25. Chapter 25
Chapter twenty-five
I haven’t ceded control to anyone in a very, very long time. The last time was Lawrence. I hate to even have that man’s name in my head when I’m with TJ. I never thought I would ever want anyone to control me again. And TJ didn’t really take control. Not the way I was prepared to let him. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll do it this way again sometime.
That would require that TJ remain in my life and dammit…I’m trying so very hard not to allow myself to want that. Not to allow myself to entertain the thought, even. That’s how hearts get broken. How hearts get torn out, ripped from the chest, the arteries bled dry and the whole thing tossed to the ground and stomped into shattered bits.
TJ isn’t the man who did that to me. He was right tonight when he reminded me of that. Maybe it is time to give him a chance. He was here tonight, and I loved having him by my side. It surprised me how much I needed it.
And having him watching me play…seeing the pride in his eyes at the concert. I’ve never had that from anyone other than Fynn and my parents.
He’s come twice now. Once at the literal hands of Fynn and then my mouth.
“Shower?”
He grins. “Recovery shower?”
I grin back at him. “How about some water and then shower and it can be any kind of shower you want it to be.”
“I’m still in charge?” he asks, bending over to pick up his briefs, and then thinking better of that idea. Better because I prefer him naked. Especially when I’m not.
“You are,” I say. “For as long as you want to be.” I’d be willing to say he can always be in charge in this apartment if he wants. The club. The club will always be my domain. Always.
He eyes me, and I chuckle, heading to the kitchen. He may not be thirsty, but I am.
I pour him a glass and he chugs it down, as do I. He’s gone quiet.
“Are you okay?”
“Huh?”
“You, TJ, are you okay? Was that not what you expected? Wanted?” I’m momentarily concerned that maybe he isn’t up for this. Maybe the man thing isn’t for him. He’s going to tell me he has changed his mind. Experiment over. But he stayed naked. He chose not to cover up. That means…. what?
“I’m way better than okay,” TJ says and slides up next to me, pressing his naked body against my still mostly clothed one. “But is it okay if I’d rather not be in charge? Not tonight anyway?”
Oh my.
“It’s just, well, this is all new to me…and I like letting you take over. There is something very freeing allowing someone else to take control of this. Take control of me.”
I exhale, my cock hardening by the second with his words. He didn’t fully take control of the blow job. I encouraged him to fuck my mouth, and he did, but I could tell when the sensations took over and he could no longer think. So, my mouth fucked him. And oh man, was that a pleasure I haven’t ever felt. When was the last time I gave a blow job?
Certainly, I’ve given Fynn one or two recently, right? But I can’t recall. I don’t recall a lot of the things I do with Fynn, not because I don’t enjoy being with him. I very much do. I like how well he knows me. How little instruction I have to offer and how willing he is to cede to whatever type of submission I require on any occasion. But Fynn and I are just friends with benefits. It’s transactional. He has Derek for the really fun stuff.
I take TJ’s hand in mine and kiss his shoulder, working my way across to his collarbone and then throat and up to his ear. I nibble on the lobe, and he lets out a soft moan.
“I could get very used to those lips all over me,” he says.
I grin and nibble again.
“Let’s go shower.” I pull him away from the kitchen island, fingers twined together, and lead him into the bathroom.
“Undress me,” I order.
He does not hesitate and the flare in his eyes at the sternness in my voice tells me this really is what he wants. He wants to be given instructions. Not instructions. Orders. And he very much wants to comply.
His hands unbutton my shirt—his shirt and he floats it down my shoulders. To my surprise, he follows it down to the floor, so he is on his knees before me. Kneeling before the tent barely contained in my pants—his pants.
“Why is it so damn sexy seeing you in my clothes?”
I laugh. I think about his first night here in this apartment. Him wearing my clothes. It was different then. The mood. The reason. “I don’t know, but it’s pretty damn sexy wearing them, too.”
TJ unbuttons the pants, and slowly unzips, but doesn’t free my aching cock that is reaching for him as best it can while still confined by my briefs. TJ lets his hands travel down my legs, his fingertips bringing goosebumps to my entire body as he floats them across my skin. I step out of the trousers and wait while he places his hands behind my calves and squeezes. The kisses begin on the inside of my thigh, and he nudges my legs apart to gain better access.
“I thought I was supposed to be in charge,” I laugh and stroke my hands through his hair.
“Is that a complaint? Should I stop, sir? ”
“You’ll be punished if you do.”
TJ looks up from under his lashes and bites his lower lip. “Hmmm…”
I smile again. I’m intrigued by his desire to push these boundaries. His desire for a safe word earlier…well we just might need to get to that. I will remind him he can say stop at any time. But I also don’t intend to go too far tonight. I just want to play with this man. I want to make him feel good. I want to make his desire to be with a man worth it. And I want inside of him. Badly.
He returns to his thigh kisses and nibbles and when he gets to my briefs; he nuzzles his nose against my fabric covered balls and inhales deeply, groaning in pleasure, sending a surge of heat through my body and flooding my already engorged cock.
“Take it out and do that again,” I snap. My hands clutching his hair. He shoves the briefs down now. No longer careful. I kick them off of my feet and place TJ’s face at my cock again.
He dodges the bouncing rod and does exactly as I demanded, places his nose and face between my legs, nuzzling against my balls and inhaling deeply.
Damn, that’s good. He lets his stubbly cheek scratch the side of my cock as he brings his face forward. He licks. He places his tongue along the base and licks the vein, and I can’t contain the little growl that escapes my mouth. He’s never done this before; I have to remind myself. Could have fooled me.
He looks to me, seeking approval and oh man, does he ever have it.
“Carry on,” I say, all the while, my hand remains loosely fisted in his thick hair, prepared to tighten the grip if I feel the need. Right now…this is all I need. Everything I need.
He paid attention during the blissful blow job I gave him, because he is continuing that languid lick along the vein and then lets my cock come to rest on his flattened-out tongue before he flicks the slit and wraps his lips around me.
“Fuuuuuckkk,” I hiss. I let him have the pace. He sucks me in slowly at first. It’s torture. Beautiful, mind-bending torture. I move my hips slightly, heading deeper to the back of his throat. He’s never done this before, virgin, virgin, virgin.
I’m not fragile, he told me.
But scaring him off before I even get near that ass of his is not what I want.
I move in and out slowly, reveling in the sounds of his licks and sucks and grunts. I’m so close to coming. He grabs my ass and pulls me close…then he does something unexpected. He pulls off of my cock with a soft pop and rocks back on his heels, clasps his hands behind his back and looks at me, mouth open, waiting….
“Do it,” he says. “Fuck my mouth…come down my throat…”
He doesn’t have to ask me again. My body is thrumming with excitement and the need, need , to come down this man’s throat. How long have I dreamed about this man’s mouth on me? I never imagined I would allow it, ever, and then when the friendship blossomed instead…well it was just a dream…a fantasy…. his mouth is the one I feel when close my eyes and Fynn sucks me off at the club. Fynn knows that.
But the real thing…TJ here in my bathroom asking me, pleading with me to fuck his face…I thrust into him again, hard…I hear him sputter slightly but he stays put, and receives my cock like he was born for it. Like he’s done it a thousand times before. I keep pumping…not letting him even think about his virgin status. Not letting myself think about it, either. Tears fill his eyes. One escapes down his cheek as I pump into him furiously, ready to unload into him…he will swallow. He won’t hesitate.
His eyes find mine again and his are glowing. Dark with lust and desire, sparkling with excitement. The orgasm stirs in my stomach and shoots to my balls, and I let go. I give him no warning because the orgasm gave me none…damn…. I grunt and watch as his cheeks suck and he slurps and I feel the pulses release.
For a moment I feel like it’s too much for him…sensing I might pull away he reaches a hand around and grabs my ass to hold me steady…I smile and let him finish sucking and licking and milking me dry and when I feel sufficiently empty, I pull out of his mouth slowly, his tongue darts out to the give my slit one more lick before he lets my cock go and swallows again. I watch his throat and drop to my knees. Placing my hands on his cheeks, I pull his face to mine and kiss him. My tongue searches all the recesses of his mouth for any bit of my come he might not have swallowed yet. I want it all. Tasting myself on him, in his mouth…. so, so good.