36. Lily
Lily
36
Leaning desperately over the railing, my hands trembling and my breath shallow, I stare at the water, waiting for Michael to reappear with Raphael. Every second that passes is another second Raphael spends in the water without air. And as a doctor, I know the facts. A human being can hold their breath anywhere from thirty seconds to a minute and a half but very rarely any more than that.
“How long has it been?” I ask Enzo without moving my eyes from the water.
“Not long,” he answers vaguely on purpose. Because we both know Raphael’s been under for longer than a minute, at least.
Hot tears spring to my eyes, blurring my vision. Every heartbeat hurts, every breath burns. It feels like half of my body and soul is dying.
Bowing my head, I close my eyes, feeling the weight of the lingering truth press down on me.
“Lily, look,” Enzo says, stepping forward just as Michael breaks through the surface with Raphael cradled safely in his arms.
“Help!” Michael coughs as he struggles to tread water while holding his brother. “I don’t think he’s breathing.”
Enzo tears his arm sling off and reaches down to grab Raphael under the arms, heaving him up and over the railing. Raphael isn’t light in any regard, and Enzo’s arm is still recovering from a dislocated shoulder, but Enzo just picks him up as if he weighs as much as a feather.
As a doctor, I’m annoyed at my patient, but as a woman in love, I’ve never been so thankful to the Viking for his incredible strength than at this exact moment.
“Set him down. Set him down,” I repeat several times, gesturing to the yacht floor.
I’m trying hard not to concentrate on how pale and lifeless Raphael appears right now, flapping around like a limp doll in Enzo’s arms.
Enzo carefully lays Raphael down, then kneels next to me. “What do you need?”
His question is the same one Raphael asked the day Dominic died. But I can’t focus on that. Because today will be different. Raphael will not die today.
I lean over and put my ear to his chest, listening for a heartbeat…and hear nothing.
“I can’t find a heartbeat. I need to start CPR.”
Positioning myself over Raphael, I place the heel of my hand over his sternum, interlock my fingers, and begin compressions. Each push I make is deliberate and forceful, with my arms straight. Maintaining a steady rhythm, I count to twenty before blowing air twice into Raphael’s mouth. Giving CPR is second nature to me, but I’ve never had to give it to someone I love.
My focus narrows in on the task and not how Enzo and Michael hover nearby.
After a minute of resuscitation efforts, I pause and place two fingers against his neck, searching for a pulse.
“Fuck!” I cry when I can’t locate one.
Michael paces and occasionally coughs while Enzo stays close.
Starting a second round of CPR, I put my entire body weight behind each push.
“Come ON!” I growl through my clenched teeth. “You do not get to die on me, Raphael.”
Michael chants something in Italian. Probably some kind of prayer or hymn. It’s needed.
The tension in the air is thick.
Tears stream down my face when I listen again and hear nothing.
“If you die,” I cry, my voice trembling with raw emotion, “I will hate you forever.”
I’m exhausted, and my breathing has become choppy and irregular, but I push on.
“Do you understand me? You can’t just make me fall in love with you and then die.”
I feel Enzo place his hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
With a violent shrug, I push him away. “No! He’s not dead. He can’t be dead.”
“Lily,” Enzo whispers, his voice cracking from emotion.
“Stop!” I slam my fists on his chest in time with my words. “He’s.” Slam. “Not.” Slam. “Dead.” Over and over. “Wake up! I can’t lose anyone else. I won’t!”
All of my strength leaves me, and I collapse on Raphael’s hard, unresponsive chest.
“Please…” I sob. “Please, Raphael. We need you. We love you.” I turn my face and bury it in his neck. He’s so cold. Taking a deep inhale, I savor the lingering scent of his unique aroma mixed with seawater. “I love you. Come back to me…please.”
Enzo once again grabs my shoulder, this time to pull me away, and I latch on to Raphael.
“No!” How will I explain this to Mei? I can’t imagine it. I don’t want to imagine it.
“Lily, please.”
And then, suddenly, Raphael’s chest expands as he takes a deep breath and coughs violently.
I pull away with a startled gasp. “You’re alive!”
Raphael groans. His voice is scratchy when he says, “When was I not?”
“Holy shit, man.” Enzo collapses beside us. “You gave us a scare.”
“More than a scare,” Michael adds, coming to kneel by Enzo. “You were dead, brother.”
Raphael looks at us strangely and then tries to sit up. Enzo helps support him with a hand to his upper back. “I was?”
“Yeah.” Enzo nods in my direction. “Your girl saved your life.”
Raphael looks at me. His eyes are red from the salt water, and his face is still pale, but his smile is the same. “You saved me?”
“They helped.”
His brother grasps Raphael’s hand and squeezes. “Don’t you ever do something like that again. I can’t lose my brother. You hear me?”
“Deal.”
Raphael reaches for me, and I burrow into him. He’s shaking, and when I go to wrap my arms around him, he winces. That’s when I remember the stab wound courtesy of Xiao.
“Yeah.” Raphael reads my mind. “Let’s go to the hospital.”