Chapter 79 If You Can’t Play Nice, Play Hockey
IF YOU CAN’T PLAY NICE, PLAY HOCKEY.
brIAR
Sometime in the early afternoon, Remi-sized snow boots appear on the mat beside the back door of the cabin. Pink snow boots. I notice them as I’m coming up the stairs after Remi’s nap.
The house is quiet.
Liam and Aidan are out playing hockey on the lake, and I’m not sure where Rory is.
I pick the boots up, looking them over.
“Are those for me?”
I jump, realizing Remi is right under me. I thought she was still across the room.
“Umm, I think so?” I can’t think of another reason tiny pink snow boots would suddenly just appear.
“Can we go outside and play?” Remi’s jumping up and down at the thought. It’s been a few days, and as much fun as she’s having at the house, she’s been near desperate to go outside and play in the snow.
I hesitate, my eyes lifting to find a matching pink winter jacket on the hook.
“Please, please, please, pleaseeeeeee,” Remi persists, until I finally sigh out a yes.
Grabbing the coat and boots, I bring her back downstairs and get her dressed.
While she’s admiring the adorable new winter footwear on her feet, I find my sneakers.
Rory was nice enough to lend me some clothes to wear, so I have on her leggings and sweater, but I don’t have a jacket.
I pick up the hoodie Koen gave me back at the warehouse and pull it on.
“Okay,” I tell Remi, before unlocking the sliding door out to the stone patio behind the house.
“But just for a few minutes, okay?” She nods in agreement.
The jacket and boots are a good start, but she still doesn’t have gloves or a hat, and it’s cold.
An icy blast of winter air catches me right in the face as I pull the door open and I tuck my fingers further into the sleeves of Koen’s sweatshirt.
I shiver watching Remi run straight for the snow, laughing while she jumps up and down in the soft, white, fluff. After a few minutes of playing happily, she notices the guys down on the lake.
“Mom, look! Hockey!” I glance down the hill. Aidan and Liam have shoveled out a clearing and dragged a hockey goal out onto the lake, and are skating around, shooting pucks.
By the time I see her running, she’s already too far ahead of me.
“Remi, no!”
I take off after her, but for having such little legs, Remi is goddamn fast, charging full speed ahead for the lake, and my sneakers keep slipping in the snow.
Aidan and Liam hear the commotion and look our way, seeing the little pink blur flying at them down the hill. Liam pushes forward on his skates, intercepting her at the edge of the lake just before she careens out onto the ice.
“Princess Remi! What do you think you’re doing?”
“I wanna play! Can I play? Liam pleaseeeeee! I love hockey!”
“You do?” Liam asks, eyebrows lifting in surprise. He looks up at me when I finally catch up to them, fighting to catch my breath.
“It’s new,” I explain. “She just got back from New York. My friend’s brothers play, and I guess she fell in love.”
Koen’s youngest brother’s eyes light up. “There’s a youth league at the Edge Arena that Aidan and I help with sometimes. You should sign her up!”
“Umm, yeah, maybe,” I say, shifting uncomfortably, still uncertain what the near-distant future looks like for me.
“But can I play now? With you and Aidan?” Remi pleads with him.
The other O’Rourke brother leans on his stick a few feet behind Liam, watching us.
“It’s okay with me, but we gotta ask your ma…” Two sets of green eyes flick up to me, and I’m surprised that Liam would even care to ask my opinion.
I squat down until I’m at Remi’s level. “You don’t have any skates, Rem…” I wince, certain we’re heading straight for a tantrum.
But before Remi can cue the tears, Liam pipes up. “No, we do! Back up at the house.”
Confused, my eyes shift to him, but before I can question it, he’s unlacing his own skates and leading us back up the hill.
Liam guides us through the house and up two flights of stairs to a small room on the second floor that has shopping bags covering just about every surface.
He rummages through the mess, snatching up a bag with Power Hockey printed on the side, and pulls out a brand new pair of hockey skates. Teeny-tiny hockey skates.
“Here we are.” He hands the skates to my daughter, who takes them from him with a look on her face like he just gave her the world.
“Where did those—?”
“There’s probably a helmet around here somewhere too,” Liam says absently, scratching his head, poking through some more bags. “Maybe even pads, if I know Koen…”
“Koen?” I can’t hold in my gasp. “All of this is from Koen?” I’d just asked him for stuff for her this morning… And I certainly didn’t ask for all of this.
“Mom, look!” Remi’s eyes light up as she drags a pink helmet out of a bag by the edge of the bed, holding it up for me to see.
Liam looks up, catching the expression on my face for the first time, and he just smirks. “Yep,” he says with a nod of approval while he appraises the pile with me. “He may have gone a little overboard…”
“A little?” I say, looking it all over.
Liam laughs and then changes the subject. “So this is the guest room. Apologies for not setting you guys up in here right off the bat. I thought Koen would have wanted you in his room, but, alas…” His green eyes sparkle with mischief, and mine narrow. “So if you guys want to move up here…”
“Yes,” I say, almost too eagerly, anxious to get out of Koen’s space.
“I can take Remi off your hands for an hour or two if you want to get… unpacked?”
I look around, suddenly anxious at the thought of being separated from Remi, although Liam has looked after her before.
Sensing my hesitation, he points to the large window overlooking the lake. “You can see us from here. But you’re more than welcome to come hang out—or skate, if you want?”
“I don’t know how.”
“You don’t know how?” Liam blinks at me like I just told him pigs fly or something.
I ignore him, eyeing the great expanse of ice warily. “Is it safe?”
“The lake?”
I nod.
“Oh yeah, four inches solid—gotta be careful about some of the hot springs out in the middle though…” He laughs to himself. “Rory learned that the hard way.”
My eyes widen, and he immediately backpedals.
“Er—you have nothing to worry about. She’ll be perfectly safe. Promise.”
“I don’t know—” I look between him, Remi, and the lake, but the way Remi’s looking at me…
“Okay,” I sigh, and they both shout, “Yes!”
Liam digs out a pair of hockey gloves and pads, to go along with the skates and helmet, before they head outside. I stand, watching them like a hawk from the guest room window for another solid thirty minutes.
While Liam gets Remi geared up, Aidan goes and retrieves a contraption—two milk crates that look to be zip-tied together—from the garage, that Remi’s now pushing around the ice on her own.
The crate gives her stability but still allows her to tear around the ice like a maniac.
She’s crashed a lot.
The first time nearly gave me a heart attack, but before I could race down there, she was back on her feet, laughing, careening around with the milk crates until crashing again twenty seconds later.
Having the time of her life.
Finally, content that Remi is safe outside, I turn my attention to the bags.
So many bags.
There are clothes for Remi, toys, games, and clothes for me… he thought of everything.
Glancing out the window, I laugh when I spy Remi practicing her checking skills on Liam and Aidan. Both dramatically fall to the ground when she hits them, and I can almost hear her laugh.
After I put everything away, I take a deep breath and head back downstairs to grab the few things we have in Koen’s room, but I freeze when I cross the threshold.
Koen is sitting on the bed, elbows on his knees, watching Remi on the lake outside with his brothers.
He doesn’t turn, but I know he’s aware I’m behind him, and for a while, neither of us says anything. We just watch our daughter play, smiling and laughing, on the ice below.
“You kept her from me,” he says after a while. His voice is… sad.
I swallow hard, mentally preparing myself to have the conversation I know we need to.
“I did what I had to do.”
He turns toward me. “What you had to do? You had my child and didn’t think I deserved to know?
” He rises off the bed. “I would have protected you both, but instead you hid her, you hid her from me.” His dark eyes burn into mine.
“What gave you the right to decide for me? You had no right, no fucking right, three birthdays, her first steps, her first words—all gone.”
I search his face—his eyes—but for the first time, I don’t see anger; I see grief. Tears threaten the corners of my eyes.
“I tried to tell you, but you left.”
He scoffs, glaring at me, but I continue, “You pushed me away, remember?”
“I was protecting you; I didn’t know she existed!” he shouts.
“And that’s not my fault!” I shout right back, and we both stare at each other, chests heaving.
“Koen, you made it very clear you didn’t want me… why would I ever think you’d want her?”
He just shakes his head, looking anywhere but at me, turning away and pacing the room, as he fights to maintain control over his emotions.
“What was I supposed to do? You were gone; I was nineteen, I was alone, and I was terrified. This isn’t a fairy tale, remember?
” I say quietly, and he stops, his eyes darkening.
“When I found out your name, found out who you were, what you were capable of… I made a choice and I’m sorry—I’m sorry that I got it wrong, but I thought I was protecting her.
And I did try. I tried to tell you—once.
I didn’t know your name, or have your number, so I went back to Last Call after I found out I was pregnant…
looking for you, only to be told you were with your fiancée in Ireland. ”
His gaze sharpens. “You’re lying. I was never engaged.”
“Why would I lie about that?” I give him a hard look. “You know what? Ask Liam; he was there that day in the club."
“Because you lie about everything—you were selling us out to Giovanni the whole goddamn time!”
“No, I wasn’t!” I almost scream. “It started with money. I had to borrow it from him because I got behind on bills, but the interest rate was impossible, and before I knew it, I was working at the club to try to catch up, and then that night at Wonderland happened and I saw something I shouldn’t and…
he made me spy on you, but I swear, I did what I could to protect you—your family, but when I found out they were going after Liam…
” Tears start to fall and my voice breaks.
“I tried to fix it… I tried to make it right…”
“You can’t fix this, Briar! You still betrayed me. I will never be able to trust you again, and there’s no coming back from that. What can’t you understand?”
“I didn’t have a choice!”
“Stop fucking saying that!”
“They were going to hurt Remi!” I scream.
Koen goes very, very still, and he steps toward me, slow, deliberate, his eyes are darker than I’ve ever seen them when he says, “Who?”