Chapter Fourteen #3
The room was full of Darcy’s friends, some of whom Elizabeth had met.
An earl’s heir flirted rather half-heartedly with the woman beside him, the daughter of a marquess.
Two viscounts, one with his viscountess on his arm, were valiantly attempting to appear interested in the music.
A bishop nodded off in the back row, his head resting on the shoulder of his wife, who was uncomfortably ignoring it.
An admiral fiddled with his cuff, not troubling to hide his disinterest. But his wife was entranced by the music, as was a man who owned a shipping empire.
Everyone wore the finest fabrics, scrupulously and expensively tailored.
Elizabeth’s gown was modest by comparison—and she only owned it thanks to Lady Sterling.
Two rows in front of Elizabeth, Miss Bingley ingratiated herself with a baron’s son and daughter.
Briefly, Elizabeth understood the woman’s unhappiness that her brother had chosen Jane for his bride.
With their relatively new fortune, Miss Bingley wanted the family to advance socially, and the Bennets could not help achieve that goal.
Elizabeth did not agree with Lady Catherine about the importance of blood and breeding, but in a room like this, she could better understand it. She lived in a different world from William.
Elizabeth experienced a fierce wave of longing to be home. She did not belong here, in this world, where she was always unsure of her place. How comforting to be at Longbourn! And it was in Elizabeth’s reach. She would explain everything to William after the musicale ended.
During the second half of the program, a professional singer performed Italian arias. Elizabeth did not understand the words but appreciated the woman’s lovely voice. The powerful emotions helped distract her from her melancholy.
When the music ended, Elizabeth quickly made her way to the front of the room.
She gave Miss Darcy some well-deserved compliments.
Then she sought William, hoping for a private moment with him.
He was in the midst of a lively discussion over translating words in one of the arias.
“Clearly in this line he is speaking to the woman he loves,” Lady Julia opined, peering at a page in the printed program.
Miss Bingley shook her head vigorously and pointed to the program. “But look at the next line. I think he is employing a plural ‘you,’ not a formal one.”
As Elizabeth approached, they all glanced up. Lady Julia smiled at her. “Miss Elizabeth, perhaps you can solve this debate for us. The Italian grammar is perplexing.”
William shook his head. “Elizabeth does not know Italian. But Georgiana’s Italian is excellent. You should consult her.”
“Yes, she is quite proficient,” Elizabeth said faintly.
The two women turned in Georgiana’s direction, but not before Miss Bingley smirked at Elizabeth. As they left, William glanced at Elizabeth, but she waved him away, and he followed the ladies. Her mission hardly seemed consequential anymore.
She quickly made her way out of the music room.
Lady Sterling’s carriage would be waiting.
Elizabeth knew William had not meant to slight her by observing that she did not know Italian.
It was merely a fact. Naturally, he was proud of his sister’s accomplishments.
Elizabeth knew it to be true; Miss Darcy had translated one of the songs for Elizabeth before the start of the musicale.
But somehow William’s words felt like…betrayal.
He had drawn attention to the gulf between her and women who received fine educations. Elizabeth shrank in on herself, hoping not to be noticed as she moved through the crowd. Once she returned to Sterling House, she could lick her wounds in private.
I allowed myself to forget that I am only visiting this glittering world.
It is not mine. She had been pretending to belong to this world, but its inhabitants would always remember that she did not quite belong.
This had been only a brief interlude in her life.
It was like an elegant ball: enjoyable while it lasted but always destined to end.
Elizabeth had believed she had more time, but she could not stand to remain for one more day. The ball had ended.
I am not part of his world. I will never be part of his world.
Her false engagement and friendship with William had offered glimpses of companionship, a relief from loneliness. But it was an illusion. Everything was pretense.
I am that foolish creature: the performer who had started to believe her own lie. I should return to Longbourn with Jane. That is where I belong. There is no need to discuss it with William.
It would only interrupt his happiness to now involve him in a tedious discussion when Elizabeth had already made her decision. It would be better for both of them if she simply returned home.
Before she quitted the room, Elizabeth looked over her shoulder. William was deep in conversation with Lady Julia and Miss Bingley while Georgiana observed.
Her eyes drank in the sight of him. Then she hurried through the door.