Chapter 18 - Keira #2
"Like you, little bird." Valas reaches out to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear, his touch infinitely gentle.
The moment stretches, peaceful despite the chaos outside—and then something crashes with a sound like the world splitting open.
All three of us freeze. The noise came from outside, distant but unmistakably violent. Like massive weight hitting earth with catastrophic force.
Valas is on his feet immediately, moving to the window to peer out into the storm. I watch his expression shift from concern to something grimmer.
"Trees," he says. "Multiple by the sound of it. And—" He stops, pressing closer to the glass. "There's one of the other cabins in that direction. I saw smoke from the chimney when we arrived."
My stomach drops. I can already see where this is going. "Valas—"
"I have to check." He's already moving toward the door, grabbing his cloak from where he dropped it. "If someone's hurt—"
"You can't go out in this!" I stand, keeping one hand on Amisra's shoulder. "It's not safe—"
"I'm a healer." He turns to face me and the resolve in his expression is absolute. Immovable. "If there are people in that cabin and they're injured, I can't just sit here and hope they're fine."
"Valas—"
"You'll be safe here." His gaze softens as it moves between Amisra and me. "The cabin's warded. No trees nearby. Nothing will get through to hurt you. I'll be back as soon as I can."
Then he's gone, the door slamming shut behind him before I can formulate another argument. Before I can tell him that his safety matters too, that Amisra and I need him, that walking into a storm this violent is reckless even for someone with his power.
The wind howls like it's celebrating his departure.
I stand frozen for a moment, staring at the closed door while rain batters the windows and lightning tears the sky apart. Then Amisra's small hand slips into mine and I remember I'm not alone. That I have a responsibility here that doesn't include falling apart.
"Uncle Val will be okay," she says softly. "Won't he?"
"Yes." I force the word past the tightness in my throat, kneeling to pull her close. "Of course he will. He's strong and smart and he'll come back to us safe."
I pray to gods I'm not sure I believe in that I'm telling the truth.
The storm worsens. Rain becomes a solid wall of water, wind screaming around the cabin's corners like it's looking for weaknesses to exploit. Thunder and lightning happen nearly simultaneously now—the storm directly overhead, furious and relentless.
I try to distract Amisra. Settle us on the couch near the fire where Valas's floating lights still drift in their gentle patterns. Tell her stories about brave warriors and clever heroines, adventures that end in triumph and safety and everyone coming home whole.
But my gaze keeps drifting to the windows. To the darkness beyond where Valas disappeared into chaos and danger with nothing but his magic and his damned healer's oath to protect him.
Time stretches. Minutes feeling like hours while the storm rages and my anxiety builds with every crash of thunder, every flash of lightning that briefly illuminates the wild landscape.
Amisra's questions slow, then stop. Her breathing evens out as exhaustion finally claims her, grief and travel and fear catching up all at once. She curls against my side with her lunox clutched tight, asleep in the way only children can manage—finding peace even when the world is falling apart.
I should sleep too. Should close my eyes and trust that Valas will return safe, that his promise to come back wasn't empty words.
But I can't. Can't stop staring out the window toward where he vanished. Can't stop cataloging every horrible possibility—trees crushing him, lightning striking him down, the mountain itself deciding to swallow him whole.
Can't stop realizing that I've been an absolute fool.
He's right here. Was right here. Has been here for months, offering me everything I claimed I didn't want but secretly craved with every breath.
And I squandered it. Kept him at arm's length even after we'd crossed lines together, even after he'd made it clear he wanted more than physical pleasure. I wrapped myself in fear and self-protection and convinced myself it was wisdom when really it was just cowardice.
What if he doesn't come back?
The thought steals the air from my lungs. What if this storm takes him from us the way illness took Daryn? What if Amisra wakes up tomorrow having lost another person she loves, and I have to live knowing I wasted the time we had together because I was too scared to risk being hurt?
Who cares if he holds my contract when I want to give him everything anyway? My trust, my body, my heart—all of it. Not because I'm obligated or owned or have no other choice, but because he's Valas and he's kind and brave and so impossibly good it makes me want to weep.
Because he looks at me like I'm starlight and calls me that with such tenderness it feels like prayer. Because he's never once used the power he has over me and I don't believe he ever will. Because I love him.
The realization doesn't come gently. It crashes through me with the same violence as the storm—undeniable and overwhelming and so terrifyingly absolute I have to press my free hand against my chest to confirm my heart is still beating.
I love him. I'm in love with Valas Morthen and I've been fighting it for months because I was too afraid to admit that sometimes the thing you want most is also the thing that scares you worst.
Another crash echoes through the storm and I'm on my feet before I can think, moving to the window to press my face against the glass. Lightning illuminates the landscape in stark relief and I see it—another massive tree falling in the distance. Directly onto the cabin Valas went to check.
My heart stops. Just completely stops beating for one endless moment while I stare at where the cabin used to be visible and now there's only darkness and destruction and gods, please, please don't let him be in there.
"Valas." His name tears from my throat, barely more than a whisper but carrying every ounce of desperate fear I'm feeling. "Please come back. Please be okay. Please—"
But the storm swallows my words and Valas doesn't answer and I'm left standing at the window with tears on my cheeks and the horrible certainty that I might be too late.
That I might have wasted my chance at something real because I was too busy protecting walls that never kept me safe anyway, just alone.
And now he's out there in the dark and the danger and I can't do anything but wait and hope and pray that I get the opportunity to tell him everything I should have said before.
That I want him. Choose him. Love him.
That he can have all of me if he'll just come back safe.