Chapter 10
KORMAC/TITUS
The morning after the party, I ran in the meadows. I played more of my Titus role. And the more I did, the more I rejected it. The old me wasn’t coming back. There was no hope for that old life, but there was for Kormac’s.
My decision to return to Faerie had been set in stone.
Now to implement my escape.
Another party had been planned for this evening. Everyone enjoyed last night so much they didn’t want the fun to end. In fact, Marcus suggested the next seven nights be one party after another.
As the celebrations got underway, so would my plan.
Get to Marcus’s room and break into his chest. Take the key to the Depart Room, jump into the stars.
It sounded easy, but dread pooled in my guts—a very Kormac feeling.
I danced with Olivia for a while. There was guilt there, over the rejection of our friendship.
She had been a great friend, the best one of all angelus.
But not now, not after so much change within me.
We could never go back to our carefree days.
She could never understand my new complexities.
She’d reject them all, beg Many Hands to do something.
Turn me into a ball of light again, say it was too soon for me to be whole again.
Goodbye, Olivia, I told her silently. Titus is dead.
As I skipped with Olivia across the dancefloor, I thought about my impending fall back to Faerie. It wouldn’t kill me, even without the undying power. The stars carried angelus down safely. But would it hurt?
Who cares?
A worthy price to pay.
Was Valance a worthy man to do this for? After everything he’d done, the absolute hate and disgust… and the passion, the tenderness, the suffering he’d endured, the other side of him shown to me, how we were growing closer and…
Yes. He would be worth it. I wanted more of him. I wanted him to be okay, to succeed, to have a chance at life. Maybe I cared too much, but I still cared. And that was enough for me. Prince Valance Rosestar ran through my blood, a beautiful taint never to be cleared.
I’m coming, Valance…
Olivia moved from me to Marcus, and I made my exit the same as I did last night.
Weaving through glass bodies, heading for Marcus’s room with a million apologies lingering on my tongue.
Glitter exploding overhead, fear overwhelming.
Up stairways, dashing down corridors, ready to betray.
Time seemed to slow, my limbs moving through invisible sludge.
I’m doing this…
I’m doing this…
I came to Marcus’s door. Without hesitation, I hurried inside. His door was always unlocked because of angelus trust.
I’m so sorry…
His room was much the same as mine, but bigger, with a cloudy glass chest resting on a glass table. This glass wasn’t blue or green but white and thick. I touched its lock, caressing the keyhole. I had no idea where Marcus’s key was because I didn’t need to know.
No key required.
I picked up the heavy chest, held it above my head. This was it, the moment the path ahead allowed for no turnarounds.
I counted to three and threw the chest into the floor as hard as I could.
A loud crash, the chest cracking along with the glass floor beneath it. I picked it up again, struck the same place repeatedly. Fissures spread across the floor from the crack I’d made. Shards of glass fell from the chest, spidery damage across its surface.
A few more hits, and it’d be open. Four more, to be precise. It burst open on its right side, the key falling out along with more shards, hitting the floor with a shrill clang. I dropped the chest and scooped up the white glass key.
By the gods! The damage to the floor! Those fissures reached as far as the walls, the main crack a small crater.
“I’m sorry,” I said, heading for the door.
Time to move quickly.
The door opened before I reached it, Marcus filling the doorway.
“Hellpiss!” I bit out.
“Hellpiss, Titus?” he said, folding his arms. “What are you doing?”
“I…” What could I possibly tell him?
“Well?” His eyes assessed the damage, the key in my hand.
“I…”
“You’re trying to leave,” he answered for me. “Why?”
“I have to go back.”
“But your job is done. And you need to be healed properly. Why would you want to go back there?” He gasped in realization. “No. Not that fae prince.”
“Yes,” I admitted. “I have to see him.”
“You’re deeply corrupted.”
“Let me go.”
Marcus took a step forward. “I’m so sorry you’re sick, Titus. We were wrong to give you back your body. But we can make it right. We can go to Many Hands now.”
“No.”
“We can. That terrible old woman hurt you deeply with her meddling. If only we’d seen she wanted your undying.
” He shook his head. “Things will be okay. You will be fully Titus and forget everything about that realm and what you did there.” He took another step forward.
“You are an angelus, not a human. You are Titus, my friend. Kormac is dead, nothing but a job you did and did well. Now you must heal.” He opened his arms to me.
I was tempted to drop the key, to run into his embrace and get the help I needed.
No.
No.
No.
I tried to speak, losing my voice.
“Come, Titus. Come to me.”
No.
No.
No.
“Titus? Please. Let me help you. We can’t lose you. We love you.”
Still no voice.
“Think about what you would be leaving behind if you fall through the stars like this. What if you fade for good? What if there is no coming back?”
“Am I the first to want this?” I asked.
“If you go, you will have forsaken your duty.”
“Am I the first?” I asked again.
He nodded. “You are. But I hope you won’t go through with it.”
Why did he have to come here? “I have to go, Marcus. You don’t understand.”
“Then talk to me.”
“I’m not Titus anymore. I’m Kormac.”
“No. You’re not a human.”
“I touched myself,” I went on. “I indulged in human pleasure last night. This cock is functional. I feel things only a human can feel. The old woman has changed me, but so has Valance Rosestar. He is my destiny.”
“No, he is not,” Marcus responded calmly. “He has his own destiny you helped him meet. You are not part of it now because it is done, even if corrupted.”
“How do you know?”
He didn’t have an answer.
“We were written in the stars,” I added.
“Yes. You were.”
“So—”
“Because that is part of your job, nothing else. There is no romantic destiny here. Valance was meant to be a Tuatha king, to discover his dark caress and follow that path. Once he reached that, your role in his life ended.”
“No!” I barked. “You don’t know anything. This isn’t over. He is still my destiny.”
“Titus!” he snapped back. “It’s over. Forget him, forget the pollutants in your system. I’m taking you to Many Hands right now. I won’t lose you to this. You deserve so much better than—”
I charged at him, my body acting of its volition. My fist came up and collided with his face so hard I cracked his cheek. He fell backward in surprise. I jumped over him, running for the Depart Room.
“Titus! No!” he called after me.
This was it now. There would be no second chances. If Marcus caught up to me and overpowered me, all would be lost. Many Hands would trap me as a ball of light, and eventually, Kormac would be extinguished.
Kormac had to live.
I had to hold Valance again.
That certainty drove up my speed, taking me to the Depart Room quicker. Down, down, down, deep into the bowels of Sky Palace.
“Titus!” Marcus’s voice was distant, but he’d soon catch up to me, probably with extra help.
I made it to the door. Key in the lock, pushing it open. Once inside, I slammed it closed and locked it again. These doors were hard to break down, so I’d bought myself some time.
The Depart Room was small, big enough for about six angelus bodies. Empty of furniture, a second door of milky glass directly ahead of me. Unlocked.
Pushing down on its glass handle, I pulled it open to reveal the sea of stars beyond it. The firmament twinkled, seemed to ripple like the surface of a sea of water. Golden and white fire at once, a beautiful place to take a dive.
With one leap, everything would change forever. The first angelus to leave. The first angelus to forsake his duty. Would they speak of me? Would they remember me? Would they wipe me from our history?
A heavy bang on the door behind me.
“Titus!” Marcus’s voice.
“Please!” Olivia was there too. “Stop this and come out.”
Bang. Bang. Bang.
I didn’t answer.
“Titus!”
Their voices blended into one, a distant hum. No matter how much they pleaded, how hard they slammed their fists into the door, my mind was set on the stars.
Jump.
Jump.
Jump.
Goodbye to Titus.
I counted to three and leaped into the firmament, whispering, “Take me to him.”