50. Chapter 50
Chapter fifty
My mind goes completely blank. I open my mouth and then close it again.
“Come on you were all excited to have one before…pick one, now.” Nandy takes a small step toward me. His look is stern, but not cold. The fire in his eyes is unmistakable.
I look at Fynn. He is wearing the slightest of smirks on his face. “What’s yours?”
“Rhapsody.”
He says it quickly without hesitation. Which I suppose is the point. You need to be able to call on the word in a second. In a second when your world is spinning in all the wrong ways. When you feel unsafe.
I look at Nandy again. He makes me feel safe. Maybe I don’t need one. I trust him. He is making quite a show of losing his patience with me. But I know better. I can see the excitement in his eyes. The sparkle. He’s happy.
“Fernando.”
He freezes. He blinks and swallows hard. “No. That cannot be your safe word.”
“Why not?” I think it is the perfect choice. He makes me feel safe, secure, he pulled me out of one of the worst panic attacks I’ve ever had and he did it with such care.
He steps into my space and reaches a hand to my throat. “Because I really fucking like the way you say my name.”
And I really like it when you wrap your hand around my throat. I don’t say that out loud. The swallow he must feel along the palm of his hand says that for me.
“Madison.”
“Madison?”
“Madison. Not the city. It’s someone who makes me feel safe.” That earns me a slight scowl. “She’s a dog…Davey’s dog.”
“Does that work for you…Fernando?”
And that gets fingers ripped into my hair and a tug, exposing my throat to him. I moan and swallow hard again. Nandy licks the hollow of my throat up to my mouth and devours me with his lips. Then he stands back and looks at Fynn and I.
“I’m going to be honest….this is going to be a struggle for me.”
“Which part?” I ask.
But Fynn already knows. He casts his eyes downward and I make the slightest of moves closer to him. Nandy catches it. I know his concern too. I’ve never heard him voice it.
“That part,” he says simply. “The two of you together.”
“But you were okay with me watching you with Fynn.”
He narrows his eyes again. “That was different…and that was before.”
“Before?”
“Before everyone started throwing around the L word.”
I laugh.
“Why is that funny?”
“Because you can’t even say it. I seem to be the only one throwing it around. Fynn has said it about you….but not to you or me. And you can’t even spit it out.”
“He said it,” Fynn says. “About you. Well he didn’t say it, he just nodded.”
Well this is just ridiculous. Three grown men and we are standing here bickering about saying I love you and who can or can’t say it to whom. I sigh and walk over to Nandy, cup his face in my hands and look him in the eye. “I love you.” I kiss him softly, then repeat the move with Fynn.
“There, now the straight guy everyone has been worried about has declared his love for two men.”