Chapter 3
THREE
KANE
Ava slowly lowers herself to the ground.
I close the last of the distance between us, unzipping my pants.
I can’t even look at her as I shove my hand into my boxers to jerk my cock.
I’ve always been a prick. It comes naturally when you’re at the top of the food chain. If anything, it’s what people expect from guys like me. The weak don’t last long. There are no saints in power, only villains.
Several strokes later, my cock is still limp in my hand. I almost give up, muttering under my breath. “Come on, come on.”
How hard can it be to get an erection? I’ve never had an issue before Jessica. But now all of a sudden, I have to close my eyes and think of her for it to happen?
Did she mess me up that much?
“Fuck…” I drop my chin to my chest.
Ava stares up at me with big eyes while I try to get blood pumping to my dick, my frantic breaths filling the air.
I’m being a total jerk, and I know it. But no matter how much I tug on my soft length, it stays flaccid.
The suffocating ache in my chest spreads like an infection, growing worse until a choking sound escapes my throat.
“Kane?” Ava’s voice is different now, filled with concern.
It’s not until she’s back on her feet, wiping my wet cheeks with her thumbs, that I realize I’m choking back sobs.
How humiliating. I’m crying, with my limp fucking dick in my hand, and she’s comforting me despite how I treated her like shit not five seconds ago.
“Fuck, Ava, I’m sorry.” I step back and slide my trembling hand from my boxers, the belt clanking as I buckle it.
“You’re shaking,” she says, turning me to face her. But I can’t bring myself to look at her.
Not after what I fucking did.
Hell, we’ve always played the game, but this was different. I humiliated her, and she didn’t want it.
Not like that.
“Hey…” She cups my cheeks and tries to look me in the eyes.
“Don’t.”
I can’t face how ugly my world is.
How ugly I am.
“I’m not upset with you, Kane. It’s okay.”
“None of this is okay.”
If I weren’t falling apart, I might be able to appreciate how strange it is to hear the soft edge to her voice. Ava’s always been fierce—a woman with a loud bark, but this version of her is gentle, and it makes me wonder how much of ourselves we hide from the world.
“I was an asshole,” I whisper.
“You’re always an asshole.” The teasing tone in her words makes me pause, and when her lips twitch, I blow out a heavy breath.
Maybe I didn’t fuck up too badly. Hopefully.
Once we’re back in the Bugatti, she watches me quietly while I wipe my cheeks with the back of my arm.
The crazy part is that I don’t think anyone has seen me cry like this, not even my brother.
And to think Ava, of all people, gets to be the first to witness it. Well, I’m not sure how to feel about that yet.
I have no doubt that she could screw me over if she wanted to.
“What happened back there, Kane?”
I release a slow, shaky breath and my chin begins to tremble as I press the heels of my palms into my eyes. Whatever I’m feeling… it’s just too much. My chest can’t hold this throbbing pain. Soon, I’ll break open and spill my emotions like a storm of blood and chaos.
I lower my hands. “I… uh…”
What is there left to say? I’ve messed up big time.
Ava’s face softens. “Has this got something to do with the pretty blonde back at Dark Lanes?”
I wince and rest my elbow on the doorframe, rubbing my eyebrow. “You saw that?”
“Everyone saw.”
A humorless chuckle rumbles in my chest. This is the part where I tell myself I did the right thing, but I’m so broken that I can’t think clearly.
Hell, just look at what happened here with Ava. I almost did something I would have regretted, just like my brother warned I might.
Not only would I have felt like I was cheating on the girl I love, but it also would have been a shitty thing to do.
Ever since Jessica came into the picture, it’s almost like I’ve been developing a conscience, crazy as that might seem to someone as cold and ruthless as me.
“I shouldn’t have done what I did out there. You deserve better.”
I wait for her to say something, but she stays quiet, watching me.
And I know, if I try to come up with some bullshit excuse, she’ll see right through it, so I don’t even try.
Because what’s the point?
I clear my throat and force myself to look her in the eye. “Look, you’re a beautiful woman, Ava—”
“But you’re in love with someone else.”
There’s that word again.
Love.
Such a simple but loaded word.
And not only because it makes Jessica my weakness and renders her vulnerable to danger, but also because I’ve never felt like this before.
It’s not about how hard she makes me.
It’s about how hard she makes my heart beat.
After all, she can make me feel excited and nauseous all at once with a simple smile or touch.
I’ve never wanted to make someone happy before, and I’ve never cared about doing the right thing.
“Yeah, I am,” I reply, my voice thick with emotion.
She smiles and looks down at her hands.
“She’s a lucky girl.”
There’s no jealousy behind her words, not even a hint of wishing she was in Jessica’s shoes.
She looks at me, a blush warming her cheeks. “Can I tell you something?”
“Of course.”
Her lips twitch slightly, as if she’s trying hard not to laugh at her own thoughts. “Last Thanksgiving, when we, uh…”
My chuckle is instant, and she looks at me with a light twinkle in her eye.
That’s when it dawns on me that this is the first time we’ve laughed together. Usually, we hide behind masks and power plays.
Because, after all, every step we take and every move we make is a piece on the chessboard. We don’t fuck because we’re horny. We fuck to make aggressive plays, form alliances, and keep our enemies close.
Ava nudges me with her elbow. “I was thinking of someone else.”
What? My chuckle dies, and I blink at her.
I wouldn’t say the grand illusions of my ego rival my father’s just yet. I still have some way to go before all hope is lost.
But they’re definitely on par with Scrooge McDuck. Or so it seems.
Just the thought of Ava thinking of another guy while I was pounding her tits…
In all honesty, she could have told me she was a virgin and I’d be less surprised.
She giggles, shoulders shaking with amusement at my surprised expression.
“You thought of someone else?” I ask, thinking perhaps I heard her wrong.
“Don’t look so shocked.”
I scoff, laughter spilling from my lips, and it feels good. It feels good to forget about the crap of the last hour.
“Who?” I ask, though I probably have an idea. But I won’t push because it’s not my business.
“Wouldn’t you like to know,” she teases, nudging me again. I have to admit, I’m pleasantly surprised by this side of her. In fact, I hope she lets more people see what’s behind the perfect lipstick and fake smiles.
We fall silent for a moment, but it’s a comfortable silence. I should probably take her home. Hell, the others might get ideas if they haven’t already.
But instead of turning the engine, I relax further into my seat, and she does the same, sighing contentedly, as if she, too, isn’t in any rush to go back.
“So what are you gonna do?” she asks, gazing out at the dark night and the stretch of empty road. “About the girl?”
I shrug. “Nothing."
She turns her head, and I can almost feel her frown. “What do you mean, ‘do nothing’? She loves you. I saw her.”
I swallow hard, forcing my mouth to stay still. “I’m letting her go.”
The leather creaks as she sits upright. “Kane, no—”
“Yes.” My tone lacks its usual authority. For once, I’m just… tired.
Ava puts her hand on my shoulder, and I hear her shaky breath. “Kane…”
“It’s the right thing to do.”
Breathing feels forced, like my lungs have lost their rhythm. I swallow, but the sensation remains.
Ava drops her hand with a defeated sigh and leans back in her seat.
“It’s so silent out here,” she says after a moment, rubbing her thumb against her palm. She’s right. It’s quiet enough that I can hear my own heartbeat.
And Ava’s soft breaths.
The creak of leather when we shift.
“You wanna head back?” I ask, drumming my thumb on the steering wheel.
Ava shakes her head, gazing at the field through the window. “No.”
My lips pull to the side, only slightly, and a rush of air leaves my lungs as I settle deeper into my seat.
“My father wants me to marry a Ravencourt brother. That’s why he arranged for me to come home and finish the semester here at the university instead of Oxford.”
I snort. “Good luck with that. I’m emotionally unavailable and apparently unable to get hard with anyone else now. And my brother has made it his mission to screw his way across the planet. If you chase him now, you might catch up with him by the time he sets off for Mars.”
“Never thought I’d see the day you couldn’t get it up.”
Her comment catches me off guard, and my shoulders shake before my laughter even escapes.
Seconds later, we’re both cackling.
Ava wipes tears from the corners of her eyes. “Here’s something else I never thought I’d say.” She faces me, a gentle smile touching her lips. “You’re a good guy.”
“Tell that to Jessica.”
“Jessica? That’s a beautiful name.”
“Yeah.” My hoarse voice scratches my throat. “Everything about her is beautiful.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
I glance at her, a muscle twitching along my cheek.
She bites her lip in that way she does when she wants to say more than she should. “Why are you letting her go?”
I look back at the steering wheel and press my nail into the leather, trying to figure out what to say.
How to best say it. I can’t tell her about the senator’s wife.
No, I’ll take that secret to the grave. And although Ava knows about the Society, she’s still in the dark about many things. All the wives and daughters are.
“What would your father say if you wanted to marry someone from the Falls?”
It’s a simple question, yet she winces.
And in that look lies the answer. People like us don’t fraternize with people like them.
“My father would never allow it,” I continue. “So whatever you imagine your father would do to you if he found out you had an affair with a guy from the Falls. Well, my father would do that to me, and worse.”
“And he could hurt her,” she finishes, voice low.
Ava may not know the full horrors of the Society, but she’s not naive. She was born into this world.
Another strategic move on the game board.
A useful bargaining chip in her father’s arsenal.
And while we have our own dreams and ambitions, none of it really matters. Because when the judge’s hammer slams down to seal our fate, we’ll marry the highest bidder, and we have no say in it.
“I don’t want to go home just yet,” she says after a long silence. “I doubt I’ll ever want to go home again.”
That makes sense.
What awaits us in Bleakmoor besides obligations, death, and heartache? Nothing.
A soft exhale escapes my lips.
“Me neither.”