Chapter 82
YOURS
KOEN
My brothers brought both Remi and Briar back to the loft in Boston, and after a quick shower, I find Remi sleeping peacefully in the guest bedroom.
Briar is keeping a quiet vigil. She’s dragged the armchair over to the side of the bed, and there she sits, resting her head on the edge of the mattress, silently watching the rise and fall of Remi’s chest.
Standing in the doorway, I watch them both for a minute or two before I speak.
“How’s she doing?”
Briar startles at the sound of my voice, and her eyes are cool when they take in my shadowed form half lurking in the hall.
“You left.” There’s a trace of accusation in her tone, and hurt shines in her eyes.
“I had business to attend to.”
“Right.” She looks away from me.
“Can we talk?”
She shifts uncomfortably.
“Privately?” I add, looking over a sleeping Remi, not wanting to wake her up.
“I don’t know,” she hesitates, “I don’t want to leave her…”
“I’ll have Liam sit with her. Give you a break? You need sleep, too, Briar.”
For a second, I think she might fight me on it, but to my surprise, she relents, trailing me out of the room. She must be more exhausted than I thought.
“Meet me in my room,” I murmur, as I stop at Liam’s door.
She nods absently, walking past me, her eyes heavy.
A few minutes later, I walk into my bedroom.
Briar’s standing in the middle of it, looking out at the city, her arms wrapped around herself. She’s still wearing my hoodie, the one she had on earlier today.
I move closer, reaching out to touch her cheek, but she flinches away from me. A deep, unfiltered and raw pain tears through me at what I’ve done. I became the monster she always thought I was.
“I’m sorry.”
Her gaze snaps up, and she just stares back at me as if in disbelief of the words she’s hearing come out of my mouth.
I risk taking a step closer, moving slowly, not wanting to scare her.
“Truth or dare?”
She just stares at me.
“Truth or dare, Briar Rose?” I say, softer this time.
“Truth,” she whispers, wrapping her arms tighter around herself, curling her fingers into the frayed edges of her hoodie. My hoodie.
“Why?”
She swallows hard, her eyes darting around, marking the exits.
“Why did you give us up to Giovanni?”
She inhales a deep breath, steeling herself against me.
“Why, Briar?” My voice raises in volume, and she jumps. My heart constricts, and I say, softer this time, “I need to know, Briar Rose, please.”
She nods stoically, letting out a shaky breath. “I had to make a choice… he was going to hurt her; it was you or Remi, and in this, there was no choice. I had to do it, Koen, I’m sorr—“
I step forward, pressing my palm over her mouth, feeling her tremble under my fingertips, her eyes shining bright in the moonlight.
“I never want to hear you say that again.”
Tears fill her eyes, but I don’t stop.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, do you hear me? You protected your daughter—our child… it’s all you’ve ever done. You did everything you could to keep her safe—even from me.”
Tears leak down her cheeks, wetting my hand, and I pull it away to kiss the top of her forehead, holding her face in my hands.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“But I kept her a secret—”
I shake my head. “You kept her safe.” I stare into her eyes, brushing her hair out of her face. “And I can’t hate you for that.”
Her breath shudders, and she looks up at me.
“I was wrong—about all of it. I didn’t listen, I didn’t even try to understand, and I punished you, god, I—” I rub my hand down my face, remembering how I held that gun to her head in the woods.
I lower myself and my knees hit the ground. I look up and watch as silent tears leak down her cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” I repeat, hanging my head, my forehead falls against her stomach, holding her to me one last time before I let her go. “I can’t take it back—what I did—how I treated you when I should have been protecting you…”
I pull back from her, letting my hands fall away.
“If you want to go… if you want to take her…” I choke on the words, but force them out anyway, “I’ll let you go.
” I swallow hard. “Anything you need, wherever you want to go, I’ll take care of it.
No threats, no guards, no dark shadow watching you—haunting you in the night.
I won’t force this on you if you don’t want it. If you want me to stay away… I will.”
Briar’s red-rimmed eyes burn into mine.
“But that’s not what I want,” I whisper to her, shaking my head and trying to keep my composure.
“I want you. I’ve always wanted you. I want you by my side and tangled in my sheets.
I want it to be me you run to when you’re scared or overwhelmed.
I want to be there for you, and I want to be there for Remi.
In every way I should have been from the start.
” My throat locks and I drop my gaze. “I missed so much, and I can’t get that back, but I want to try.
I want to hear her adorable little laugh every morning when I wake up.
I want to be the one who gets her to smile when she’s sad.
I want to tie her skates and teach her a proper slap shot, and god, I might be shit at it but…
I just—I want to be her dad.” My eyes flick up to meet Briar’s. “If you’ll let me?”
She’s got a hand pressed to her mouth, trying to stifle the sound of the choked sob as it rips through her, but I can’t stand it, and in another second I’m on my feet, with my arms around her.
Briar buries her face in my chest, tears falling freely now, but she’s holding on to me tight; something inside of me breaks, and I feel a tear slip away.
“I’m here,” I whisper, my voice breaking, wishing with all I have that she doesn’t push me away. “I’m here, baby, and I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me to.”
“No,” she says, and at the sound of the word, my spine goes rigid; my hands shake slightly when I draw back from her but without letting go, searching her face.
“I don’t want you to go.” Her fingers curl into the fabric of my shirt. “I want you to stay.”
“Are you sure? After everything… you don’t have to decide right now.”
She just looks at me, fingers locked in my shirt when she says, “I’m sure. I want you.” Her eyes search mine. “You. I just want you.”
I lean down and kiss her gently, holding my lips to hers as long as I dare before picking her up, carrying her over to my bed, and laying down with Briar on top of me.
She’s exhausted, she needs sleep, but I don’t want to let her go.
So I hold her, running my fingers through her hair until her breaths come even and her grip on my shirt loosens.
“I’m yours, baby, I’m all yours.”