Chapter 20 #3
At a loss for words, I watch her remove the dish from the oven.
Lasagna and garlic bread fill the kitchen with their rich, savory scent, and my stomach growls on cue. When was the last time I ate a full meal? It’s been a while since I had the time or the money to cook something this nice.
She looks past me and lights up. “Cash,” she exclaims. I didn’t realize he was here. How long was he watching us?
He pushes off the doorframe and smirks at me as he passes by. A pair of basketball shorts hangs low on his hips, and a white T-shirt stretches over his shoulders. He looks like he’s just come from the gym.
His mom holds out a spoon expectantly.
Cash tastes the food and sings her praises.
It’s sweet how he dotes over her, just like his brother dotes over people he loves.
I feel like an intruder witnessing a private moment.
I can’t look away from the scene. It’s another reminder I’d do anything to rewind time, to get another moment like it with my own family.
Chris used to hug Mom like she was more precious than any other woman on the planet, and of course she was.
She was his mom.
His first love.
His place of safety.
And she was mine.
I turn away from the scene and hug my arms around myself. Maybe if I hug myself tight enough, I can stop myself from breaking apart. Maybe I can stay together with prayers alone. I’m not religious, but please, if anyone is listening—
Cash’s warm chest lines up with my back. He slowly turns me around and pulls me into his firm chest. “I’ve got you.” His soothing voice rumbles against the top of my head as he wraps his arms around me.
My own arms hang limp at my sides, the steady thump, thump of his heart lulling me like a rowboat adrift on bouncing waves.
I exhale raggedly and slump into his embrace. I needed this hug. I needed someone to hold me together for a little while. Needed an anchor. I wrap my arms around his waist and cling to his shirt as if I’ll collapse if I let go. He wasn’t lying when he said I’ve got you.
“You’re okay,” he whispers, placing a kiss on the top of my head. I hold him a little tighter, wondering if I’ll ever be okay again. It doesn’t feel like it. No, it feels like I’m irreparably broken.
Cash unwinds his arms and tilts my chin with two fingers. “You’re okay,” he repeats. “Say it.”
“I’m okay.” I can hardly get the words out, but he squeezes my chin between his fingers and thumb and says, “Atta girl.”
He proceeds to set the table with his mom, and when I ask how I can help, he smiles softly from across the table. There’s no flirtation there.
When Lily joins us with her bubbly energy and loud laughter, I almost feel like I’m part of the family. For a moment, I catch a glimpse of what Kane’s life could be like if life weren’t so harsh.
“Ah, hell, it’s stained,” Cash says when we go to sit. He whips off his T-shirt to reveal his impressive physique. “Let me grab a clean one.”
As he walks by, he pulls out his phone to snap a selfie of me tucked under his arms. It’s over in a flash, before I can even blink, leaving me standing there, wondering what just happened.
“You’re nothing but trouble,” Lily calls out after him as he disappears around the corner. Then she rolls her eyes and pulls out the chair beside her. “Sit,” she says to me.
“What about Kane?” I ask uncertainly. Shouldn’t we wait for him to get home? It feels rude to eat without him.
“Don’t worry. He’ll be here faster than you can blink now that he’s seen that picture,” she murmurs, glancing warily at her mom, who is singing and fluttering around the kitchen. “Mom,” Lily coaxes, her voice gentle, “sit down with us.”
It’s sad that we have both lost our mothers, but in different ways. I can’t imagine the toll depression has taken on their family.
Cancer upended mine a year ago, and it feels like a lifetime since we were a happy family… back when Mom used to sing in the kitchen. Now, it’s been weeks since she last opened her eyes.
The nurse says she’s holding on, and if I had to guess, I’d say she’s waiting for Chris.
But it’s different for Kane and his siblings.
Their mom is still here. Just look at her now, sweeping through the kitchen like a warm summer breeze.
It’s hard not to feel a flicker of hope, even though they’ve been down this road before.
No one understands better that hope can be easily taken away.
Kane’s mom fills a decanter with lemonade and joins us at the table just as Cash enters the kitchen. He’s changed into a clean T-shirt, his dark hair falling over his forehead before he pushes it back with his hand.
As he sits down across from us, Lily laughs through her nose. “Kane’s gonna beat your sorry ass, and it’ll serve you right.”
“It’s my job as his twin to wind him up.”
“Suit yourself. It’s your life.”
“Enough of that,” Kane’s mom says, pouring herself a drink. Then her eyes find mine, and she sets the decanter down. “I’d like to know more about you, Jessica.”
Before I get a chance to respond, the front door slams open and Kane shouts, “You’re fucking dead, Cash.”