Chapter 42
FORTY-TWO
JESSICA
By the following Tuesday, I’ve lost count of how many times we’ve fucked. I’m bruised and sore everywhere, but is my appetite satiated?
Not even close.
Today, however, sex is the last thing on my mind.
“Are you sure she won’t mind?” I ask Kane as we pull up outside the black iron gates guarding the institution.
Dead ivy is tangled around the iron spears, and beyond the trees, the building rises in slabs of rain-dark stone.
The place looks like a gothic painting, like something straight out of a Susan Hill novel.
“She’s been asking about you,” Kane says as the gates creak open. “She can’t wait to see you.”
I’ve been nervous since we left his house, and I think he knows it. What if his mom is upset with me? I wouldn’t blame her. I’m upset with myself.
“Don’t worry,” he continues, interlacing his fingers with mine on my thigh. “I never had the heart to tell her about us.” My shoulders relax. Thank God for small mercies. I want his mom to like me.
A pretty nurse greets us at the front doors, flirting unashamedly with Kane, and I glare daggers at the back of her head as I follow behind.
The truth is, we can’t go anywhere without women throwing themselves at him, and the fact that he has a girlfriend isn’t the deterrent it should be.
Kane is oblivious as we ascend a sweeping staircase, and I finally calm down slightly when he reaches for my hand.
A few minutes later, we stop outside one of the rooms, and Miss Flirty tells Kane to find her if he needs help with anything, emphasis on anything.
It’s almost on the tip of my tongue to reassure her that if my man needs his cock sucked again—I’ve already swallowed his cum once this morning—I’ll be the one to do it, though the last thing I need is to give Kane the satisfaction of knowing how petty and jealous I can be. He’d never let me live it down.
Besides, he already has enough ammunition.
Ignoring the nurse, he guides me into the room with his hand on my lower back.
Kane’s mom is over by the tall window, in front of an easel, with a look of pure concentration. She studies her art, coating a brush with yellow paint, then begins adding the finer details.
“It’s beautiful, Mom,” Kane says gently as he walks up to her and kisses the top of her head.
She leans into him, and we lock eyes across the room, where I hover near the door, feeling out of place and wringing my hands.
“Hi, Mrs. Ravencourt.” My voice comes out soft and unsure, but she smiles and opens her arms. It’s all the invitation I need, and I walk over to hug her.
Kane smiles softly as I glance at him. This moment means a lot to him. His mom doesn’t know about some of the things that went down, like his crash, for one, and I agree that the less she knows for now, the better. She’s got enough to worry about, and the only thing that matters is her recovery.
One of us needs their mom back, and Kane and Cash have a real chance of that, as long as they take it one day at a time.
“Get the girl a drink, Kane.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he teases, kissing her cheek and winking at me on his way out.
Mrs. Ravencourt waits until he’s gone, then she hands me the brush and shows me where to apply color. It’s scary to try to add to her talent, and I worry I’ll sneeze and mess up. Let’s just say, I excel at stick figures, but that’s about it.
“This isn’t a bad place,” she says quietly after a while, walking over to the window.
I place the brush back down and join her.
“It’s beautiful here,” I say while we look out over the sprawling gardens at the back of the property. There’s even a large, glittering lake in the distance.
“Thank you for looking after him,” she says, her gaze far away.
But then she shakes her head, smiling faintly while playing with the drawstring on her cotton pants. “He needs a good woman in his life.”
I’m hardly any good for him. If anything, I’m a damn mess, and Kane could do so much better, but he seems to like my chaos for some strange reason.
“I wish he didn’t have to visit me in this place.”
“My mom is in the hospice,” I inch out, twitching my nose when it starts prickling, wondering if there will ever be a day when I can talk about her without choking up. It doesn’t feel like it some days. There are times when I wonder if it’ll be an open wound I carry with me for the rest of my life.
Kane’s mom reaches for my hand, and I look back out the window, watching a flock of birds engaged in murmuration over the river, diving this way and that, dancing over the glassy surface like the wind.
“Do I wish I didn’t have to visit her in the hospice, that she was back home with us? Yes, more than anything, but she’s still with us, still holding on.”
Kane’s mom strokes her thumb over the back of my hand, and I meet her gaze again, sharing a gentle smile.
“Kane would rather visit you in here, seeing you smile and engaging rather than hiding away in the dark or not having you in his life at all. What matters to him is your well-being. Please don’t feel bad for struggling, Mrs. Ravencourt. Life is short.”
The next part feels a bit harder to say, so I take a deep breath before I continue.
“My mom once admitted how tough it was for her to accept that our final memories of her would be of her lying in a hospital bed. I won’t lie.
It’s been hard to watch her slowly fade away.
But do you know what? We created so many beautiful, precious memories in the midst of that darkness.
Gentle ones. And some of the memories Kane makes with you here will stay with him forever too.
You don’t have to be indestructible to be strong.
The strongest people I know are people like you and my mom.
Women who’ve held on when it would have been easier to let go. ”
She cups my cheek. “You have a good heart. I see why my son loves you so much.”
Just then, the door opens and Kane walks in, coffee in both hands.
When he spots us by the window, a sweet smile touches his mouth. “Careful, or Mom will adopt you.” Then he walks over, kisses me, and hands me the drink, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he offers one to his mom.
His smile is different this time. It’s not practiced. It reaches his eyes and loosens something in his shoulders. For the first time, he looks happy. Truly happy.