Chapter 49
VALANCE
I gave Faerie back its memories of me, of the horrors of my grandmother. As it moved forward into new politics, I kept myself invisible. I hid in the very north of Winter, spending months alone in an abandoned cottage on the rough coastline.
Brutal and beautiful at once, this northern reach wasn’t for the faint-hearted, those in love with softer living. Like the Prince Valance of old, a child of Summer. He’d have died many deaths here.
One windy night sat before my fire, I came to a decision.
I set off that same night to implement it.
Weeks later, after yet another slow walk through these lands, I reached the western Winter forest with the purple berry bushes and the stench of smokeless fire.
The moon was new and full in the sky, casting its magnificence down on everything.
The berries sparked in the milky glow, the snow a carpet of diamonds.
Between the berry bushes, a path wound through the trees. I followed it.
Tonight, this pain ended.
Those berry bushes lined the path all the way to the addition of small candles about halfway along. They flickered inside small glass domes, their light dull under the glow of the moon.
Eventually, the winding path opened up into a grove of fir trees, tall and evergreen, dusted with snow.
Huts built of mud with thatched roofs nestled between the trees, firelight dancing in their windows.
They reminded me of the human homes at Lord Cullen’s mountain domain, only much smaller.
I would have to duck considerably to get inside.
A campfire burned further back in this tiny village, small figures hunched around it with sticks held over the flames, chatting quietly.
Jinn.
I made myself visible, gazing up at the stars. At peace with my decision.
I must do this…
A female jinn stepped out of a hut, striding toward me with a male in tow. The same male I’d tried to send home, the one who granted my grandmother’s wish.
He’d survived.
The female jinn came to a stop before me, taller than the male jinn but not by much. She was blueish with wispy white hair, many bangles decorating both of her thin arms.
“Hello,” she said in a whispery voice. “Your Majesty.” She bowed her head. “May I begin by welcoming you to our humble grove and thanking you for giving it back to us. For giving us life again. We will always be grateful for this, more than we can ever express.”
I folded my arms, other jinn gathering around to see me.
“May we offer you food and wine? Let us make you—”
“No,” I cut in. “I’m happy to stand here.”
She seemed slightly taken aback by my words. “Of course, Your Majesty.”
“Are you the jinn matriarch?” I questioned.
“Yes. I am Lorien, mother to Oliver.” She gestured to the jinn beside her. “Thank you for trying to help him.”
“There is no need to thank me.”
She nodded. “May I ask why you are here, Your Majesty?”
I drew a deep breath, flashes of Kormac behind my eyes. “I seek your power.”
Her bangles jangled as she lifted her arms. “A wish?”
“A wish.”
She held up a finger. “Tell me what it is, but do not make the wish until you have explained it to me. Wishes are dangerous things.”
“So I’ve heard.”
“Would you like to sit and talk?”
I shook my head. “I’m fine here.” I glanced back at that lovely night sky, the stars.
Are you there? Are you happy?
“I want death, but I know I can’t have that. Should I undo my life, Faerie will pay. I cannot have that. However, I can have permanent slumber. Oblivion.”
Lorien waited for more.
“I can sleep deep within Faerie, left alone, left without dreams or thoughts or memories. There as a vessel to fill the world with my magic forever, never to surface, never to be disturbed.”
She released a long breath, mist trailing from her mouth. “Is that really what you want, Your Majesty?”
“More than anything. I cannot live in this world anymore, not as a fae, not as a man. I want to help it, yet take nothing from it. That may seem cowardly, too easy. But this pain is too much for my soul. And I’m aware many carry an incredible amount of pain in their lives.
I also know how much pain I have caused, the things I have done.
I know what I am, what I could be, what I have been.
” I closed my eyes, casting my mind back to my orchid garden, to the torture I’d inflicted. To the hurt I’d caused Kormac.
I didn’t deserve his love or his touch. He was from the stars, made from beauty, a gift to fulfill my destiny. He was far too precious for the likes of me.
“You have also given Faerie a new chance,” she said.
“And will continue to do so if the wish will allow it. Which brings me to the consequence.”
“There is always a price, Your Majesty.”
“What exactly would it be? Do you know?”
“You can never come back of your own accord,” she said. “Without thought, trapped below, there will be no capacity for you to regret, to be anything other than Faerie’s vessel. Which is what you want.”
No going back. “It is.”
“And you are happy to never have a chance to change your mind?”
“That is the price.”
“It is.”
“Then so be it.”
“No, Majesty!” Oliver cried. “Please don’t do this!”
“Silence!” the matriarch snapped at him.
I smiled, giving no response. It was nice he cared, that he felt anything for his king. But any effort was paper against fire. There would be no changing my mind.
“Are you sure you wouldn’t like some food before you leave us?” Lorien asked. “You are more than welcome to sit and eat with us, drink with us.”
Many jinn heads nodded as one.
“That’s very kind, but it is time,” I said.
She nodded, sadness in her eyes. “Very well. Begin your wish whenever you see fit. Repeat what you told me with ‘I wish’ before it.”
Silence.
One more look at the stars, clearing my throat.
Goodbye, Kormac. This is where I leave my memories of you, here in this grove. Be at peace beyond those stars…
“I wish to sleep deep within Faerie,” I spoke. “To be left alone, left without dreams or thoughts or memories. There as a vessel to fill the world with my magic forever, never to surface, never to be disturbed.”
“Valance!”
What?
“As is wished, so it shall be done.” She clapped her hands together, the sound thundering in my head.
He ran into the grove, alive again.
“Kormac?”
Was that really him?
But the magic of the wish took me away, undid everything that was me, turned me into a blank slate, carrying me down into the dark to fulfill my duty.