Chapter 74 Rhyland #2
I shrug him off with a growl. "You're on your own. I'm not getting between Rosa and her kitchen rules."
"Traitor!" Lucian gasps dramatically. "After I spent a small fortune making this place look like Santa's wet dream? This is how you repay me?"
Rosa waves her spoon at both of us. "No fighting in my kitchen! ?Fuera! Out! Go hang more lights or whatever you vampiros do."
"We could drain the neighbors," Lucian suggests helpfully. "Very festive. Red is a Christmas color."
"Dios me ayude," Rosa mutters, crossing herself. "Go! Both of you! Before I call your ladies, tell them what you did in Budapest."
My head snaps up. "You told her about Budapest?"
Lucian shrugs innocently. "It might have come up during sangria night."
I grab him by his ridiculous sweater and drag him from the kitchen. "You're dead."
"Already am, technically!" he calls back to Rosa. "Save me some more cookies!"
Rosa yells from the kitchen, "You think you're funny, but dinner is in one hour, and if you're late, there will be no galleta for either of you, ?entendido?"
"Yes, Cookie Overlord," Lucian salutes. "Your baked goods are worth punctuality!"
As we exit the kitchen, Lucian elbows me. "Remember when we used to make people shit themselves with fear? Now we're racing to dinner like a couple of kids afraid of missing dessert. My badass reputation is officially fucked."
I shove him back, rolling my eyes. "Your reputation was fucked the minute you started your Marvel figurine collection."
"Hey! Limited edition collectibles are badass in certain circles!" he protests. "Besides, I saw you arranging the Avengers ornaments on the tree by movie release order, you closet nerd."
For all his irritating qualities—and there are many—the idiot's not wrong. This ridiculous, light-filled life beats anything we've had recently.
Not that I'd ever tell him that. His ego's already the size of a fucking continent.
Erik materializes in the hallway, silver eyes taking in our bickering with practiced indifference. "Are you two done? The girls just turned onto the road. Five minutes out."
"Battle stations!" Lucian claps his hands together. "Operation 'Make Our Ladies Cry Happy Tears' is a go! Rhyland put on your broody-but-secretly-pleased face. Erik, try to look less like you're attending a funeral and more like you're participating in holiday cheer."
"This is my holiday cheer face," Erik deadpans.
"Jesus Christ on a candy cane, that's depressing," Lucian mutters. "Fine, just stand near something sparkly so you don't suck all the joy out of the room."
Brax materializes beside us, having shifted into what appears to be a perfect replica of Will Ferrell's Buddy the Elf, complete with the yellow tights and conical hat. "Is this festive enough?"
Lucian groans, running a hand down his face. "Of all the Christmas characters in existence, you chose the most obnoxiously cheerful—" He pauses, studying Brax with reluctant appreciation. "Although... the dedication to those yellow tights is kind of genius in a mentally unstable way."
"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!" Brax announces in perfect Buddy voice, bouncing on his toes.
"I swear to god, demon," Lucian warns, fighting back a smirk. "If you start singing about Christmas spirit, I will stuff you in the chimney. But... keep the outfit. It's working."
Brax shifts his features slightly, keeping the costume but toning down the manic energy. "Emily's going to flip. She loves this movie."
I straighten my ridiculous reindeer sweater, the blinking nose somehow making me feel less intimidating than I'd like. "If Dani laughs at me in this getup—"
"She'll jump your bones faster than Santa inhaling Rosa's cookies," Lucian interrupts. "Trust me, women love this sentimental crap."
Erik's jaw tightens. "Must you always make everything inappropriate?"
"Must you make everything boring?" Lucian counters. "Besides, I'm just stating facts. Christmas decorations are like vampire Viagra—they make the ladies holly-jolly in all the right places."
The sound of car doors slamming cuts through our bickering. Through the window, I catch sight of Dani's brunette hair. My chest tightens in that now-familiar way that still pisses me off and thrills me in equal measure.
"Places!" Lucian hisses. "Remember—we did this because we wanted to, not because we're whipped. Maintain your dignity, gentlemen."
"Says the man wearing reindeer antlers," Erik mutters.
"They're tactical antlers," Lucian adjusts them on his head. "And they're going to get me laid tonight, so who's the real winner here?"
"I can make snow angels on command," Brax whispers, adjusting his pointy hat. "Just say the word."
"Jesus," I growl, "stay in human form, or I'll exorcise you myself."
The front door handle turns, and for a moment, we all freeze like deer caught in headlights—three ancient vampires and one shape-shifting demon suddenly nervous about whether our women will like our Christmas surprise.
How the mighty have fucking fallen.