Chapter 9 Tula
TULA
Tula woke with a gasp, her silk nightgown clinging to her sweat-dampened skin. The dream lingered like smoke in her mind—vivid and disturbing in a way that made her angry.
What the hell was damn Esag doing in her dream?
Even after five thousand years, she would recognize that flaming red hair and those green eyes anywhere. He looked exactly the same as he had when he'd broken Gulan's heart, except that in her dream, he looked sad rather than cocky.
Good. He deserved nothing but misery, in this life and the next, for the grief and heartbreak that he'd caused Gulan and their entire family.
Tula pressed her palms against her eyes, trying to scrub away the image, but it persisted.
Why him? Why now? Oh, right. He was in the village now, somehow having been found in Egypt of all places, and Wonder had forgiven the bastard.
She didn't know all the details because Areana hogged the communicator and rarely let Tula speak to Wonder.
What she knew about Esag was what Annani had told Areana, and it hadn't been much.
"Tula?" Tony's voice was thick with sleep. "What's wrong?" The mattress shifted as he rolled toward her, his hand finding her shoulder in the darkness. "Another nightmare about the rebellion?"
She shook her head, then realized that his human eyes probably couldn't see the gesture in the dark. "No. It was just an annoying dream."
Tony pushed himself up on one elbow, more awake now. "Want to talk about it?"
"Not really." But even as she said it, she knew the dream wouldn't leave her alone unless she acknowledged it. She pulled her knees up, wrapping her arms around them. "I dreamed about someone from my past. Someone I still hate."
"One of Navuh's men?"
"No. Someone from before. A guy who hurt my sister. His name is Esag, I mean was, and he was so full of himself. He led my sister on, showing her attention and making her fall in love with him while he was engaged to another and had no intentions of breaking that engagement."
"I know the type. A player."
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Is that what you were before they lured you to the island?"
He chuckled. "I wanted to be, but it never really worked out. Players know how to be charming, how to make women fall for them. I was always a little odd."
"You're not odd, and I'm very glad that you weren't like Esag.
He was exactly how you described a player—a handsome, charming redhead.
" The words that had been coming slowly at first were getting faster as old anger bubbled up.
"He was Khiann's squire, and he was tall, broad-shouldered, and always in a good mood, ready with a joke or a tease.
He had this way of making everyone around him smile, but I saw through his mask.
I knew he was no good for Gulan. She was so naive. "
She wished she could tell him that Gulan had turned into Wonder, found a much nicer redhead to marry, and was living happily with Annani's clan, but Tony couldn't know about the secret communication between Annani and Areana.
No one could know about that.
Tula could still picture Esag clearly—the easy grin, the way he'd ruffle her hair and call her 'little sprite.'
"Gulan was so blindly in love with him," Tula continued.
"She would light up every time he got near her, and blush.
But we were a poor family, and the only reason Gulan was chosen to be the princess's companion was her size and strength.
She was much stronger than even the immortal males, and Annani's parents liked having an additional layer of protection for their daughter.
I guess they also hoped that quiet, reserved Gulan would be a good influence on the wild Annani.
" She chuckled. "But that didn't work out.
Annani dragged poor Gulan into one crazy adventure after another, and sometimes they even used me to hide the fact that the princess had snuck out of the palace.
I would lie in her bed and pretend to be her. "
"Did you like doing that?" Tony asked.
"I loved it. I felt so privileged to be the princess's confidant. Annani also rewarded me for my services with jewelry that was worth much more than the little things I did for her. It was her way to help our family without it looking like charity."
"I like your Princess Annani. Did she die with the other gods?"
Tula shrugged. "We don't know for sure. There are rumors that her descendants are the enemies of the Brotherhood, but Lord Navuh never confirmed it."
"What about Esag? Did he die?"
"Probably," she lied. "I don't know why he's bothering me in my sleep."
Tony frowned. "If your sister looked anything like you, she must have been a stunner, and from what you are telling me, she was a nice girl. He must have been in love with her."
He traced the pad of his thumb gently along her jaw, and Tula rewarded Tony's sweet compliment with a smile.
"Esag was engaged, and it was arranged between Ashegan's family and his.
Good family, lots of wealth, everything his parents wanted, and his marriage to Ashegan would have meant an elevated status for the entire family.
His sisters would have gotten better matches as well.
I can understand why he didn't want to give it up.
What I'm angry about is that he still pursued Gulan while knowing he wasn't going to do right by her. "
She remembered watching them together, seeing the hope bloom in her sister's eyes every time Esag appeared. Gulan would spend hours preparing for the possibility of seeing him—braiding her hair just so, wearing her best tunics, and practicing smiles in front of the mirror.
"Gulan convinced herself that he would break the engagement," Tula said. "She believed he loved her enough to defy his family and choose her over wealth and status. Esag let her believe it. Let her hope."
"That's cruel," Tony said.
"It gets worse." Tula's hands clenched into fists.
"When it came time for his wedding, when it was clear he was going through with it, do you know what he offered her?
What that bastard thought was an acceptable consolation prize?
" She didn't wait for Tony to guess. "He offered to make her his concubine.
He said that after he married Ashegan, he would have enough money for two households, and he would put Gulan up in a nice home and spend as little time as he could with his wife.
He actually thought that my proud sister would be grateful for the scraps he was offering her. "
Tula had no idea how Gulan had been able to forgive him. Perhaps she was so incredibly happy with Anandur that she was incapable of holding grudges. That was a good place to be, and Tula wished she could be like Gulan, but they didn't share the same temperament.
She wasn't the forgiving type.
Tony's hand stilled on her back. "What did your sister do?"
"She said no, even though it broke her heart. She ran away, and by doing so put our entire family in a dire situation. We needed the wages Gulan was bringing home. That's why Annani arranged for me to become Areana's companion." She sighed. "Anyway, I've hated redheads ever since."
Well, not all redheads. Wonder was married to a very nice one. Anandur seemed like a wonderful mate, loyal and steadfast, and nothing like Esag. Annani was a redhead, too, and Tula worshipped her.
"I just hate Esag," she corrected. "Which is why the dream was so disturbing."
In the dream, he hadn't seemed like the arrogant ass she remembered. He seemed sad. Lost. Like he was drowning in regret.
"What did he want?" Tony asked.
"I don't know. He didn't say anything, but he looked like he needed something. Forgiveness, maybe?" She snorted. "As if he would ever get that from me. I'm not the type who forgives and forgets. Cross me once, and you'll earn my scorn for eternity."
Tony was quiet for a moment. "If he's dead, you shouldn't hold on to your grudge. We are supposed to forgive the deceased, and if we don't, they will haunt us until we do. Otherwise, it's unfinished business for them."
She arched a brow. "Perhaps in your religion, but not in mine. Besides, what unfinished business would he have with me? I was just the little sister who he barely paid any attention to."
"Maybe the business isn't with you specifically. Maybe it's about Gulan, and since she's dead and he can't get forgiveness from her, he seeks it from you."
Gulan wasn't dead, and she'd already forgiven Esag, but if he needed even more forgiveness, he could bother Gulan in her sleep instead of annoying Tula.
"Even if he's suffering in the void because of his guilty conscience, I don't care. He doesn't deserve peace, and he certainly doesn't deserve it from me or my family."
"That's harsh."
"Is it?" She turned to face Tony. "No one forced him to lead my sister on. He could have been honest from the beginning and admitted that he found her attractive but was going to marry Ashegan anyway for her money and status."
"Maybe he did." Tony reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Did you ask Gulan about it?"
Tula shook her head.
"He might have told her exactly that, and she still hoped he would change his mind." Tony smiled. "Did I ever tell you about my cousin who was seeing a married man?"
Tula shook her head, and Tony launched into a long story about how his cousin wasted years of her life hoping the married man would one day divorce his wife for her, while he had never promised her that.
It was possible that Tony was right about Esag being truthful with Gulan, but it still didn't absolve him of guilt.
"He should have known better. Every time he sought her out, every time he gave her a gift or a compliment or a lingering look, he was choosing to keep her hopes alive while knowing he would never follow through. "
Tula could feel the old anger building, making her chest tight, but it was almost a relief to feel something other than the constant anxiety about the escape plan and leaving her sisters behind.
Tony pulled her against him, and she let herself lean into his warmth. His hand found her belly, just resting there, and she covered it with her own.
"I think that the dream bothers you so much because seeing Esag sad makes you feel something other than hatred toward him. You always want to make everyone feel better, even when you don't think they deserve it."
Trust Tony to cut right to the heart of it. She'd felt something in that dream—a flicker of recognition, maybe even empathy. Esag had looked the way she felt most days now: trapped, desperate, full of regrets.
"I don't want to feel anything for him except contempt," she admitted. "But in the dream, it was like we were the same somehow. Both of us lost, both of us carrying sorrow we couldn't unload."
"You're not lost," Tony said firmly. "We're getting out of here—"
"Shh." She pressed a finger to his lips. "I know. But until then, I feel lost. Adrift. Like I'm drowning and I can't even call for help. It's the fear that nothing will come of it."
Tony kissed her fingers, then pulled her hand away to hold it. "The dream could mean nothing, you know. Just your mind processing stress in weird ways."
"Maybe." But she didn't think so. The dream had felt different from her usual anxiety-driven nightmares of running in circles and not finding a way out. More meaningful. More real.
"Esag is probably reaching from beyond the veil and wants to make amends. You should forgive him and let it rest."
"No. He can rot in whatever hell exists for selfish immortal bastards. I don't care if he's sorry. I don't care if he regrets everything. Sorry doesn't undo the damage."
She realized she was getting worked up again, her voice rising, and forced herself to take a deep breath. Getting emotional wasn't good for the baby. Areana had said so. She needed to stay calm.
"I need to go back to sleep." She yawned. "It's just stress manifesting in weird ways. For some reason, my brain has decided to torment me with images of people I hate because, apparently, I don't have enough torment in my life."
She wanted to believe that, but the dream lingered like a bad taste. Those sad green eyes haunted her, making her remember Esag before he'd become the man who had broken her sister's heart. He'd been funny once, kind even.
Had that person been real or just another mask?
"I hate him," she said, but the words felt hollow now. "I hate what he did. I hate what he represented—the careless cruelty of someone who had power over another person's heart and misused it."
"Like Navuh?" Tony asked.
She wanted to lash out at Tony and tell him to stop playing head doctor, but there was something to what he'd said.
"No, not like him. Lord Navuh never pretended to love any of us. He never led us on and made us believe that he might choose any of us over Areana." She shook her head. "Isn't it ironic? The evil dictator chose a higher moral ground than the weak-minded, selfish squire."