Chapter 33
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
ARENA
“What in the hell happened to you?” Gwen asked as she tied off the boat.
I could barely hear her over Lettie’s sobbing. She was being quiet, but it was still right in my ear because she was clinging to me. I patted her shoulder and looked at Gwen.
“One of the supposed myths pulled me from the water.”
That dried up Lettie’s tears. She jerked her head off my shoulder to look at me, her face pink and tear-streaked and filled with fear.
“No. It was a man. A big one. I saw him.”
Wishing I could lie to her, I slowly shook my head.
“He’s a fey. And there are more than one of them.” I wiped some of her tears and looked at Gwen. “I don’t know how many—he wouldn’t say—but more will be coming. They’re looking for women. Apparently, they don’t have any of their own.”
“Shit,” Gwen breathed, coming over to squeeze my arm. “Are you okay?”
“Wait, are you saying that he…” Lettie started crying again.
“It hasn’t come to that yet. He said he’d wait until I’m willing. Stop crying now, or you’re going to call the infected in before you can leave.”
“Why are you saying that like you’re not coming with? Let’s load this stuff up and go. Thanks to you, we won’t need to come back for a while.”
“I can’t,” I said, playfully squishing Lettie’s face between my hands so she wouldn’t freak out. “If I leave, he’ll go looking for a replacement. He seems content enough with me, and trading sex for all I can eat food doesn’t bother me. Better me than any of you.”
“Are you serious?” Gwen demanded. “How could it not bother you? It bothers me. We’re leaving now. He won’t find us. We’ll be fine.”
I was shaking my head before she even stopped talking.
“No, we won’t be. If he doesn’t find us, the people who heard we have supplies will. What were you thinking, Gwen? Promising supplies over the radio? I was coming here to leave a note when Nav heard you.”
She looked confused.
“Nav? Who’s that? What happened to Eric? I thought that’s why you were here. For the meet-up.”
I wanted to groan. “Please tell me you didn’t coordinate a meet-up location over the radio.”
Gwen was pretty level-headed. She didn’t take risks and didn’t get angry…usually. The red flush consuming her face indicated we were about to witness one of the rare exceptions to her even temper.
“What in the hell was I supposed to do, Arena? We can’t keep losing people, or everyone is just going to give up. Hell, more than half already have. We need—I can’t—” She took a calming breath, letting it out slowly. “We’re not going back without you.”
I knew by the stubborn look in her eyes that she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. At least not without a good reason.
“I’m living in a house with running water and heat, Gwen.
The basement is filled with enough dry goods to last a month.
Maybe even a year. And every night, they bring back more to the house, and to this dock.
I get that people are scared, but that’s because you’re scared.
I’m not. If I stay, there will be supplies on this dock every day for everyone on the island.
“They found a greenhouse for me. I’ve already planted early vegetables.
Can you imagine? Fresh produce again, Gwen?
The kids need it. Everyone needs it. Please, let me stay.
We both know I hated being on the water anyway.
Trading my body to keep myself and everyone else on the island fed and safe is way less terrifying than more boat rides. ”
The heat left her gaze, and her shoulders slumped in defeat.
“Is it really safe for you?” she asked. “We both know what we saw rolling out of the pharmacy.”
“They’ve only killed infected. They knocked out Eric and his crew when he tried to take me.”
She cringed.
“Yeah,” I said. “Eric wasn’t as reasonable as you when I said I didn’t want to leave with him. He said he needed the supplies. Now that taking me back fell through, I’m worried about you. Make sure you’re not being watched on the way back.”
She and Lettie shared a glance.
“We’ll take the long way,” she said.
Lettie nodded and wrapped her arm around my waist, hugging me again.
“I can stay with you,” she said.
We both knew she couldn’t—she’d have a panic attack the first time she saw Nav up close—but I loved her for wanting to protect me.
“Is there anything else you need?” I asked. “I can have them look for it and leave it for you tonight.”
“Just you back where you belong,” Gwen said. “I’ll let you stay for now, but not forever. If he starts looking violent, don’t stay quiet. And I want daily notes from you.”
I nodded and watched her and Lettie pick up boxes from the supply piles.
It took them a few trips, but once the boat was loaded, they trolled away from the dock.
I waved to Lynn and Asha and watched them leave.
They headed east, following the shoreline.
I hoped it would be enough to mislead anyone watching.
Turning, I looked for Nav. He stood at the end of the road. Stance wide, arms loose at his sides, head bowed, he didn’t look okay. I frowned, wondering what had happened. He wasn’t still worried I would leave, was he?
My heart skipped a beat at the thought, and I smiled to myself.
I hadn’t been lying when I said I didn’t mind trading my body for food.
In fact, I’d been underselling how much I didn’t mind.
Nav wasn’t some human guy looking for a random lay.
It’d taken me a while to understand just how different he was…
on the inside. He was the first man I’d ever been with who cuddled me after making me see stars.
He was the first one to wake up before me and make breakfast. Not for him.
Not for us. But just for me. He’d even found me the ingredients to make pizza and a teal pillow. He listened to me, and he acted.
Who would want to give that up? And add on top of that a body made to be licked? I wasn’t an idiot. They would have to drag me kicking and screaming back to the island.
With my thoughts locked in on what I wanted to do to him when we got home, I started jogging toward him.
He didn’t look up.
Not even when I was twenty feet away.
My steps started to slow. I stopped at ten feet, knowing it was already too close if I needed to run for any reason.
“Nav? You weren’t bitten again…were you?”
He finally lifted his head, his tortured gaze finding mine.
“Was everything a trade? Were you unwilling the whole time?”
Those hoarsely worded questions stabbed through me like spears as I realized he’d heard everything. He knew they were on an island. He knew they were purposely headed in the wrong direction.
His gaze searched mine as understanding and panic sank deep.
He saw it all.
And he sighed.
Just like Gwen had. Defeated.
“There are too many infected. I will need to carry you back.”
I nodded jerkily.
He approached slowly, not with his usual confident stride. When he reached me, his gaze swept my face.
“Do I have your permission to pick you up?”
What?
“Of course.”
He turned his head away from me as he lifted me into his arms. And he didn’t hold me close like he usually did. Not that he held me out like he was going to drop me or anything, but there was still more breathing room than there’d been before.
I tipped my head back to look up at him as he ran. He didn’t look at me, instead keeping his gaze fixed straight ahead.
Confused, I kept my mouth shut until we were back at the house.
“Are you mad?” I asked.
His clipped “No” indicated otherwise.
Was everything a trade? Were you unwilling the whole time?
He wasn’t changing his mind about me because he knew I wasn’t that willing in the beginning, was he? I needed to show him that wasn’t the case now.
I closed the distance between us and palmed his length. For the first time ever, it was completely soft.
Shit.
He caught my wrist in his hand and pulled it away.
“I’ll get whatever you need, Arena. For you or your family. You don’t need to trade your body for anything. And I won’t replace you with one of them. Ever.” He let go of my wrist. “I thought I was winning your heart.”
He turned and walked out the back door as I stood there, stunned.
Nav wanted…a relationship?
I slowly sat on the couch in disbelief. I had to be wrong.
Yet, as I thought back on all the things he’d said and all the things I’d overheard over the last few days, it rang true.
Yes, they were looking for females. Yes, they wanted sex.
But more than anything, they wanted forever.
They cooked. They cleaned. They pampered.
Hell, I had a stockpile of pads, tampons, chocolate, and freeze-dried ice cream in the basement.
And that big softie had apologized that all the frozen stuff was bad and then promised to get milk from the “communities” to make me real stuff if I needed it. I’d thought he’d been lying.
But nope.
He hadn’t lied about anything. He’d been honest with me the whole time, thinking we were what? Dating? And I’d been…using him.
Wincing, I tipped my head back in regret.
How did I apologize for that? A simple, “I’m sorry,” wasn’t going to cut it. Standing, I hurried to the kitchen and wrenched open the door so hard that it banged off the cabinet.
Nav looked up from the dirt he was already shoveling, his expression somewhat despondent.
“I’ve never been in a healthy relationship,” I blurted.
He blinked and straightened a little more.
Taking that as a good sign, I pushed forward.
“The type of guys I dated before everything imploded were users. They only wanted me for sex. It was…normal, I guess. Not what I wanted, but always what I ended up with. You’d think I would get smarter, right?
Watch for red flags? The hints of indifference or selfishness?
I think I just found ones who were better at hiding it.
Before the end, I stopped expecting anything more than being used.
“I know you’re not human, but human men are all I know. I didn’t understand, Nav. And I’m sorry.”
“What didn’t you understand?”
Was he really going to make me say it?
“That you were never trying to use me. That you want a real relationship. That you’re one of the safe ones who isn’t out for a quick lay but wants a partner for life.”
He looked down at the shovel, and I would have given anything to know what he was thinking.
“Can we start over? Please?”