. I can’t even hear him breathing.
“I’ve had enough space,” I tell him, before ending the call.
I turn my phone off, not caring about my alarm, not caring if I’m unreachable. Turning on my heel, I head back to my bedroom and switch off the light before climbing under the sheets.
In the darkness, my heartbeat is impossibly loud.
It takes him a long, long time to join me.
Long enough I wonder if he even will. Maybe this is a line he won’t ever cross. Maybe he’s happier being my dirty little secret, impossibly cold until the sun sets and I reach out to call him. Maybe that’s all he needs from me. All he really wants.
Lying in the dark, listening to the beating of my heart, I wish I could fall asleep. I want to escape into a world of dreams, forget that I’m waiting. I want to wake up to his hands on my body, his dirty words in my ear.
But I can’t. I’m almost frightened, trembling with anticipation as I wait.
And wait.
And wait.
When he finally comes, I don’t hear the door open. Only the heavy sound of the lock turning, followed by his steady measured steps as he makes his way to my bedroom.
This would be so much easier if I were asleep, I think, as my breathing spikes and I lie there, pretending I don’t hear him.
He undresses slowly, methodically, without a single word. By the time he finally pulls back the covers and crawls into bed with me, I’m practically shaking.
Earlier, I wanted Sebastian’s cruelty. I wanted that explosive rage simmering right under the surface, his demeaning words and his filthy tongue.
I don’t get what I want.
He gives me something infinitely better.
Sebastian’s hands are impossibly gentle as he rolls me toward him, hand cradling my cheek. His lips are feather light when he kisses me.
Underneath Sebastian’s mask, there’s a world of darkness. He’s shown me glimpses of it, fragments. But tonight? Tonight, he shows me something even more hidden.
Softness.
He takes his time, gently rolling over me until he’s settled between my legs. He waits for me to open to him, parting my lips and sliding my tongue into his mouth. He returns the gesture so softly, so sweetly, I feel every muscle in my body relax for him.
I’m already ready for him, soaking wet from my release, but still, he takes his time. Reaching down, he guides himself to my entrance, and slowly—so impossibly slowly—he pushes his way inside.
Every time I tense around him, he pauses, peppering my face and lips with those feather-soft kisses until I adjust to the sheer size of him and relax again. He’s patient and unhurried, our breath mingling together as we join.
By the time our hips finally meet, his entire length buried inside me, he’s shaking from the effort of it.
Then he begins to move.
I gasp as his hips roll against mine, wrapping my arms around his neck and shoulders, burying my hand in his hair. It feels like strands of silk between my fingers. He feels different inside me than any other man, an extra sensation I can’t understand. It’s wonderful. Intoxicating.
It gets even better when his hands slide down my body, one pinning my thigh higher on the bed to fuck me even deeper, and the other resting on my lower stomach. His thumb circles my clit, a light teasing pressure as he moves inside me.
Before Alec, before all four of these wonderfully dangerous men, I’d only known the barest hint of what it was to experience this sort of pleasure. Alec was the first man to fuck me—truly fuck me, possessing my body, my mind, my soul.
And Sebastian is the first man to make love to me in a way that feels like worship.
In the dark of my room, it’s hard to make out his face, especially his eyes, hidden behind glasses that are oddly reflective in the dim light.
But I know he’s watching me, feasting on my every reaction, every breath, every sound.
His entire focus is my body, his thumb pressing a little harder when I gasp, his hips moving a little deeper when I grip his hair tight. I’ve never felt so seen.
When the pressure between my legs begins to build to a crescendo, he suddenly rolls, grasping my hip and maneuvering me on top of him, straddling him.
I take over without any pause in our rhythm, hips gliding against his, moving myself against his hand, chasing my own pleasure.
My lips hover over his, not quite kissing, but close enough they can’t help but touch.
“Don’t stop,” I whisper against his lips, my hips moving faster. I can feel it coming, that beautiful release, and I need him with me.
“Never,” he promises. It’s the only thing he says to me, and he says it like prayer.
My hands on his chest push a little more as I pick up speed. Sebastian’s hips move with me, giving me everything I want, everything I never knew I needed.
When I come, with a gasp so soft it sounds like a song, I feel it in my every nerve. My entire body surges with it, a wave of sweet release that spirals out from my center and touches every part of me.
Beneath me, Sebastian’s hips crash into mine once more and still, his head arching back on the pillow with a single breathless groan. I feel every pulse of his cock as he fills me.
Neither of us says a word after. I collapse next to him on the bed, and he gathers me against him silently, wrapping his arms around me and folding me so my head rests on his chest and our legs intertwine.
I lay against him, sheltered in his arms, and listen to the rise and fall of his breath until sleep claims me, whisking me away to somewhere else entirely.