Sullha #2
It was important to keep the conversation going to make things easier for Yaaf. While Rohilah was distracted by Sullha's prattle, she wouldn't notice that someone was rummaging through her brain.
"He's a very gentle boy," Rohilah said. "He's so patient with her."
Sullha chuckled. "He's also scoring points. I promised him an extra serving of cookies if he kept Bianca occupied so we could discuss the teaching position."
Rohilah smiled apologetically. "I can only help in classes that Bianca will attend. I don't want to leave her with anyone while I'm helping in a classroom."
"Of course," Sullha said. "That's what I do with Tomek. I help during his classes if I don't have to be somewhere else."
"You work in the garden, right?"
Sullha nodded.
"Why? As a mother of a small boy, you are not required to do anything other than the kitchen rotation."
Sullha shrugged. "I like working in the garden. It's peaceful. Besides, as sweet as Tomek is, sometimes I need a break from him. I need to spend some time with the plants and other adults."
"I know what you mean," Rohilah said. "Kids take over your life."
Sullha tilted her head. "Do you have other children? I mean before Bianca?"
The question was delivered casually, following the natural rhythm of their conversation, and Rohilah didn't seem alarmed.
"I have a son, or at least I hope I do. He was taken at thirteen to join the army, like all the boys are."
Sullha kept her expression attentive but without overdoing it. "How old is he now?"
"Twenty."
"That must be hard for you. Not knowing if he's okay."
"It is what it is." Rohilah sighed. "Agonizing over it is not going to help anyone. Not me and not him. I just let it go."
"What's his name?"
Rohilah's eyes flickered toward the sandbox, where Bianca was patting down a mound of sand with both of her chubby hands.
"Tersan."
"That's a nice name," Sullha said.
"I named him after my mother. Her name was Teresa."
"Any other children?" Sullha asked even though she knew there were none.
Rohilah shook her head. "I had three miscarriages between Tersan and Bianca."
The answer was delivered in a flat tone that indicated Rohilah didn't regret losing those babies. Many of the women didn't want to have children. They were forced on them by strangers who hadn't been kind or gentle.
Some of the so-called miscarriages were intentional, but that wasn't something anyone talked about because it wasn't supposed to exist. The women's job was to bear children for Mortdh.
To do anything to prevent it, like drinking contraceptive tea or engaging in activities that could induce a miscarriage, was severely punished, and if caught doing any such thing more than once, the punishment was execution.
"Have you ever miscarried?" Rohilah asked.
"No," Sullha said. "I had Tomek at fourteen and nothing since."
"You're lucky."
"I am."
"Miscarriages are difficult," Rohilah said.
"I imagine they are."
"Even when you don't want the baby, it's hard."
Three miscarriages were a lot, and it was possible that not all of them had been accidents despite Rohilah saying that they'd been difficult. She might be referring to the physical toll they had taken on her body.
Sullha was not going to ask.
She was going to let Yaaf find the answer in Rohilah's head if it was important to him to find out. It didn't matter for their purpose one way or another.
"Was it hard to let Tersan go?" she asked instead.
"It didn't matter if it was hard. They were going to take him whether I wanted them to or not.
So, I prepared myself for it. I knew he wouldn't be mine for long.
When they came for him, I was ready, and I could be strong for him.
I told him that I was proud of him and that he was going to do great things in Mortdh's name. "
She looked at Sullha with a sympathetic expression.
"My advice to you is to start early with Tomek.
Start preparing yourself now. Don't let yourself love him so much that the loss breaks you, because the loss is coming, and it doesn't care how prepared you are.
The only thing you can do is to shore up your walls so it won't destroy you. "
Sullha's chest tightened, and she struggled to keep her expression neutral.
"That sounds like good advice," she said. "I just don't know if I can make myself love him less."
Rohilah looked toward the sandbox.
"It's getting late. Bianca needs a snack and a bath." She rose to her feet. "Thank you for inviting us here and offering me a teaching position. I can start with the little ones as soon as Bianca turns three."
"That's great." Sullha smiled at her.
Rohilah looked at her daughter, who was now lying on her stomach in the sand with her chin propped on her hands, just watching Tomek complete the structure they'd been working on because she seemed too tired to keep helping.
"This is good for her," Rohilah said. "Maybe I'll bring her again tomorrow."
"I can't promise Tomek will agree to this again, but if you come a little earlier, there are plenty of younger kids playing in the sandbox, and Bianca will have many friends to choose from."
"He's a sweet boy, your Tomek."
"He is."
"She's going to grow up thinking that all males are like that, and they are not."