10. Annani
ANNANI
"Esag didn't recognize any of the four," Alena said.
"He even printed the photos so he could enlarge them.
" She leaned against the foot of the bed.
"Then he called Roven and Davuh over so they could look at them, and neither of them recognized any of them either.
At midnight, he called me to say he was sorry. "
"Sorry for what?"
Annani had humored his request to look at photos of the guards, but she had not expected him to recognize the faces of males he might have seen in passing five thousand years ago.
"I don't think he was apologizing to me," Alena said. "It was more to himself. He told me he'd been carving the four guards obsessively, hoping his hands were being guided by some divine power, and he was disappointed when the photos didn't match any of the faces he'd carved."
Annani glanced at the guards in the other beds.
Like Khiann, they were waking intermittently, staying awake for short periods of time before drifting back into restorative sleep.
Their bodies were still working hard to repair the wasting that had occurred over thousands of years in stasis.
Sadly, they did not know their own names, nor did anyone else who was alive.
Khiann probably did not know his own name either, but at least he had her to tell him what it was.
The others had no one, and as the one who had appointed herself their ambassador, she was not doing enough for them.
If there was even the slightest chance that Esag recognized any of them, she should let him come.
"Perhaps Esag will have better luck when he sees them in person. They are much thinner than they used to be and mostly hairless, so even if he knew them back then, they no longer look the same."
Alena lifted an eyebrow. "Does that mean you will allow him to visit?"
"Yes. Call Esag. Tell him he may come this afternoon."
Alena's face brightened. "What made you change your mind?"
Annani smoothed the blanket over Khiann's arm. "These four guards are awake but have no names. If, by some miracle, Esag remembers any of them, I need to allow him to see them."
"That's what I've been saying all along," Alena said. "I'm glad you finally saw reason."
Annani shot her daughter a glare. "The reasonable thing to do would have been to prioritize Khiann's well-being and keep everyone out, but I am compromising for them. Tell Esag to come alone."
"Of course. I didn't think otherwise." Alena took a deep breath. "I'll go outside to make the calls."
Annani sat back in the rocking chair, watching her beloved's face and waiting for him to open his eyes.
She had expected to feel worse about handing over to Esag some of the precious moments she had with Khiann, but now that she had relented, it felt right. Perhaps seeing Esag would jog Khiann's memory.
Khiann's eyes opened slowly, without alarm, and traveled across the ceiling before coming to rest on her face. The moment he found her eyes, his expression settled.
"Good morning," she said. "It is nearly noon, but I have decided that we shall call every waking a morning."
A ghost of a smile lifted one side of his mouth.
It had happened a couple of times before, but she had not been sure if it was a real smile and not just an involuntary grimace.
"I need to tell you a few things." She turned her hand so his larger one lay on top of hers. "If you understand what I am saying, squeeze my hand once. If you do not, squeeze it twice, and I shall go back and say it another way. Do you understand?"
One squeeze.
"Good." Annani smiled. "Do you remember that I told you about a male named Esag?"
He squeezed her hand twice.
Panic constricted Annani's throat. She had told Khiann about his best friend yesterday, and he had already forgotten? Perhaps she had celebrated too soon, and he was not all there in his head after all.
She refused to succumb to negativity. He had been exhausted when she told him about Esag, and he had fallen asleep immediately afterward. He must have been hazy.
"Esag was your best friend. You had a brief falling-out over his treatment of my best friend, but that is a story for another time. Esag has wanted to come see you for days, and I kept saying no because I did not want to overwhelm you. I am also a selfish woman who protects my time with you."
And there it was. One more tiny smile.
"Anyway," she continued, "I finally caved and will let him come see you this afternoon. It will probably be during your next waking time. Do you understand so far?"
One squeeze.
"I might as well tell you a little about your relationship with him."
One squeeze.
"Esag was your squire and your closest friend long before I ever laid eyes on you.
He came to work in your father's house when you were both young, and you never treated him as a servant.
" She smiled. "He called you my lord only in public, and by your name the rest of the time.
You told me you fenced with him every day in your parents' yard.
What you did not tell me was that you did not train with practice swords.
You trained with real ones. Esag told me about it when he found his way to my clan, and I was very angry to hear of this foolishness.
But then he reminded me that you were a god and he was an immortal, and that your wounds healed immediately, so there was no good reason to use practice swords.
I asked him if he enjoyed being pricked by a sharp weapon and bleeding.
He said he gave as good as he got, which made me even angrier.
I did not want to think about you getting injured. Do you remember any of it?"
Two squeezes.
"Did you understand everything that I told you?"
One squeeze.
"Good." She rewarded him with a bright smile.
"I am just getting started. You two frequented a tavern called a temple because the goddess who created beer did not want to be regarded as a merchant.
" She leaned closer to him. "Your father and you never had a problem with that, and I applauded you for it.
Anyway, you and Esag spent a lot of time and money in that temple.
Does that paint a picture of your friendship with Esag? "
One squeeze, and another faint smile.
Khiann seemed to enjoy these tales from his youth. She had not told him about their own past while he was awake, only when he was asleep, hoping her stories would reach his subconscious and trigger memories.
It was difficult to talk about love and passion with a man who remembered none of it.
"I am thankful for Esag's stories. He only recently found his way to my clan, and since then he has been filling in your past for me, piece by piece.
You and I had only four months together, my love.
There was not enough time to form many memories, but those we had sustained me through the millennia. "
She had called him my love again, and he had no context for her claim on him. He probably did not know his own name just as his guards did not know theirs. He might have heard her call him Khiann, but just as he had forgotten her mentioning Esag, he had probably forgotten that as well.
"Do you remember your name?"
There was panic in those expressive eyes as he squeezed her hand twice.
"Your name is Khiann," she said. "Khiann, son of Yaeni and Navohn. I have been calling you my love because you are, and because I have wanted to say it out loud for five thousand years, but you should hear your own name spoken more often so you can own it again."
One squeeze.
"It might sound foreign to you now, but one day you will hear it and know it is you."
She turned the ring on his thumb.
"It is such a lovely name, Khiann. When I thought I had lost you forever, I named my first son after you so I would hear myself say it to someone I loved.
I changed it a little. It is Kian, not Khiann, because of our tradition of not naming children after those who died tragically, and I believed that had happened to you for thousands of years.
I did not know you had survived in stasis.
Credible witnesses testified that they saw you die. "
She had not used the word murder intentionally.
He was not ready to hear the rest of it. That Mortdh had plotted to have him beheaded, and that her father had most likely planted the witnesses who swore it had been done.
Khiann just looked at her, and she did not have the courage to ask whether he understood what she had just told him.
"It is going to be confusing once you get better and join the community.
My son Kian runs things as my regent, and he has been doing so for nearly two thousand years.
He even has your jaw. I did not do that on purpose.
I only realized how alike you looked when I saw the two of you next to each other.
" She caressed his hand. "He will come and see you when you are a little stronger. Perhaps in a few days."
Khiann squeezed her hand twice.
Annani stopped.
What was he saying no to?
Was it no, meaning he did not understand what she was telling him, or no, meaning he did not want Kian to come see him?
Given how his eyes widened and his breathing became shallower and faster, it was the latter. Khiann was afraid of meeting Kian.
"You do not want my son to come see you?"
One squeeze.
Annani swallowed the lump in her throat and forced her expression not to change. "You have nothing to fear from Kian. He went to great lengths to retrieve you and your friends from hostile hands. That too is a tale for another day. But you need to know that my son welcomes you to our community."
Khiann's eyes stayed on her, and his hand did not move at all, which she was learning to read as its own answer.
Perhaps his reluctance to see Kian had nothing to do with fear of him.
What if he resented her for having children with humans?
She had told him about it while he slept, and she doubted he had heard any of it, let alone internalized it.
"If this is about my children, you have already met one of them since waking up. Alena, the beautiful blond woman who keeps me company, is my firstborn daughter. You know who I am talking about, right?"
There was one squeeze.
"She is lovely, is she not?"
Another squeeze.
"And she has nothing but good intentions toward you. Do you believe that?"
There was no squeeze, which meant he was not sure.
As the door behind her opened and the scent of Alena's perfume intensified, Annani turned and motioned for her daughter to come closer.
"What is it?" Alena crossed the room and stopped beside Annani's chair.
"Khiann is afraid of Kian visiting. I wanted to remind him that he has been seeing my child since he opened his eyes, and no harm has come to him from you."
Khiann looked at Alena.
Then he looked at their two hands, then back at Alena's face. His eyes widened a second time, and this time Annani understood.
He had not known Alena was her daughter.
"He did not know who you were because you have always addressed me as Mother in English," Annani said.
"You are right," Alena said quietly. "Now he looks at me with fear in his eyes. Why?"
"I wish I knew." Annani lifted her face to her daughter. "Perhaps you should move out of his line of sight. His heart is racing."
Alena glanced at the heart monitor and winced. "Yeah. We don't want him to have a cardiac arrest." She stepped a few feet away.
That was Alena's attempt at humor, but right now Annani did not appreciate it.
She leaned over the bed and rested her hand on Khiann's chest, over his racing heart.
"I know you are overwhelmed, and I understand that you do not want to meet the rest of the family yet.
Nobody is going to come into this room unless you want them here.
Not my children or anyone else you disapprove of.
You have only to tell me, and I shall keep them out.
I will not be angry with you. Do you understand me? "
One squeeze.
"Are you still accepting Esag, or should I cancel his visit?"
Two squeezes.
She had asked him two questions at once and left him no way to answer either.
"So there are no misunderstandings. You want Esag to come later today?"
One weak squeeze.
Khiann's eyelids started drooping, and he dragged them back up.
"Do not fight this, my love. Rest so you have the energy to welcome your friend."
His eyelids fell, and his hand went slack in hers.
Annani sat with him until the monitor settled.
"He said yes to Esag," she told Alena without turning around. "And no to Kian. I do not know what to think of that."
Alena came and stood beside the chair. "What happened? What triggered that response?"
"I told him that I named my son after him and that he has been my regent for almost two thousand years. Then I said Kian would visit him when he felt a little stronger." Annani looked at her mate's face, now relaxed again. "He was afraid, Alena. Of Kian. I do not understand it."
Alena was quiet for a moment.
"Khiann does not want to meet your children while he is in diminished capacity.
" Alena crouched beside the chair. "Put yourself in that bed for a moment.
You have no memories. You cannot speak or sit up, and you are fed through a tube that pumps nutrients into your vein.
A strange woman you do not recognize calls you her love, then tells you she named her son after you.
That son has been alive for two thousand years, while you were twenty when you entered stasis.
Would you want that son to walk in here and look at you, helpless in that bed?
He isn't afraid of Kian. He's afraid of being seen by him. "
It made a great deal of sense, and Annani wanted very badly for it to be the whole answer, but she could not quite believe that it was.
She had spent five thousand years telling anyone who would listen that Khiann was the only male she had ever wanted, and in that same five thousand years she had borne five children to five human men.
She had chosen each of those men because something about them reminded her of Khiann, and because a blind soothsayer had told her he would return to her in a different form, and she had interpreted it as him reincarnating. She had never been ashamed of it.
"Do you think it is possible?" Annani asked, then stopped and started again. "Do you think it is possible that he objects to me having children with humans?"
"No," Alena said, but she took a moment too long to answer.
"You hesitated."
"I hesitated because it's an awful question, and I wanted to give you a real answer.
" Alena placed her hand over her mother's.
"Khiann does not remember being mated to you.
Why on earth would he object to you having children?
And if he remembers you and finds anything objectionable about you doing what you had to, then he is not worthy of your love. "