Chapter 10
Courtney
The number flashing on the screen of my phone is unfamiliar but I recognize the country code.
There’s no doubt in my mind it’s Lennox.
I suspected this would happen, and I’m more resigned than upset.
A little embarrassed because she and I used to be so close.
I owe her an explanation—and an apology.
“Hello?” I answer cautiously.
“Courtney? It’s me.”
“Hey.”
“How are you?”
“Eh, I’m sure you’ve heard all the gossip, so you know I’m not great.”
“I wish you’d trusted me.”
“I couldn’t tell you a secret that would force you to lie to your husband.”
She sighs. “I know but… this is a big deal. I mean, you had a baby.”
“His name is Micah.”
“Daniil’s son. Our children are now first cousins.”
For some reason, that makes me want to cry.
“So talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”
“Didn’t you already hear all about it?”
“I know the basics of what happened up until Daniil found out about Micah. But I don’t know what’s happening now. Present tense. Between the two of you.”
“Nothing. I mean, he’s here in Vegas. He called me this morning asking if we could talk. He’s coming over for dinner.”
“And?”
“And what? I can’t stop him from filing for custody or whatever he’s going to do. I just have to figure out how to protect Micah no matter what he decides.”
“You make it sound like Daniil won’t take your concerns into consideration.”
“Come on, we both know these guys. Rich, powerful men—he’s never going to let me keep his son from him.
I’m going to have to compromise, giving him visitation or partial custody or whatever.
I don’t like it, but I’m not stupid. I don’t have the means to stop him.
His position and wealth pretty much mean he can do whatever he wants. ”
She’s quiet for a beat too long.
“What?” I ask, a little irritated.
“Is that what you think of me? My husband? My family?”
“I can’t speak for you,” I say. “I’m not hopelessly in love or—”
“Hopelessly? That’s not how I would describe how I feel about my husband. He loves me and our boys more than anything.”
“Not more than protecting the royal family. I was there the night you almost died, Lennox. You can’t sugarcoat this.”
“That’s not fair. He wasn’t even there.”
“But if he had been, he still would have gotten Casey to safety first.”
“He would have saved us both. Or died trying. That’s who my husband is. He would have carried me while ushering Casey and Levi out of the tunnels.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely.”
“And what if he couldn’t? It took him and I together to get you out of there.”
“I don’t know,” she admits. “But Casey would have helped in any way she could.”
“She was carrying the baby.”
“Why do you want to fight about this?” she asks after a moment.
“I don’t. I’m just pointing out a reality you don’t see because you love him. And you’re also a Royal Protector. I just don’t see myself in your shoes. I can’t be with a man who puts someone else’s safety before mine. Before that of our kids.”
“I think you’re selling them short. And yourself.”
“Regardless, I don’t love Daniil.”
I lust after him, but I was never in love with him. At least, I don’t think so.
“Could you?”
“It doesn’t matter. I’m never going to find out because it would be a lesson in futility. I can’t be you. I’ll never swear an oath to the royal family, and that’s the only way we could be together.”
“You wouldn’t have to be a Royal Protector to love him. Elen isn’t. Ace’s wife Shannon isn’t.”
“I know but Xander and Ace aren’t royalty. Daniil is. I would be a princess, and that’s not for me.”
“How do you know?”
“What?”
“How. Do. You. Know.” She speaks slowly. “You haven’t even tried. Haven’t even gone out on a real date with him. Haven’t given it a chance. Maybe you’d like it. I didn’t think it was for me, but look at me now.”
“I might like him or even being a princess,” I admit grudgingly. “But I’ll never be okay with the life.”
She sighs. “Will you come to visit? See the twins? See me?”
“I’m not sure when, but I will eventually.”
“All right.” Another hesitation. “Will you keep in touch?”
“Do you want me to?”
“Of course I do! We can disagree on some things and still be friends.”
“I’m sorry, Lennox. For everything. I know I was a shitty friend.”
“You’re a good friend,” she counters. “I understand that you would have been putting me in a terrible situation with my husband if you’d confided in me. I get that.”
“Then we’ll talk soon.”
I hang up and stare at the phone for a while.
Micah is napping, and I’m making dinner for Daniil. Nothing fancy. Beef stroganoff in the crock pot, over noodles, with a salad and ice cream with fruit for dessert. Simple American fare. I have no idea what he likes to eat.
Hell, I know very little about him other than what he likes in bed.
I’m quite well-versed in how he likes to fuck. What his naked body looks like. The scar on his hip from a knife fight with the Bojovnik Brat. How his eyes turn cerulean when he’s aroused. The sounds he makes when he’s turned on. How easy it is for him to get me off.
I know those things, but I don’t know if he prefers beer or wine. How old he was when he learned to drive. If he has a favorite movie or rock band. I don’t even know if he likes the name Micah.
And it feels like those are things I should know.
For Micah’s sake if not for my own. I had a baby with a virtual stranger.
It still feels surreal sometimes. Everything is going to change now that he found out about the baby, and as much as that scares me, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it’s a little bit exciting too.
If I take Micah out of the equation, Daniil is the kind of man who knows what he wants and takes it.
He’s strong—both literally and figuratively—and exudes power, wealth, and self-assurance.
The time we spent together was…other-worldly.
From the mind-blowing sex to the way it felt to dance with him.
The way other women looked at me as we held hands strolling through the palace. The envy in their eyes.
None of it should have been romantic but he made it feel that way. Flowers, champagne, gourmet meals—it was all there, buried under the most intense sexual relationship I’ve ever had. We made no promises, and I slipped away without looking back, but that doesn’t mean I forgot.
Back then, I was protecting my heart.
Who wouldn’t want to fall in love with a gorgeous, interesting, wealthy prince who made me come so many times I nearly blacked out?
Some of his antics were a little out of my comfort zone but I was willing to play along because I had no intention of seeing him again—and they were unfulfilled fantasies anyway.
When Lennox invited me to the palace to be with her during the birth of the twins, I figured I could hang on to my heart through a few more romps in the hay. I minimized my attraction to the man by pretending it was just sex.
Then the attack happened, and I realized that no matter what went on between us, I could never live that life.
Be second fiddle to an oath he took. To say I was traumatized by leaving Lennox in the tunnel that day is an understatement.
I did what was expected because she begged me to.
Her oath is important to her, just like the one I took when I joined the marines. But that was different.
And when I discovered I was pregnant, I retired because I would never put my job before my child. I knew it then and I know it now.
So, no matter how convenient it might become, or how sweet he is, I have to keep a tight grip on my heart where Daniil is concerned.
We can never, ever be together.
And that breaks my heart a little anyway.
For Micah and for myself.
He’ll never have a regular family, with a mom and dad, maybe some siblings. I selfishly can’t risk it, and that’s one thing I can’t protect him from.