Chapter 41
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
RAVEN
T he muscles of Knox’s back remain tense as he faces the wall, his fist covered in white dust. He’s almost manic.
I try to step forward, but Griffin holds me back again. “Raven,” he warns me.
Spinning in his arms, I level him a firm look. “Trust me.”
He fights his indecision, but eventually gives in. His arms fall to his sides, freeing me, and I use caution in approaching Knox.
Knox would never hurt me. Of that, I have no doubt.
But right now, he’s not himself. Underneath all the rage is someone who’s hurting, someone who needs a gentle touch.
We all mask our pain. No one wants the people around them to see beneath the layers.
Because under all those layers is where we are most vulnerable.
And when we finally find that person or persons who we feel safe enough to show them the pain, it’s scary.
Tentatively, I place my hand on his shoulder, causing him to flinch.
Keeping my hand on him, I circle to his front and squeeze myself in the little space between him and the wall.
The hole he created lines up perfectly with my head.
My other hand lands on Knox’s other shoulder, and I slide my hands up to his neck. His eyes squeeze shut.
His agony penetrates my chest, making tears well up in my eyes. This type of pain isn’t from a single event. This is from a lifetime of rejection and hurt.
“I’m here,” I whisper to him. “You have me and Griff. We’re here for you.”
Knox’s clenched jaw twitches, and a single tear drips from the corner of his eye, and I use my thumb to wipe it away.
I repeat myself one more time, “I’m here.”
Knox’s knees give out, and he falls. Griffin darts forward to catch him.
I drop down beside Knox, whose shoulders shake with each sob that leaves him.
Cradling his head in my lap, he turns to me and holds on to me like I’m his lifeline.
Griffin’s face crumbles as he watches his brother break.
My hands run through Knox’s hair, brushing it out as I whisper affirmations and comfort.
The weight of the air in the room is heavy. But I won’t crumple under the pressure. I can hold this for him, for them. Whatever happened was more than traumatic. It was branded on his soul.
When I find the man who caused Knox and Griffin this pain, I’ll make sure he takes his last breath on this earth.
Knox’s body calms, and his breathing returns to normal. I lean forward, placing my lips on his damp cheek. I grab the edge of my shirt and use it to dry his face.
“Frank hated Griffin and me after Scarlett died. Probably before then, too.”
I need to start adding all these names to a list. Frank is already someone I avoid, but now, I’m thinking he may need a good punch to the groin.
“He and his friends came to our house the night after Amos was arrested. We hadn’t been picked up by CPS yet, because our grandpa said he’d take over guardianship. We didn’t have anything more than locks on our doors and windows, and they broke those easily.”
I don’t like where this is going. Please, don’t let this story turn out how I think it will.
“Pops was here at The Wandering Raven working. So they pulled Griffin and me from our bed and dragged us out back.”
My stomach sinks, and my mouth goes dry.
“There were six of them, so they easily held us down while Frank beat us. He seemed to focus on me more, though. He’d just gotten done with his knife on my face when Sheriff Jackson showed up and scared them off.”
“They weren’t arrested?”
Griffin chimes in, “The sheriff claimed he couldn’t see who it was and said that because it was so dark, our testimonies wouldn’t be credible.”
My face turns an incandescent shade of red. I feel like it’s my turn to punch a hole in the wall.
“And now that piece of shit is the mayor,” Griffin adds.
Who the hell would vote for someone like that?
The way this town has chewed up and spat out these two is despicable. I could set fire to Main Street and not feel the least bit of remorse.
“Scarlett was like the rest of them. She just wanted a story she could tell her friends about the Montgomery brothers, something I wish we would have found out before we decided to date her.” Griffin sneers.
If that bitch were still alive, I’d rip her heart out of her chest with my bare hands.
People aren’t prizes. I know that better than anyone.
People have feelings, dreams, and goals.
They’re not inanimate objects that were made for another’s pleasure and entertainment.
When people are treated like they’re nothing, they eventually believe that they’re nothing.
Griffin and Knox aren’t nothing. They’re worth more than all of Mystic River a million times over.
Knox’s head still rests in my lap, but his eyes show me that his mind is somewhere else. The color leeches from Griffin’s face as he stares down at his brother.
I want to take this away from them. I want to carry this load for them. I can take it.
The sound of glass breaking, followed by inebriated laughing, slips into the room. Griffin looks to the door, then back at Knox.
Placing my hand on his arm, I reassure him, “You can go. I got this.”
Griffin hesitates, moving to stand but glances back at me.
“Trust me.”
He nods and takes off, leaving Knox and me behind.
We don’t move from the spot on the floor. We don’t even speak.
As I have difficulty swallowing, I continue to brush his hair with my hands. The stabbing in my chest grows the longer Knox seems empty.
Eventually, a tear falls down my face, landing on Knox’s cheek. He blinks, coming back to this moment with me. I don’t want this to be about me because it’s not. Our pain is different, and one isn’t greater than the other. But I can’t stop the swell of emotion building in my heart.
Knox sits up, his features softening when he finds my face wet. “Don’t cry for me, Darlin’.”
My voice comes out soft. “But you’re worth crying for.”
Knox circles me in his arms and holds on tight, communicating what he can’t express with his words. With his chin on my head, Knox’s voice is soft. “I’m not worth it. I know it.”
Pulling back, I stare up at him, disbelieving. “What are you talking about? What kind of self-talk is that?”
“Look at me, Raven.”
“I am.” I frown at him, offended.
“No, really look, Darlin’, look closely.”
Something must have hit him on the head because Knox is talking nonsense.
My frown deepens and my voice grows louder. “I am.”
Knox’s tone is firm. “No, you’re not. Because if you were, you’d see how unevenly matched we are. I don’t deserve you.”
This better not be about what I think it’s about…
Blinking incredulously, my jaw unhinges. “I’m going to sound like a broken record here, but…What the hell are you talking about?”
Knox’s jaw tightens. “Do I really have to say it?”
“Yes.” My cheeks flame.
“My scars, Raven!”
Nailed that one, and I hate that I’m right.
“What about them?” I exhale in exasperation.
“They make me—they—” He’s too flustered to form a complete sentence, but I’m not letting him off easy.
“They what?”
“They make me ugly!” he shouts.
My heart cracks. I wanted him to admit it out loud because it needed to be released. But it hurt.
“If your scars make you ugly, then what does that say about Noah?”
Knox’s eyes blow wide. “It’s not the same.”
“How?” My lips thin into a hard line.
“Because it’s not!”
My voice hardens. “You’re wrong. It’s exactly the same. Neither of you asked for someone to take a knife to your face. Neither of you had a choice in the matter. You both were young and innocent and have to carry the weight of someone else’s cruelty for the rest of your lives.”
Knox’s mouth opens and closes, unable to come up with the words.
He breathes heavily as I frame his face with my hands and force him to look at me. “Your scars are not ugly. They’re part of you. They’re proof of your strength, your resilience, and your life. I don’t want you any other way.”
He grabs my cheeks, his gaze searching my face. “You’re perfect.”
My tears spill from my eyes.
Knox opens his mouth to say something else, but he holds his words back. Instead, he pulls me into him, wrapping me in his embrace and refusing to let go. My chest permeates with a sense so strong and unfamiliar that I freeze.
Is this what it feels like to be loved by someone?