Chapter 36 Tula
TULA
Tula floated on her back, staring at the painted ceiling designed to look like the sky, and tried not to scream.
It had been three days since Areana had spoken with Annani. Three days of living in limbo, not knowing if a rescue was coming and if, by some miracle, all four of them would be saved.
She'd prayed to the Fates and refused to let go of the last shreds of hope, clinging to them with desperation.
It was the only way she could deal with the crushing guilt.
Every time she looked at Tamira's face or heard Tony mention Areana's promise to find a way to get them off the island, something died inside of her, and the only way she could keep up a pretense of normality was to cling to the irrational hope that the next time Areana spoke with Annani, she would hear good news.
"You are going to get wrinkles in that porcelain skin of yours." Tamira swam up beside her.
"I'm immortal. We don't get wrinkles."
"If you frown nonstop, you will." Tamira flipped onto her back and floated next to Tula. "What's going on with you?"
"You know. Same old stuff."
"The pregnancy?" Tamira whispered.
"Not just that."
There was such a long moment of silence that Tula turned her head to look at Tamira.
The female was staring at the ceiling, her expression serene. "She sounded so convincing when she said there was another way."
They both knew who Tamira meant.
"You seemed to know what she was talking about." Tamira turned her head to look at Tula. "It's not going to work out, is it?"
"I don't know," Tula said truthfully. "I'm praying, but it doesn't look good." She was reminded of the need to prepare the others for her pretend suicide. "I won't let them take my child," she whispered. "I'd rather die and end his life along with mine."
"Don't talk like that." Tamira flipped so she was standing in the pool, her face inches above Tula's. "He deserves to live and find his own way, like my son has done."
If she didn't have to fake her suicide, Tula might have agreed with Tamira.
Maybe.
"I don't want him to grow up a monster."
"He might not," Tamira said. "Your son will choose his own path."
"Or it will be chosen for him," Tula said bitterly, letting tears flood her eyes.
It wasn't hard. All she had to do was to relinquish control and let the floodgates open.
Tamira put her hand on Tula's shoulder. "Promise me that you won't do anything stupid."
She couldn't do that. Everyone had to believe that she'd chosen death. "Don't mind me and my bad mood. I'm just tired. Haven't been sleeping well."
"Nightmares?"
"Yeah." Tula seized on the excuse.
"If you want, I can ask Elias to prepare something to relax you. Something gentle that will not be dangerous to the baby."
"That would be great, thank you." Tula forced a smile.
Tamira didn't smile back. "I'm here if you need to talk. You know that, right?"
The kindness slayed Tula. "I know. Thank you."
Across the pool, Tony and Elias were engaged in a breath-holding competition, both of them disappearing beneath the surface. Sarah and Raviki cheered them on from the edge, taking bets on who would surface first.
It all looked so normal. They were just friends enjoying a weekend together, not prisoners, and if not for the life growing inside of her, Tula might have accepted this as enough.
Many across the globe would have killed for their gilded cage, and complaining about it sounded ungrateful for the luxury and safety they were enjoying.
But it came at a steep cost—their children's futures.
At the deep end of the pool, Areana was floating peacefully with her eyes closed. She looked serene, unbothered. But Tula knew better. Areana carried her bucketful of unsettling secrets, her own burden of guilt.
Making a decision, Tula pushed away from Tamira with an apologetic smile and swam toward Areana.
"Are you going to call today?" Tula whispered.
"Wednesday," Areana said just as quietly.
Frustration flared hot in Tula's chest. "Why wait?"
"Because nothing is urgent enough to risk exposure." Areana opened her eyes, turning to face Tula. "I know you want answers, and I wish I could give them to you. But things like this take time to plan. Even if I called today, she wouldn't have answers for me."
Tula knew Areana was right, but knowing didn't make the waiting any easier.
"I have to know if they can't take all of us. The guilt is eating me alive."
Areana's expression was sad. "I know, my dear. But it is most likely that you will have to go alone. You'll have to make a choice, whether to stay or go."
"I've already made it." The words came out flat but certain. "If they can only take me, I'm going. I have to. For my son."
"I know." Areana squeezed her hand.
Tula glanced across the pool to where her partner had just surfaced, gasping and laughing as Elias emerged a moment later. "Tony will blame himself, thinking he should have seen how desperate I was."
"He will grieve," Areana agreed. "But that is not your burden to carry. As a mother, your first responsibility is to your child. Everything else is secondary."
That hadn't been the choice Areana had made. She'd chosen Navuh over her sons. Then again, she hadn't had any other options. That was long before she'd discovered that Annani lived and could help her. She'd been on her own, with nothing but her wits and her resilience to rely on.
Tula had been there for her, had witnessed the goddess's desperation, her acceptance of the inevitable, her trust in her mate that he would take care of their sons.
"Tula!" Tony called from across the pool. "Come help me settle an argument with Elias!"
She forced a smile and waved, then looked back at Areana one more time.
"Thank you," Tula said quietly. "For risking everything to help me."
"Thank me when you're free," Areana whispered.