Chapter 14 #2
He should have taken a closer look at the other two women, but he’d been wholly focused on Sarika and her memories.
What she’d gone through. He would have to revisit the memories.
He had them locked in his mind. He would have to ask Sarika’s permission to share them with his brothers.
He’d always shared information—it was automatic—but Sarika’s private thoughts and memories belonged to her.
He didn’t have the right to give them to anyone, not even the two men he loved and trusted the most in the world.
Sarika shifted in her chair, her gaze sweeping over him, eyes still distant and glazed with turning inward, but she saw him.
That hit him like a punch. She felt the moment he realized he would be separate from his brothers.
It was difficult to think he wouldn’t have what he always had.
Sarika was giving so much in the relationship, but perhaps that loss, for him, equaled what she would be losing.
He felt the wash of her female power, the love and compassion that she gave to the jaguar she gave to him.
She shouldn’t be aware of his presence, but she was.
She was aware of his thoughts as well. He wasn’t broadcasting.
He was an ancient, and his kind were automatically careful.
They didn’t make mistakes because mistakes would cost them not only their lives but the lives of many others as well.
Yet she knew. She was aware. In whatever powerful state she was in, her feminine magic, that of selfless, unconditional love and compassion, enabled her to see him as well as the jaguar she was engaging.
He felt at peace, a testament to her magic, when he’d felt such sadness just moments earlier.
He was still struggling with coming to terms with having emotions, and for the most part, he held them at bay.
That was impossible when he was in her mind, sharing the experience with her.
Tomas wanted to tell her that he thought she was magic.
That she was an unbelievable being, and he was grateful she was his personal miracle.
He couldn’t do those things because she had her attention once more completely centered on the jaguar, and the cat couldn’t know he was taking up even a tiny portion of her mind.
He knew that would be a trigger for the animal.
She would believe that the Carpathians were controlling not only Solange but Sarika as well.
The cat was nearly weeping, and Tomas felt the burn of tears behind his eyes. That had never happened to him before. Not ever. It was just that he was feeling the animal’s pain amplified by what Sarika was feeling. That compassion and heartache for the lost jaguar.
I can imagine it feels that way to you, especially since there was no consulting with you. You two always found answers together. You always discussed where you would go and how you would handle problems. I see that so clearly, and I feel your sorrow for what you believe to be betrayal.
It was—is—betrayal unless he took her without her permission. Carpathians can take over anyone’s mind. See into their thoughts. Direct their actions. That’s what he’s done. It has to be, or she wouldn’t have left me.
That hurt, any way one looked at it. Tomas knew that, to some extent, Sarika felt the same way.
That he was taking over her life. That he made decisions that affected her without getting her consent or talking it over with her.
The worst of it was he knew it would happen in the future.
When it came to safety and health, there would be no arguing.
His duty was to protect her, and that was one of his greatest strengths—that instinct.
His protective and extremely loyal nature.
Those shared characteristics had always bound his brothers to him and kept all of them safe throughout the centuries.
His name is Dominic Dragonseeker. Are you aware of him? Deliberately, Sarika named him.
Tomas knew she was paving the way to make Dominic an ally.
He didn’t see it in her mind; there didn’t appear to be any master plan, but he was beginning to know his lifemate and the way her brain worked out strategies.
This mess required careful handling. Over the years, the wounds the cat felt had deepened and were thoroughly entrenched in her mind.
He is the enemy. I have studied everything about him.
Has he harmed Solange? She poured purity into the question. Not alarm. She asked it with that same calm serenity. No judgment. Just a thought-provoking question the jaguar would have to answer.
There was hesitation. The jaguar wanted to condemn the Dragonseeker, but it was clear that the animal was trying to be fair.
To cooperate. That was a testament to Sarika’s abilities.
She didn’t take over the cat with her power; she simply provided the animal with calm.
There was no confrontation. Just acceptance of the jaguar’s feelings.
Tomas found himself feeling that same empathy and acceptance of the animal, despite the threat it presented not only to Sarika but to an unborn child.
He has changed her.
Did he? Or did Solange repress her feminine side to be the great warrior you helped develop?
You said she was forced from a very young age to become a fighter.
You are female. You have needs as a female.
She might have set those needs aside, but that didn’t mean she didn’t feel them.
Can you recall those times? She must have shared with you when she felt vulnerable.
You were her beloved counsel and friend.
You were her only family, the one she trusted to always have her best interests at heart.
She trusted you to want the best for her.
Did that mean she only confided in you about battle tactics?
Help me to understand Solange’s life. Her way of thinking.
Again, gentle pleading, as if Sarika believed the jaguar would always have understanding of Solange and would want what was best for her. Not what was best for the cat, or the two of them together, but what was truly best for Solange. In essence, the cat had acted like a mother, not just a mentor.
Sarika was able to convey those things to the jaguar because she seemed to genuinely have faith in the animal. Tomas was astonished at her patience and gentle guidance. She didn’t try to push whatever she thought onto the animal; she waited for the jaguar to come to its own conclusions.
The jaguar was silent for a long time, and Sarika didn’t interrupt her thoughts. She stayed quiet, respectful, just waiting.
She was very much afraid to show she had any vulnerabilities.
She didn’t want the shifters to ever see her as a woman.
That scared her. She was royalty and the only hope for the female shifters in captivity.
If she didn’t rescue them and get them away safely, she knew those women were doomed to lives of torture and rape.
She couldn’t afford to be soft or vulnerable.
She couldn’t chance being attracted to a man.
The jaguar gave an honest answer.
Even with you guiding her, that must have been such a lonely life. And frightening every minute. She must have always felt she wasn’t good enough. Would never be good enough.
The jaguar made a single sound of pain. I tried to tell her that every being needed balance, but she couldn’t hear me through her fear.
And she had reason to fear. More than any other, Brodrick searched for one with her blood.
It didn’t matter that she was his daughter, he would have imprisoned her just as he did the others.
But he thought he had killed all of his offspring.
The jaguar sighed. There was a massacre, she was very young, but when he questioned her, she refused to give me up. He tried to tear out her throat.
How did she survive? There was genuine interest in Sarika’s gentle inquiry. Tomas was just as interested.
The jaguar looked uncomfortable. When he tortured her to try to force me to show myself, she would position her body in such a way he didn’t harm me. He stabbed her with the point of a knife multiple times. You can see the scars on her body. But she never allowed that knifepoint to touch me.
There was admiration in the jaguar’s thoughts. Wonder that a child could be so protective that she would endure torture and even certain death so Brodrick the Terrible couldn’t get to her jaguar.
I was unhurt, and the moment he tossed her outside on the pile of dead and dying, I acted to stop her bleeding. I couldn’t allow attention to be called to her. I didn’t want them to know she still lived because they were in a killing frenzy. I just ensured she wouldn’t bleed to death.
Sarika gave the cat a serene smile. One of admiration. Again, you saved her life.
She saved mine, the jaguar corrected.
As she grew, it is clear you wanted her to have a relationship as a woman. You encouraged her to allow herself to be feminine.
Again, the cat sighed. She sank down onto her haunches and then stretched out, no longer a threat.
If anything, she was in a vulnerable position.
She wouldn’t listen. I don’t think she could listen.
Being a woman made her feel too vulnerable.
Jaguars submit to their mates. She was extremely submissive in that regard, and she despised that trait in herself.
She saw it as weakness. She vowed a man would never have dominance over her.
Sarika allowed that information to sink in. Allowed the jaguar to understand what she’d just revealed. You wanted so much more for her, didn’t you?
The jaguar rested her head on her paws. Yes. There were times I wanted her to have someone else watching over her. Comforting her. I couldn’t hold her when she cried. More and more, she would stay in the jaguar form rather than her human one so she wouldn’t have to cope with so much sorrow alone.