31. Chapter 31
Chapter thirty-one
Rowan hasn’t called. Not a shocker. I doubt dad told him to. He picks up on the first ring.
“Hey, how was the ice cream?”
“Ice cream?” Rowan says.
“Dad said you took your mom out…she was having a good day…”
“Oh, yeah…hang on….”
I hear shuffling and the closing of a door and then whispering. It takes a moment for me to realize he is whispering to me.
“Can you hear me?”
“Barely. What the hell is going on, Rowan?” My heart is in my throat. “Where are you, Ro?” I hear more shuffling.
“Are you gay?”
I haven’t thought about how to address that yet. I’m attracted to Nandy. I had sex with Nandy. Best sex of my life with Nandy. And Fynn. I’m drawn to him. Feel a bond with him. I want them both in my life. They both are in my life now. Gay? Bisexual? Does there have to be a definition? I remember when Brady called us all together to announce he, Levi, and Devyn are in a relationship. All three of them. He didn’t want to get caught up in labels. He said Devyn and Levi are his whole world.
Nandy and Fynn…my whole world?
This is my half-brother asking. And I’m happy to give him an answer. I just don’t really know what that answer is.
“Why do you ask?” I deflect.
“Because dad said you are… you’ve been hanging out with that violinist, and I won’t even repeat the names he called him. And then there was the photo of you with that other guy. The other guy looks gay too and you have your arm around him… Dad also said I can’t be around you anymore if you are a fa—”
“Don’t you ever, ever say that word, ever!”
He hasn’t says anything about refusing my money, that’s for sure. But he knew I would flip a lid if he told me I’m not allowed to talk to Rowen, so he lied. Told me he was out with his mom.
“Where are you?”
“I’m home, up in my room, watching out the window, so if I have to hang up really quick, that’s why.”
“Why would you have to hang up?” I don’t need him to answer. I know our damn father. Well, this is absolute bullshit.
“He says that team has corrupted you, turned you into a homo.”
Bile rises in my throat.
“And he just pulled in. I gotta go…”
Just like that, the line goes dead. It honestly never occurred to me people would notice Nandy and I. I also don’t care. But when it affects my baby brother, I care a hell of a lot. I always worried about leaving him there with Dad…. but I had no choice. I knew he would never leave his mom, and she…well, she is caught in dad’s web and her health is failing, rapidly.
I’m only his half-brother. I’m a professional athlete with a ridiculous travel schedule and a reputation that doesn’t exactly scream parent or sibling of the year. I made sure he had money. They had money. Years ago, I gave dad enough to start his own mechanic shop. Thought it would help him out after my mom died. Give him some purpose. The few fond memories I have of him involve cars. Hanging out in the garage at the house covered in oil and grease as he joyously taught me all the inner workings of a ‘55 Chevy Bel Air. He smiled a lot when we did that. I was too young to know the drinking had already started. Too young to know the fights with Mom were not just everyday arguments.
As a kid, I even thought I wanted to be like him. Be able to take a hunk of junk machine and make it shine.
I gave him money to start a business. He did, then he lost it in a poker game. He can’t hold down a job because of his temper and drinking. It’s harder than I ever imagined proving abuse to a court, especially when it isn’t always physical. Emotional abuse is worse, more damaging. Harder to recover from. Rowan wouldn’t report him. He was always afraid of him hurting his mom. And he could never convince her to leave. So they stayed. Rowan stayed complacent. Did all the good son things. Didn’t ruffle any feathers anywhere. Doted on his mom. Now this…shit, what have I done? Making his life harder was never my plan. Hell, none of this was a plan.
Did I not try hard enough? I’ve talked to lawyers. I’ve tucked away money. My best solution seemed to be to take the brunt of dad’s wrath as best I could from afar. The phone calls. The constant verbal abuse. Telling me I’m not good enough. I should be playing better. Playing more.
I want Rowan out of there. Out of that house. My father has put one woman in the ground. And Rowen’s mom, well, of course, he didn’t give her cancer…but I know…I know it was because of him.
Eighteen. He turns 18 in three months.
Dad told him he can’t afford college. Told him he couldn’t go. Maybe he could get a job and go to a trade school and pay for it himself. Either way, dad says he has to get a job when he graduates to help with all the bills. “He needs to pull his weight.”
Rowan knows I have a college fund set up for him. I just have to get him out of Wisconsin.
Then I get the text…
I think I’m gay too.