Chapter 9 - Silas
Silas stood in front of Elle's bedroom, his hand raised to knock, second-guessing himself for the hundredth time.
This was a terrible idea. Elle could hardly bear his existence. She had already shown him quite clearly that she did not want to have anything to do with him. Trying to spend time with her would most likely complicate things.
But he had to try.
She agreed to help with the investigation despite being traumatized. She stood up to her old bullies. She was trying to make this work in a way.
Silas saw her efforts, and he wanted to give her new memories.
He knocked.
“What?”
“Can I come in?”
A pause. Then, “Fine.”
Silas opened the door. Elle was seated on the bed, with one of the books she had taken from the library. She looked up. “What do you want?”
“I want to take you out.”
Her brows shot up. “Excuse me?”
“Out of pack territory. Away from here. Just for a few hours.” Silas leaned against the door frame, pretending that he was being casual. “You've been cooped up in this house for a while. I figured you would like to change your scenery.”
“And go where, exactly?”
“North. There's a small town about a hundred miles away. We could have lunch, take a stroll, or do anything.” Silas stared at her face attentively, not wanting to miss a single thing. “No pack members or conversations about the investigation. Just... a break.”
Elle closed the book slowly. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why would you want to take me out? Why would you mind if I'm cooped up or not?”
Because you are my mate. Because I want to make you smile. Because I want to get to know you. I want to know what you did for eight years.
But he couldn't say any of that. Not to Elle, who would just consider it another way to control her.
“Because you agreed to help us,” he said instead. “And since you got here, some of my pack members have been treating you so badly. I would like to make up for that.”
Elle eyed him. “This isn't some kind of trap?”
“No trap. Just lunch and a walk. We'll be back before dinner.”
She gnawed on her bottom lip for a while, and Silas could see the wheels turning in her head, trying to figure out his angle.
“Fine,” she said finally. “But I'm not calling this a date.”
He flashed her a grin. “Wouldn't dream of it.”
***
Half an hour later, they were driving up north. Elle sat with her arms crossed, her body language saying that she would prefer to be anywhere else.
Silas did not try to strike up a conversation. He simply drove and allowed the silence to stretch between them, hiding the fact that his wolf was literally purring because Elle was right beside him.
The town's name was Millbroick, a little settlement in the mountains. It had a main street with local stores and a handful of restaurants. It was also well out of pack territory. No one would recognize them.
Silas parked in the main street and switched off the engine. “There's a good Italian place a few blocks down that way, or we could go to that bistro over there. Your choice.”
Elle looked out of the window. “The bistro.”
They got out of the truck. The bistro was small, cozy, and had warm lighting and the smell of fresh bread. A waitress guided them to a corner table by the window facing the street.
Silas pulled out a chair for Elle. She glanced at him and sat down.
The waitress came back, and Silas ordered a cup of coffee and told Elle to order whatever she wanted. She ordered a sandwich and chicken soup. Her voice was so soft and polite when addressing the waiter. She never talked to him like that.
The waiter walked away after writing their orders in a notepad, and an awkward silence settled again.
“So,” Silas started.
So,” Elle still looked out the window.
“How is the book you were reading?”
“Fine.”
“What's it about?”
“Things.”
Silas bit back a sigh. This was more difficult than he had imagined.
The food came, and they both had something to focus on. Silas watched Elle eat and noticed the way she was enjoying each bite, as if she were examining the taste. Maybe this was a habit she’d developed over time.
“This is good,” Elle said after a couple of minutes, unable to help herself.
“Yeah?”
“The soup. It's really good. They use fresh herbs.” Elle took another spoonful. “Most diners use dried ones. Fresh herbs make a lot more difference than people think.”
“You know a lot about cooking.”
Elle shrugged. “I worked in a restaurant for years. You pick things up.”
“Tell me about it,” Silas said. “The restaurant.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to know. I would like to know what your life was like. What you did in the span of those eight years.”
“Why do you care?”
“Because you are my mate.”
Elle set down her spoon. “You do not need to know me because we are bonded.”
“You're right. I don't. But I'm asking anyway.”
They stared at each other on either side of the table. It was as if Elle was fighting herself, and Silas could understand that she was trying not to knock down her walls, but maybe, deep within her, she wanted someone to know what she went through.
“Fine,” she exhaled sharply. “But that is because this soup is actually good, and I am currently in a little bit of a better mood.”
Silas smiled. “I'll take it.”
Elle picked up her spoon again and took another sip.
“I initially started cleaning dishes at a diner called Rosie. It was the only place that was going to employ me without any references or experience. This crass old man called Marcus intimidated me in the beginning. But he saw how hard I worked, and he promoted me to a waitress.”
“What was that like?”
“Awful at first. I was terrible at it.” Her lips twitched. “I spilled beverages and confused orders. Marcus nearly fired me in the first month.”
“Did he?”
“No. According to him, it was because I showed up on a daily basis, right on time, and I was willing to work. And slowly, I got better. I studied the patterns of the restaurant and knew how to read human beings. I could guess what they wanted before they even asked.”
Silas listened, fascinated. This was a side of Elle that he never saw. She was confident and proud of her achievements.
Elle continued. “A year later, I climbed up the ranks and became the manager. I took over the planning of schedules, inventory, and training new employees. I was good at it.” She met Silas's eyes. “It was the first time in my life that I was great at something, you know?”
“You've always been great at stuff.”
“Like what? Serving as a punching bag for the pack? Failing to shift? Being a disappointment?”
“You were kind. Gentle. You found goodness in people that didn't deserve it.”
Elle laughed bitterly. “Yeah, look where that got me.”
“It got you here. Alive. You never gave up. You kept on fighting.” Silas leaned forward. “You survived, Elle. That takes strength.”
She fell quiet for a moment. “The humans I worked with were some of the strongest people I've ever seen.”
“How so?”
“One of the waitresses, called Sarah, used to work two jobs to take care of her kids, and she never complained. She just pushed through. Marcus was a former soldier who suffered from PTSD, yet he never missed a day of work to operate his restaurant and assist kids like me who had no other place to go.” Elle's voice grew passionate.
“Jennifer, my neighbor, went through an abusive relationship.
She left with just clothes on her back and changed her entire life completely.
They didn't have wolf strength, speed, or the ability to heal fast. They could get hurt easily and die.
But they still forged on. That's real courage.”
“I never said that humans were not brave.”
“Your pack did. Your father did. All the wolves that I have ever known scorn humans and look down on them as lesser beings. But you're wrong. All of you. Human beings are powerful in a way that shifters can never comprehend since you have never had to be vulnerable.”
Her words were like a mirror for Silas. Elle was right. His pack, his father, they all viewed humans as lesser beings, and Silas had internalized that prejudice without doubting it.
Until now.
“You're right,” he said.
Elle clearly looked taken aback. “What?”
“You're right. My pack got it wrong. My father got it wrong.” Silas set down his coffee. “But these were his rules and not mine. I'm Alpha now, and I'm going to make a difference.”
“By following up on the trafficking ring?”
“Yes. By trying to save the women from—”
“That's because your pack's reputation is at stake,” Elle interrupted. “Would you still care? Would you still hunt down this operation if it were not a threat to your pack?”
His heart sank to the bottom of his stomach.
“I...” He trailed off. He didn't know what to say.
Because Elle was right. Again. He only started this investigation into the trafficking ring because of the evidence planted against his pack.
Oh, he was horrified by what was happening to them. Disgusted by the shifters running the operation. But if his pack hadn't been implicated, would he have gotten involved?
Probably not.
The realization made Silas feel sick.
“Yeah, I thought so,” Elle studied his face. “You're not this selfless man that you think you are, Silas. You're helping because it benefits you and the pack.”
“That's not entirely true.”
“Isn't it?” Elle pushed her bowl away. “Be honest, Silas. Had this operation been happening in some other region, and had it attacked the women who lived far away from here, would you have done anything about it?”
Silas wanted to say yes. But he'd be lying.
“No,” he admitted. “Probably not.”
Elle nodded, but she seemed disappointed and not vindicated. “At least you're honest.”
“But now I am trying to do better,” Silas said frantically. “I know I've been selfish. I know that I have only been thinking about my pack, my reputation, my needs. But you're opening my mind to a new way of thinking.”
“I shouldn't have to make you realize human beings should be valued. You should have come to that conclusion yourself.”
“You're right. I should have.” Silas frowned and roughly shoved his hair back. “I have lived my entire life following the beliefs of my father. That wolves were superior. That humans were weak. That we had no obligation to them. And it will take time to forget that.”
“Time we don't have,” Elle said. “Those women are suffering now. They are being sold right now. And you are telling me you have to take time to determine whether they are someone worth saving?”
“That's not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?” Elle asked. “You're still putting your pack first, as far as I am concerned. You only care about humans when it suits you.”
“I care about you.”
“You care about your mate. That is not the same thing as caring about humans.”
She stood up abruptly, pushing her chair back. “I want to go back.”
“Elle, wait.”
“Now, Silas. Take me back now.”
Silas tossed money on the table and followed Elle out of the bistro. She was walking briskly toward the truck, with rigid shoulders, and her entire body radiated anger and disappointment.
They drove back in silence, Elle quietly looking out the window as usual.
She was right about everything. He was selfish. There was nothing he could say to dispel her accusations because they weren't accusations. They were facts.
Elle got out of the truck immediately they got back to pack territory.
“Elle,” Silas called after her.
She stopped and turned back, shaking her head.
“You're trying, Silas. I can see that. But, it is not enough to just try when people are dying.” She turned away.
“Figure out what kind of Alpha you want to be.
One who only protects his own, or one who protects everyone.
Because right now, you're somewhere in the middle, and that's not good enough.”
Then she entered the house, leaving Silas standing by the truck with her words ringing in his ears.
Figure out what type of Alpha you want to be.
Silas always thought he already knew that. He was the type Alpha that took care of his pack, defended their reputation, and kept them safe.
Elle, however, was asking him to be better than that. She was asking him to care about people outside his pack. To treat humans as equals instead of lesser beings. To use his power and resources to assist others who are incapable of helping themselves, even if it was not in his best interest.
She was asking him to be better.
And Silas knew, under the dim afternoon sunlight, that he would like to be better.
Humans weren't weak. They live in a fearless way, and they had the right to protection because it was the right thing to do. Silas had to overcome certain prejudices he had towards them. For Elle, he'd try. For the women who suffered due to his lack of action, he'd try.
He would be better. He only hoped that it was not too late.