6. Lily
Lily
6
I’ve always been the type of girl who carefully observes her surroundings, assessing every detail before making a decision. Those traits kept me alive through every minute of hell I endured over the past six years.
So then tell me why it only took one look into Raphael’s light hazel eyes for those virtues to go flying right out the window.
I know leaving with Raphael was the right thing to do, but I fear I may not have thought everything through as I usually would. It’s clear from his home and vehicles that he has money and power. He claims he wants to make Xiao pay for everything he’s done, but I know the dark world Xiao deals business in…does that mean Raphael does too? For all I know, I’m merely swapping one devil for another, someone with similar intentions to Xiao. And if that’s the case, then am I really any more free?
I lie down next to Mei, pulling her close to my chest before I curl around her small body. My body is tired, but my mind refuses to rest.
There was a time when falling asleep came easily and effortlessly to me. The significance of rest was deeply ingrained in us as doctors during residency. A vacant patient room, an old gurney abandoned in storage, or, embarrassingly, there was even that one time I dozed off on the toilet. Sleep was sleep. It didn’t matter where so long as I got a few much-needed hours of rest.
That all changed the first night I was abused by Dr. Rodriguez. Too afraid to sleep, I would remain awake all night, catching every creak and rustle, finally surrendering to sleep when sheer exhaustion overcame me.
When Mei was born, it only got worse. The fear of something terrible happening to her was overwhelming, leaving me feeling like a zombie, only sleeping when I was certain I was alone. As time went on, the fears lessened, but the persistent feeling of unease never truly disappeared. I lived in a constant state of worry, bracing myself for the next outburst or attack, until I grew numb and concentrated on my only source of happiness. Mei.
When I first discovered I was pregnant with Mei, I seriously considered throwing myself down a flight of stairs. And then one night I dreamed about a dark-haired, blue-eyed little girl running through the water at the beach at sunset. I could hear her laugh, see her smile, and feel the warmth of her sun-kissed skin.
Mei’s birth wasn’t easy by any means and was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. In a bathtub with no drugs, I delivered my daughter all by myself. As soon as I held her tiny body, covered in blood and mucus, and heard her take her first cry, a wave of emotions washed over me: elation, love, hope, and guilt. How I could ever think of ending her life before she had the chance to live left me instantly feeling like the worst mother. I made a vow at that moment to always be there for her, to protect her, and to teach her.
Somehow, I reached my bed shortly afterward before passing out from blood loss and exertion. I’m not sure who found me, but when I woke up next, it was in one of Xiao’s underground medical back rooms. Because despite being a perverted piece of shit human being who made his business in the trade of human flesh, Xiao made sure his…inventory…was well cared for medically. Apparently, victims don’t sell as well when they’re not in good shape.
The doctor who treated me after Mei’s birth told Xiao I was lucky to be alive, but when we were alone, she praised me for delivering Mei on my own. I have my medical degree to thank and my instant maternal instinct for providing me with the skills to do so.
Then I did something perilous and begged the doctor to help me prevent another pregnancy. It’s clear that the implant I had prior to being kidnapped had expired, or else Mei wouldn’t have been conceived. But I wasn’t ready to be a walking womb after her birth, either.
Reluctantly, the doctor agreed to insert an IUD and kept silent afterward. Something I will forever be thankful to her for.
But having Mei was only the first problem. Convincing Xiao to let me raise her took every ounce of respect I had for myself. I did things and said things I’m not proud of…anything it took to keep my daughter by my side. But that’s what a mother does, what a mother should do. Sacrifice it all if it means the protection of their child.
Ultimately, I think that’s why I took the chance and went with the devil I didn’t know. Raphael can’t do anything worse than what’s already been done to me.
By the time I fall asleep, the sun is already caressing the night sky with its morning light and when I wake up in a bright room, it feels like no time has passed.
I turn over to check on Mei, but she’s nowhere to be found.
I jolt out of bed and rush to the bathroom. With such a tiny bladder, she often gets up to use the restroom at night. Only the bathroom is empty, too. Where the hell is my daughter?
Flinging open the bedroom door, I don’t even register the lock being undone before I’m out the door and running down the hallway.
“Mei!” I shout, the effort causing my ribs to protest.
The hall leads directly into a spacious main living area, filled with natural light, but my focus isn’t on the beautiful, bright, and open space, but on something else. It’s the little girl sitting on a stool at the kitchen island, happily swinging her legs as she eats a bowl of cereal.
Mei turns toward me with a big smile. “Hi, Mommy!”