Chapter Nineteen
There was no applause – just the sound of Livvie’s broken sobs and Kid’s muted pants.
Caleb felt…well, he didn’t know how he felt. He only knew he wanted Livvie. He wanted her close and away from all the prying eyes around them. Rafiq had not arrived, and Caleb was overwhelmed with anger and regret in addition to an influx of emotions he had no time to analyze.
“I’m taking her upstairs,” Caleb said, gathering Livvie’s naked and quivering body into his arms. He noticed Kid’s eyes, glazed with unshed tears and harboring a more than guilty expression.
If Caleb didn’t know better, he’d say the boy was smitten in the worst way.
The very idea seemed to incite his anger and yes, his jealousy.
Caleb was teeming with jealousy. If he didn’t get away from Kid soon, Caleb worried he’d be unable to control himself.
She kissed him, he screamed in this head.
She’ll kiss Vladek, too.
Caleb couldn’t think about it. His thoughts were too dangerous.
His emotions were too raw and logic was quickly fleeing.
Devoid of reason, he could find no cause to keep him from taking Livvie upstairs and fucking her senseless.
He wanted to scrub every trace of Kid from her body and clear every memory of him from Livvie’s mind.
Caleb wanted her to think only of him, to be with him.
You can’t do it, can you? You can’t let her go. Find a way, Caleb. Find a way to make Rafiq understand.
Caleb’s thoughts ran wild as he held Livvie to his chest and walked toward his room. His heart pounded a sharp tattoo he could visibly see shifting her in his arms.
Once upstairs, Caleb gently placed Livvie onto his bed.
In the short time it had taken him to get to his room, she had somehow managed to sob her way into a kind of sleep.
Her eyes were closed. Every so often, she would take in a deep breath, and her chest shuddered before she exhaled.
Caleb looked down at her sleeping form and wondered what she dreamed about in her passed-out state of slumber.
Her body jerked, twisting her over onto her back, her nakedness open for the taking.
He wanted to take her. His erection pressed into the zipper of his pants, begging for release.
He closed his eyes in order to relax, still standing next to the bed.
Her smell permeated his senses, a fragrance light, musky, and all her own.
It had pulled him to her earlier tonight.
Like a sea siren calling to a sailor, her need compelled him to act.
Without thought, he had rolled his sleeves up and dived in with both hands to quench her thirst.
Mine.
The word was a declaration. It rocked him to his very foundation. It was a truth he’d kept hidden for far too long. Caleb didn’t know anything about love, or loving anyone, but he knew…Livvie was his. He owned her. He possessed her and he knew, with everything he was, he couldn’t give her away.
Mine!
Mine!
Mine!
Rafiq will understand. I’ll make him understand.
Caleb was far from rational. Deep down, he knew Rafiq wouldn’t understand. He would see it as the deepest betrayal. He would demand the impossible of Caleb. Rafiq would try to hurt them both. Caleb pushed those thoughts away.
Before common sense could return, Caleb gently raised Livvie’s hands and untied her wrists.
Livvie sighed, and Caleb lied down on top of her in time to watch her eyes flutter open.
He stared into her deep, chocolate-colored eyes and saw himself reflected in their depths as she focused on him.
A myriad of feelings passed through him – jealousy and possessiveness at the forefront.
He needed to make her his: unequivocally and irreversibly.
Livvie’s expression turned inscrutable. She lay under Caleb, her arms limp at her sides, her expressive eyes cold and distant.
Caleb wanted nothing more than to know what she was thinking, but he was too terrified to ask.
The feeling of terror was foreign and unwanted.
The last time he’d felt it, Livvie was in a house, bleeding, broken, and barely holding on to her life.
He’d been terrified then, and he’d barely known her.
The way he felt for her then paled in comparison to the new feelings he harbored.
He dared not ask what was in her heart. He knew he couldn’t bear to hear it.
“I can’t stand the smell of him on you,” Caleb sneered.
Tears sprang to Livvie’s eyes and trailed down her temples. She closed her eyes and turned her head away from Caleb.
He put his hand on her face and forced her to face him.
Don’t ask.
Don’t ask.
Fuck! I’m going to ask.
He needed to know. He needed to know if her love for him was real. He needed to know hope was not lost and he could still, against all odds, repair the damage he had done.
“Did you enjoy it?” he asked. He tried not to make it sound like an accusation, but he knew he fell short. Livvie raised her hands to her face, covering her eyes and mouth as she began weeping. Again, Caleb refused to let her hide. He reached for her hands and pressed them into the bed above her.
“Tell me!” he snapped.
“I don’t know what you want me to say!” she cried.
“Tell me the truth! Did you like sucking his dick? Did he eat your pussy better than I do?” Caleb’s thoughts were suddenly murderous. He had meant to be kind, he had meant to be gentle, but it just wasn’t his way. He no longer knew what ‘his way’ was.
“Yes!” Livvie screamed. “Yes, you son of a bitch. I liked it. Isn’t that why you made me do it? So you could parade me around like a trained fucking poodle?”
Caleb saw red. He squeezed Livvie’s wrists until she cried out in pain, and he forced himself to let go. Her words hurt him.
Mine! You’re fucking mine!
Caleb pulled away from Livvie and reached for his belt.
He unfastened it quickly and pulled it free in one swift jerk.
Livvie gasped, scrambling backward across the bedspread.
Caleb caught her ankle and dragged her back toward the edge of the bed.
She folded her knees and crossed her arms over her breasts.
The plug in Livvie’s ass was clearly visible and the sight sent the strangest series of emotions through him, not the least of which was lust. He leaned forward above her and braced his arm across her legs to keep her bent.
He chanced a glance up at her face and saw the terror in her eyes as she strove to remain perfectly still.
He reached down and pressed his palm against the plug. Livvie groaned and shut her eyes but made no move to stop him. Caleb knew it was cruel to keep her in such a position, but his anger and lust kept him from gentling.
Caleb’s fingers traced the rim of Livvie’s hole, stretched around the plug. “How about this, Kitten? Do you like this? Should I invite everyone downstairs to watch?”
Livvie closed her eyes and turned away with a whimper.
“Look at me,” he said and tugged gently on the plug until she complied. “Do you want me to take this out?”
“Yes, Master,” she whimpered. Tears ran down her temples.
“Ah! It’s Master, now, is it?” he said. “You’re so much more obedient when you’ve something rammed up your ass.” He tugged again.
“Please, don’t! I only did it because you told me to!” she sobbed.
“Quiet! You don’t want to provoke me,” he said. His body trembled with rage.
You’re scaring her, you idiot. You won’t get to her this way.
Caleb knew he was hearing the voice of reason in his head, but he seemed unable to help himself. His fingers traced the edges of the plug, over and over until he could feel Livvie’s hips rocking on their own.
“Tell me you like this,” he said. Lust edged his voice.
“I like it,” she whispered.
Caleb continued his gentle but sadistic exploration. He watched as Livvie’s tears wet her face, but her teeth nibbled on her lip. She felt pleasure, but she also felt shame. It was a feeling Caleb understood all too well.
Slowly, he pressed on her muscles and pulled on the plug. He wanted it out. He wanted all evidence of the past twenty-four hours stripped away from her body and from his mind.
“Relax,” he snapped when he felt her tighten up. “Push the plug out,” he ordered.
“I can’t,” Livvie sobbed.
“Push, now!” he said and spanked her upturned ass. It wasn’t much of a slap, but his point was made. Livvie squeezed her eyes shut and pushed at the same time Caleb slid his finger in around the plug to loosen the suction created by Livvie’s ass.
Slowly, he wiggled the plug back and forth as Livvie pushed, until finally it popped out. “Oh!” Livvie cried out.
As Caleb dispensed with the toy, Livvie turned onto her side and wept into his bedspread. He returned shortly, at a loss for how he wanted to proceed. He needed to make her his. He pulled her up off the bed and turned her toward it. His heart ached when she didn’t resist.
Easy, Caleb. Don’t break her. Win her.
Caleb wrapped his arms around Livvie and pulled her close. He needed her close. She trembled in his arms, her chest heaved with sobs. Caleb buried his nose in her neck and shut his eyes tightly.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I know. I know you only did it because I told you to.” Livvie gasped and squirmed in his arms as she tried to turn around, but Caleb held her in place.
He needed to say things to her, and he couldn’t do it unless his eyes were closed and her body was pressed against his. That was his way.
He’d confessed so many things to her in the dark. He’d whispered to her as she’d slept. He’d held her close to him and fantasized about all the things he wanted and yet felt could never be his. He’d discovered a secret place inside himself in those moments.
He was done fantasizing. He wanted his desires to become reality.
“I’m fucked in the head, Livvie. I know it. I know I’m wrong,” he whispered and held her tighter. She was frozen in his arms.